Post # 1
I got engaged about two months before my sister’s divorce situation commenced. She was married for 14 years with two young aged daughters. He cheated & hasnt made this process easy. I am not having bridesmaids & one of the main reasons is that I would have asked my sister ( which is one of three sisters) to be the maid-of-honor, as I was for her & well she’s know me my entire life. However, there’s just something incredibly unsettling about having to be a maid of honor while your going through a divorce. But I got over that & well dont have bridesmaids period.
I know she’s going through a tough time & I have been there and want to be there for her; however, it really sucks when the one person I have been there with for all her celebrations, etc. I cant even discuss my upcoming wedding with b/c it just doesnt flow right with the situation.
I am off from law school this summer & working as a law clerk as I always have even through the school year – but I am really into DIY for the wedding & basically doing all the leg work myself. I have yet to have one of those evenings where everyone comes over to help, etc. But I guess I’ll have to cave in soon & just do it – and if she wants to come she can. She’s offered to help as other people have but I guess I am trying to be none intrusive into other people’s lives & just handling my wedding business.
What does a bride do when she is going through something like this? Anyone else going through the same situation? Any suggestions? I know she’s happy for me but at the same time i know marriage is not her favorite subject when she’s going through a divorce. Its really hard to change gears and not discuss wedding things when I am finally off school and have spare time to do stuff besides school. Help!
SORRY FOR THE VENTING!!!!! It’s extremely unbalancing to me.
Post # 3
It sounds like she is trying to be present and help you however she can to me. I know that when i went through a divorce, any kind of distraction would help. Rather than calling it a wedding crafting party, just say it’s a girls get-together. Pour some wine, share some stories, it might help for her to open up some, even if it’s anti-marriage. In any case, it sounds like she is trying her best and it’s nice that you’re not smothering her in your wedding, I’m sure there’s a middle ground and it may help her to have the distraction and to feel useful in something. Just from my own experience though. Good luck!
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a tough situation. Not that my situation is identical, but my FMIL is currently beginning her divorce from her second husband. She is always certain to make sure both of us are aware of that and has shown absolutely no enthusiasm toward any of the wedding planning (refused to attend bridal fairs, tastings, etc. with us).
We’re both very upset about the situation, however, we finally decided that we haven’t done anything wrong – she’s making the choice to remove herself.
If I were in the same situation, I would try to find a few friends and other female family members who would be willing to help with DIY projects and other things you need help with on your to-do list. I know that isn’t the ideal situation, but it might be easier to have willing volunteers rather than your sister who is currently experiencing a very emotional and unstable time in her life.
Good Luck and i hope you’re able to still enjoy your planning period.
Post # 5
Thank you both for the advice. It also sucks, but what can I do that my mother seems to place her situation before my situation in a sense. Like i had my tasting last week & my mother didnt attend because my sister had an earlier event that went all day i guess, so no mother involved either. My mom cant do much b/c she’s in the middle and my sister’s situation is bad and unstable and pressing – but I will make it through – I guess I have to say my only regret so far wedding wise is planning it during my sister’s divorce b/c it’s like my family is on another wave length and it aint mine. But things happen how they are meant to happen & I cant postpone my life everytime something happens. WE JUST HAVE TO BE STRONG AND CARRY ON! 🙂 Thanks again ladies.
Post # 6
@Ms. Guava-Tini, I am sorry that you are going through this situation too! My sister (MOH) had her divorce finalized last week from her cheating and abusing husband. Her and her two adorable children have gone through so much during this relationship and in some ways continue to go through it. Because my sister is all wrapped up in her situation she has not had any interest in helping out my Mom and I with our wedding.
She knows we want her to help but she makes excuses like we didn’t invite her to help… I wish she would show some interest to get her mind off of things. I know it will take time for her to heal but I hope she does come around. We love her to death and want nothing more than for her to be included!
You are right! We have to be strong for them and for ourselves!!
Post # 7
I may be asking a dumb question, but have you assumed that she doesn’t want much to do with your wedding or did she tell you that? My sister is really pregnant (7mos now, 8.75 at the wedding) and exhausted all the time (also has a 2 yr old). II had assumed that she wouldn’t be that involved. But she’s throwing me a tea party this weekend and has done tons of stuff.
I know that her going through a divorce is different b/c the issues are emotional rather than physical, but you sound really close. and you mentioned that she’s really happy for you and wants to support you. Maybe you’ve already done so, but if not, just ask what she does/does not want to be involved in. You may be surprised…she is your sister after all.