Post # 1
We’ve picked a date. We’ve talked about all kinds of life stuff (kids, religion, money management, travel, goals, house, etc.) We’ve even narrowed down a venue, the wedding colours, nitty gritty details like getting our guests from the airport to the venue 1.5 hours away. We’ve looked at menus, photographers, etc.
But we aren’t ‘officially’ engaged. I don’t have a ring yet. He’s seen a photo of one I like. He’s talked to my sister (she’s chomping at the bit to help him pick a ring.) And I know its coming between now and May (MAY!?!?!)
Is anyone else seemingly doing it all backwards? By the time he proposes it’ll be so anti-climatic. I did request he propose before the actual wedding. 😛
Also, anytime we do anything I have to fend off the ‘are you engaged?’ question from everyone.
Post # 3
@sostobe: Nope. I posted earlier that the most I got out of the talk with my SO was that he would select the ring when he was ready…no venue, no other wedding selections done yet.
Congrats on having a man who’s planning with you!
Post # 4
Me! A lady at the store he bought my ring spoiled the surprise, so I know there’s a ring coming (it’s being made since I have size 3.5 finger it had to be done from scratch so they estimated 12-13 weeks). We’re getting married in Paris in June, I’ve bought my dress and we’ve picked our photographer (which is the most important part to me). I wish it was a surprise, but there’s not much i can do about it.
Edit: i’ve also asked him to formally propose as well.
Post # 5
the ring isn’t what makes it official. i was officially engaged for three months before wearing a ring. we decided “hey, we should get married” and that was official enough for both of us.
engaged to be married means you have come to an understanding together that you will be married.
you both are planning a wedding.
sounds like it’s already official.
Post # 6
Ya, it won’t be ‘official’ to me until he’s asked. I do see your point though. But it was a foregone conclusion that we were going to get married before we set a date, so if that’s the case we’ve been ‘official’ for a while!
Post # 7
We have/are! We’ve already picked our date, discussed many aspects of our ceremony/event plans, talked some of the logistics of family wrangling, etc.
We’re not “engaged,” but we’re also not getting engaged, in the traditional sense, since we’re not getting married (we’re going to have a non-legal, non-marriage commitment ceremony or celebration of love event). I still consider myself “waiting,” though, since I’m waiting for a ring, even though I’ve made it clear that I don’t expect him to propose a non-marriage (How would he even word that? “Would you please be my non-wife?” “Grow old with me?” Hmmm.) unless that’s something that he wants to do. I would be totally content with having him just hand the ring over, or with the two of us unpacking the ring together when it arrives, or something like that. I don’t feel the need for a proposal. I’ve also made it clear that I don’t feel like he needs to purchase the ring – we already share finances, and I am totally fine with sharing the cost of the ring purchase, even though the ring set I have selected (we discussed it together) is not an expensive one (less than $1000). I also said that if he wants a ring, I am totally behind that, but if he doesn’t want one, or if he wants one but then wants to not wear it/wear it only occasionally, I’m totally cool with that, too.
So I guess, while I consider our commitment real, I won’t consider the “we’re actually going to have this ceremony, holy crap, we should probably start reserving things” aspect of things real until I have a ring on my finger, regardless of how it gets there. I’m not really sure why.
Post # 8
@sostobe: You don’t need a ring to be “officially” engaged. I’ve been married for 8 months and don’t have an engagement ring. Are you waiting for a ring or a proposal? You can have one without the other.
Post # 9
We haven’t gone through the nitty gritty details but we have talked a lot about what we want.
We both want a very small, intimate, immediate-family-only wedding in my childhood chapel.
So of course we agreed on the venue, we’ve talked extensively about the guest list so we can stand our ground if anyone tries to pressure for a bigger wedding. We’ve talked about where to go for dinner after that will be convenient for everyone and we even went to eat there one night to check out the food!
We’ve decided where we’ll go for our honeymoon and where we’ll stay. He asked me a couple months ago to send him pictures of rings I like! YAY!
Post # 10
We are too! We officially settled on a date last week and have started passing the word around to our families. We have already vetted a bunch of venues (we’re doing a DW) we don’t want, and in the next couple of weeks will look at the list of venues we may want.
The proposal and ring are coming, I’m guessing sometime in the new year. He knows which ring I want and said he will be speaking with my family before he proposes and once he has the ring.
We may be doing it “backwards” but with a DW we want to give people as much notice as possible so they can decide if they want/have the means to attend.
Post # 11
We looked at venues before being ” officially” engaged. We talked and planned a lot out. We were official a few weeks after.
Post # 12
@sostobe: Totally!! We had been together for 9 years before he proposed so there was plenty of time to talk about everything. We looked at venues, caterers, rings, etc. I knew it was coming by our 9th anniversary and while it wasn’t a surprise, the excitement came with being able to tell everyone, actually putting money down & booking things, trying on dresses, etc. I’m sure it will still be exciting for you ;-).
Post # 13
It is such a relief to know that I’m not the only one doing this! We’ve decided on the church and venue, wedding colours, guest list…I know the proposal is coming, but the anticipation is driving me crazy!
Post # 14
@Polyphemus: you said
…We’re not “engaged,” but we’re also not getting engaged, in the traditional sense, since we’re not getting married (we’re going to have a non-legal, non-marriage commitment ceremony or celebration of love event). I still consider myself “waiting,” though, since I’m waiting for a ring, even though I’ve made it clear that I don’t expect him to propose a non-marriage (How would he even word that? “Would you please be my non-wife?” “Grow old with me?” Hmmm.) unless that’s something that he wants to do…
This makes me go hmmmm? It’s just odd, you have to admit, that someone hangs out on a wedding chat board, not planning to get married, but planning a ceremony, and waiting for the Intended One to get going toward the ceremony that celebrates something that isn’t marriage.
If this is snarky I don’t intend it to be. I’m putting it in the category of “we humans are a strange lot.”
It’s just–unusual. All of the people I know who are in committed-but-not-legally-binding relationships care as little for any trappings like a big White Wedding as they do for the legality. Not sure I can relate to it, but wanting to wear a pretty long white dress and have a sparkly ring–I can relate to that! 🙂
Post # 15
We started the planning process before the ring, but we never ended up booking anything until after – like starting 8 months after lol.
Post # 16
Yes! We’ve all but settled on a date at this point, and we generally know the venue we want. We have also looked at rings and received custom renders from jewelers. I know we are going to get married, all that’s left is the official proposal. I don’t consider us engaged, though.
Your situation sounds a bit different though, and it sounds like you’re “unofficially officlally” engaged 😛