Post # 1
does anyone else feel as though they are completely alone in this journey?
As a young bride of 23 my bridesmaids are pretty much MIA, understandably being the first to walk down the aisle they just have no concept of helping or how swamped I am. the closest one is a 9 hour drive away, so they are basically showing up 2 days pre-wedding and there to party.
My FI is abroad getting his masters in London, (I know I know we were totally insane to think we could do this long distance)
and my relationship with my mom is pretty distant
I have tried to stay positive and enjoy the process of party planning, I am a social bee and have always loved to play hostess. I know everyone has other priorities and I have spent so many months reminding myself of that while addressing invitations alone, and making favors alone and spending endless hours dealing with vendors alone.
But the truth is i am so dissapointed in this whole experience. I feel like I had this amazing vision of what this was like, showered with attention and running around with girlfriends getting things done, and the reality is I feel like I see this whole thing as a huge, never ending chore.
I am starting to feel like all of my work has been pointless, as I am the only one who will know or value the amount of effort and time put into all of these details. Especially seeing as the majority of our guest list is in there 20’s it seems like everyone else views this as a giant keg party, so whats the point of spending hours on DIY cake toppers if no one cares?
advice? i am feeling so worn out.
Post # 3
I can understand where you are coming from. Although your wedding is the most important thing going on in your life right now, it doesn’t mean it is to your bridesmaids. Being one of your first friends to get married is difficult. Like you said, your friends, "have no concept of helping or how swamped I am." I found that once I told my friends how important it was to me and I asked for their opinions and advice, they became a lot more involved. Maybe you just need to talk to them. I found that my family and friends were more than happy to help from a distance (looking at bridesmaids dresses online, advice on my projects.) If your friends still prove to be unsupportive, you are in a great place to get tons of suppprt, right here on WeddingBee! Good luck!
Post # 4
There are several people going it alone.
Here’s one thread:
Anyone Else Planning Alone?
Everyone else has more supportive friends/family!
In the end of all your hard work, you will be married… and that’s worth it!
Post # 5
Me too. Look at it the way I do. It’s the way to plan everything the way I really really want to. And I’m pretty OCD over plannign parties anyays. I like things PERFECT and nobody can do things right like me, lol. It’s way uptight, but I’d rather spend hours doing something myself and getting it JUST right. And I think my wedding is a gross reflection of my overly attentive nature, which is good, so try to take it as a blessing if you can. There are things you can pawn off on the guy though, he doesn’t get off scott free!
Post # 6
Yes, me too. I would go crazy if it wasn’t for the support of da bees! Hang in there!
Post # 7
I felt pretty alone planning my wedding too. I was the first to have a real wedding (another eloped), and no one really "got" it or knew what to do. But keep your focus on you and your fiance. At the end of it you will have a wonderful husband, and that is what counts.
I was really disappointed that after the fact I heard basically nothing about my wedding. No "it was wonderful," or "we had such a great time." People complimented me on my photos in facebook, that was as good as it got. I revealed my misgivings to a friend the other day and she said, "Everyone was blown away by your wedding. We were all reeling from it the whole week after, about what a fantastic time we had had and how great it was. But that’s while you were on your honeymoon." So it seemed that I’d missed the oohing and ahhing, not that it didn’t happen. Your friends are excited for you, as is your family. They are just far away, but you can trust that they love you and support you, even if they’re not physically right next to you saying so. I would share my feelings with them. You may not get any closer to finishing your favors by doing so, but you will have some invaluable emotional support.
Post # 8
I’m totally feeling alone! I’m paying for everything myself, planning everything, no one has really put any input in. No one is there to say hey that’s really stupid, what the f*ck were you thinking?? It kinda makes me sad cause I’m really excited to take a step back (as in I’ve been married for 3 years, but am finally having the wedding) and actually plan the wedding, and no one even gives a sh*t. My MIL said, why do you need to do this?? Um hello, she’s been married like 4 times (pretty sure she’s on number 4) and she had her big day, thought she’d understand.
My bridesmaids don’t seem to care much either, but 1 is pregnant and supermom (so i totally understand), one is planning her own wedding for August 09, and one lives 5 hours away! But I need someone to share things with! As for family, yea, that’s a joke. And my husband? He just wants to wear a zoot suit, he’s already told me he doesn’t care because the whole day will be about me.
so if you need someone, feel free to email me @ [email protected]!
Post # 9
oh, to help you know that i can relate, I’m also 23! But I have 2 kids, whole other world, but I’m still your age, lol.
Post # 10
Oh, I hear you loud and clear!!! In the last 6 months, 2 of my bridesmaids (including my MOH) moved out-of-state. My other bridesmaid is on a missionary stint overseas for a year. My sister is completely uninterested in anything remotely related to the wedding. Oh, do I understand! I’ve spent a lot of time on Weddingbee as a result, honestly. And I keep myself occupied with the bazillion DIY projects I’ve taken on.
I think in your situation it may be good to have a chat with your girls. Nothing mean-spirited, not even a "heart to heart" per se. Just acknowledge that you know how sometimes brides can get bogged down in the details and how thankful you are that they are there to support you when you get stressed out from the wedding crazy. Surely they’ll take the hint. I generally find that thanking someone for doing something that you WANT them to do (but they may not have done yet) is a good tactic for getting them to actually DO it.
Post # 11
*raises hand* 🙂
I have no bridal party, hubby is not interested (he’s from a different culture and doesn’t know the first thing about American weddings) and I’m planning a wedding in my home town in NY from my new home in Europe. whee! at least my mom is interested though, that’s where I get some advice. But I do everything from slaving for hours over the right color paper to pair with the right color envelopes to picking out the flowers and making escort cards and finding hotels, etc etc etc. I do admit that I’m slighlty a control freak though, so it suits me OK for now.
The important part is to ASK someone to help when it starts to feel overwhelming or pointless, people are mostly glad to help if you ask them, and also to do the things YOU and your fiance want to do, because nothing else matters. Maybe find a friend who you can really talk to, there must be someone. I think if you make it clear that you are upset, people will reach out and help – because most of the time we are so absorbed in our own lives there is little time to reach out unless someone asks us to. good luck!
Post # 12
Yep, I am also doing the wedding planning all by myself. It was ok at first, but I am so frustrated because all my BMs are too busy to help. Wedding planning has become my nightmare, I am literally ripping out my hair and grinding my teeth at night and now they are killing me. I really wish we would have planned on eloping. Too late now, the invitations have been sent.
Post # 13
Wow, I am glad I came to the right place! I woke up feeling all sad and teary today thinking no one cares about my wedding and what is the point of all this wedding business – I am doing it all alone except for FI, who I must say is a procratinator about this and it’s irritating me.
Thanks for the links to the other posts about doing all this alone. I am so glad I am not alone -I really needed to feel that.