Post # 1
We decided to only invite children who we were close with to our wedding. So no we didn’t include FI’s distant 3rd cousin whom he could not point out on the street’s kids. We hardly know her and her husband so why would we invite their children?! Their names were clearly NOT included on the invitation and there was not a space to write in extra names on the rsvp (Both names of the people invited were listed on the online RSVP). Why then, is she emailing me to ask if they can come?! Is it okay to respond with “Due to space constrictions and and an already-large guest list we unfortuantely had to narrow down the list to only those children whom we share close relationships with.” ????? HELP!
Post # 3
I think it’s generally an all or nothing with kids at the wedding. You either invite them all or none. People get upset if some kids are invited but theirs aren’t.
I for one, enjoy hiring a babysitter and going to a wedding sans kids. Good excuse for a date night!
Post # 4
Get a babysitter so they can bring their “darlings” but they can all stay “home” at a hotel with pizza and not at the wedding…
Post # 5
I don’t know that I would word it like that but I would say the sentiment is correct. Instead of pointing out that you have no bond with their children and that is why they are not wanted at the wedding mayhap you can find a different way to convey that no they cannot come too?
I am sure some of these tactful wordsmith bees on here can help you reword it.
ETA: You might want to send them some babysitter service information and suggest it to them but I wouldn’t offer to pay for the babysitter unless you are sponsoring it for all the guests.
Post # 6
I think it’s fine. I’m probably going to be doing something similar. But all of the kids I’m not inviting are local. (That sounds random.) I’m also not planning an event with the intent that it is kid friendly (although I am inviting kids, and will have food appropriate for them.)
To really answer your question, I think it’s fair to tell people that are trying to add invites that you cannot accomodate their guests, only your own. 🙂 In a nice way.
Post # 7
I’ll be saying something like, “Sadly no, our guest list is set, and we really cannot accomodate your children, we hope you’re able to join us though, we’d love to see you!”
Post # 8
I think it’s fine to tell them they cannot come. But I agree with the PP, I wouldn’t indicate that the reason they can’t come is because they aren’t close to you. I would just include the first part of what you have written.
Post # 9
Due to space constrictions and and an already-large guest list we unfortuantely had to narrow down the list to only those children whom we share close relationships with.
Sounds fine to me, but your FI is the one that should handle this.
Post # 10
i think part of what you wrote is okay but don’t let them know that they aren’t “close enough” to invite. that sounds a bit rude.
i would respond by saying, “due to budget and venue limitations we are at our maximum with our current guest list and are unable to include additional guests. we do look forward to seeing the two of you on our special day.”
Post # 11
I agree with pinkshoes! Leave any mentionings about children out and just say you’re at your maximum and you have exactly two seats set aside for them and leave it at that. If you insinuate that they aren’t close enough to you they might get offended.
Post # 12
I agree most of it sounds fine except the “only those children whom we share close relationships with”
I would find it rude and not that it would make your wedding day any less great but I probably wouldnt go
Post # 13
Thanks for all of the suggestions! I know that I’ve read the “all or none” ettiquette rule before and I am a bit obsessed with following proper ettiquette but that rule seems so odd to me. In her email she said “if no kids are invited I understand”, so how do I let her know that some kids ARE invited- just not hers! Neither FI or I have ever met her kids and I have not met her or her husband (We have large families!) so saying we are not close with her kids would be an understatement.
Post # 14
I never really agreed with the all or none thing. I think you are fine only inviting certain children, but agree you shouldn’t mention that in your response. Hey at least she asked! We had several people RSVP for their children who weren’t invited.
Post # 15
i have been to numerous family weddings of distant cousins and such and my son was not invited but other children were. i was not at all offended by this. it was nice of her to inquire so i would not mention anything about children in your response.
Post # 16
@abcdefg8989: Just a thought…if some of the kids talk to each other, how will they feel when they hear Little Johnny was able to go to the wedding but Little Aiden is not? Their feelings will be hurt and their parents will have to explain why. I find it a bit distasteful to choose between children. I feel like that’s the quickest way to start trouble. There is no polite way to say that children are invited, just not hers. Parents are extremely defensive about this sort of thing. If you stick to your guns on this one, don’t be surprised if the parents don’t come and this decision starts a lot of family drama.
By the way, I don’t have kids but I find this extremely offensive. I made a choice early on to have kids, and that meant all of them.