Post # 1
I was in a LDR with my SO for two years before we got engaged in April. When I broke the news to my mom on the phone, it was followed by complete silence. No congrats or anything. I was devastated.
My parents have made it very clear that they don’t approve. It’s not my SO, it’s the fact that I have moved so far away from them. They live in Canada, where I’m from, and my SO lives in Colorado. Before I moved down here, they made it very clear that they dont have passports and don’t ever plan on getting them because they “don’t go to the states”. So, obviously we’re expected to visit them all of the time. We’ve got into countless arguments and all they ever say is they feel “hurt” or like they’re “losing me” and that I will have to answer to how I’ve disrespected them.
I feel like they’re being SO selfish. They just want me close by. It’s my life, I’ve found a fantastic man who loves and respects me more than ANYONE, and they’ve treated him like crap! I feel like if I were a parent and I didn’t approve of my child’s relationship for whatever reason, I would voice my concerns and go on with life! I’m an adult and I need to make my own decisions, why ruin your relationship with your child over something like this?
It’s to the point where I feel uncomfortable discussing anything to do with my SO or the wedding with them. I want to involve them in my life but stuff relating to those topics are always followed by silence or snarky comments. What the hell?
Whew. That was a bit of a rant.
Anyone else dealing with situations like this? How do you deal with it?
Post # 3
mine isn’t the same by any means- but it was awkward.
my now in laws are awkward southern-ish people who don’t travel to ‘big cities’ or drive in them…they arrived 24 hours before the wedding, refused to rent a car and never said good bye…
however they are good people. I’ve learned to accept that just because they’re this way doesn’t mean they hate me or hate the decision my husband made it’s just their way of living- you need to find it in your heart to remove the blame they are placing on your SO and move it to them being non-changing. If they aren’t going to bend then explain to them that you and him will visit when you can, but you do want to marry this person and that’s how it is..now I know that’s easier said than done- but WV to Chicago isn’t much different than the canada to colorado stretch- they are people from the hills who had mad ‘hill pride’ and even though I have been nice and they do like me- i’m still a ‘city’ girl and they still don’t know what to do with me.
sorry this is a ramble, but i just wanted you to know that we all have strained relationships with either our parents or our inlaws during the process.
even my mom who i figured would be 110% in didn’t step her game up until 4 weeks before the wedding, mainly because my dad died 7 years ago she was being super avoidant, I had to have a hardcore almost mean at times yell fest with her to get it through her head that I at 32 years old still need my mom.
Post # 4
@PugsandUnicorns: It’s nice to be reminded that there are others who deal with strained family relationships. Thank you!
Post # 5
YES! Nothing close to how disappointing I’m sure your situation is though. I don’t think I could deal if my parents weren’t excited.
FMIL is very upset that we’re going to rent a beach house to get married on the beach in Florida next fall. We live in the Washington, DC area and both of our parents live in Ohio – FMIL thought for sure we would come back to Ohio to get married.
I don’t think there’s much I can do to make her happier about the situation. It’s not Ohio, so it’s not good enough.
She made a comment last weekend while we were home discussing wedding budget stuff that I shouldn’t have a wedding dress, since it’ll look “too out of place” on the beach. Guess who’s going wedding dress shopping with me in a few weeks, at the first appointment I’ll have to try on dresses ever?
Post # 6
I dealt with inlaws that hated me. period. and my father didn’t approve of my relationship, and i didnt listen, i should have, because now im divorced, my father and his parents were right, we shouldn’t of gotten married.
how i dealt with it? i didn’t t was a lot of fighting and rude comments and hurtful things being said, ignoring, and cold shoulders and then the fake smiles and hugs. ugh. i just grinned and tried to bear it, but honestly it’s one of the most difficut things to deal with.
i would have a nice talk with your family and explain how you feel..
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. I’ve told them how I felt before, and I’ve even told them that I understand why they feel the way they feel. But they’re so ruled by their emotions they can’t hear anything that I am saying. :/