Before I met DH I was pretty sure I never wanted to get married. It was definitely nothing I ever thought about before. I didn't plan a dream wedding when I was growing up, I never played wedding, I never looked at wedding dresses or imagined my own.
After a few years with DH, I started to think that I would like to be married to him, but still didn't follow that thought to the conclusion of needing a traditional wedding. In face, once we got engaged I begged him to elope. But having a traditional wedding WAS something HE had thought about a lot, and it something that was very important to him to do, so we compromised and had a fairly small wedding.
Haha you are not weird! I think a lot of people have changed their minds on the subject though it was quite different for me. I always knew I wanted to get married. My parents have been married 39 years and I want what they have. always have. It wasnt like a priority though i wasn't out there searching for my future husband or planning a dream wedding in my head. I actually never thought about the wedding much until I was actually engaged but marriage...yes. i have always wanted to get married and have a family of my own.
@totheislnds: I bet your parents were a good source of inspiration. My parents got married in a registry offie (which is fine) with no family around, did not have a good marriage at all and ended up divorcing when I was 18 after what I'm certain were a string of affairs on each's part (they only stayed together because of my brother and me, plus my dad worked all over the world most of our teenage years). COULD explain my initial dispassion.
@Jezika: They were def an inspiration for me and its funny how that can affect you later in life though i have a sister who has been married and divorced and is totally against getting married again. funny how two people can be brought up in the same enviornment and have different outlooks. either way i respect both sides of the spectrum and can understand the initial fear of getting married. Glad you come to other side though! Marriage can be a beautiful thing and weddings are a ton of fun even with the stress finances and planning haha.
I was pretty anti-marriage until I met my SO when I was 30. I enjoyed other people's weddings, but I secretly felt sorry for them. I was also really meh about diamonds and figured I'd never want one ever.
2 years into our relationship, I was living with him and it was quite obvious that he was my soul mate forever. one day I was at a grocery store and caught a glimpse of martha stewart's wedding magazine. on it was a stunning asscher cut ring. it hit me like a truck: I wanted to marry my boyfriend, and I wanted a ring just like that one! two revelations in one.
well, 4 years later, I'm married now. I absolutely hated planning a weddding (I knew I would), but it was worth the work because that wedding was amazing. and I still really love diamonds (but I'd rather have moissanite, because I still think the price they ask for diamonds is ridonculous).
but if anybody asked me if I'd do it again? I'd say that I would elope!!
Over the years, I have had periods of being obsessed with planning and then periods of not even thinking about it. lol I'm a flip-flopper. Right now, I am in the planning mode. Even though I'm not even engaged yet but I'm like thinking of EVERYTHING, even songs! It's pretty bad. lol
I don't think you are weird at all.
My experience was a bit different though. Growing up, I never really thought about my wedding day, but I always just knew that I would get married. Which is weird, because I grew up in a single parent home and never dated much. For some reason I just knew it would happen though. It sounds corny, but the night I met my now fiance, I knew we would get married.
As far as the wedding goes, I have never really been interested. Even though I dreamed about marriage, I dont ever remember dreaming about my wedding day. I dreamed more about having a family, children, and a nice home. Basically, the opposite of what I grew up in.
@janie-janie It's relieving to see someone come out okay on the other side after hating wedding planning! Right now it just makes me want to pull my hair out!
@Jezkia I don't think it's weird. I however always knew I'd be married. I was very blessed to come from a home with a good marriage and that probably was a big influence. But when I thought of it, it was always the "being married", not the wedding part; they are quite separate to me.
Your future sounds very bright and full of love! I've also wondered how my pet will handle not being the baby of the family anymore.
I never had a problem with marriage, but I was never the type to fantasize about things I didn't know I could have. I never expected to find a boyfriend or fiance, really just due to a lack of confidence.
It did always bother me the pressure and importance that society seems to put on marriage, as though being a wife and mother makes you a better person than being single. I know too many people who look down on others for being single and it is just really sad.
@kerensa I agree, the pressure is ridiculous. It's so dumb when people talk about single people like it's a problem that needs to be fixed... really? If they are happy, it's none of anyone's business. They'll choose to find a partner or be single if they want.
I was definitely never the marrying kind. I didn't have the greatest view of marriage. My mom was married and divorced twice, my grandpap has been married three times (widowed once, divorced once), my other grandparents had a terrible marriage due to my grandpa being an alcoholic - I just never grew up with any good marriages, so I had the worst view of them. My favorite marriage-related phrase was, "Marriage is just a relationship you have to pay to get out of." I seriously hated the idea.
And then, of course, FI came along, and we'd been together less than a year when I realized I wanted to marry the hell out of this man, haha. My mom even mentioned the other day that she can't believe there was a man out there who managed to change my mind! What can I say, he's awesome :)
I have always know that I wanted to get married. Seeing my parents' wonderful marriage growing up probably helped influence this thought too. I didn't obsess over it or anything though.
I’m the opposite. Growing up I was obsessed with weddings. Every guy I met, I would imagine my first name with his last name (funny, because now I don't plan on changing my name). After getting engaged and spending the last 1.5 years planning a wedding and spending tens of thousands of dollars on this one day, I am now thinking “what’s the point?!” I love my FI and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but knowing what I know now..I have no idea why I was go crazy for weddings all my life.
I never wanted to get married. I was one of those girls who didn't dream about weddings or marrying the boy I had a crush on. For many years it was just a piece of paper. And then I met my boy... and I knew instantly that I was going to marry him! It was just a feeling. I now realise it just never felt right with my ex, and I never would have married him. But my boy... he is super special and I love the idea of becoming a family
I never thought about getting married.. it was just sort of a distant idea. I never thought about the details, the dress, anything. I actually kind of thought I'd never get married cause I'm kind of a ridiculous slightly awkward person.. but then I also thought, "nah, I'm cool.....someone will want me...someday!"
When I first met my boyfriend I think I knew right away he was *the one* but I didn't really know it. When he asked me to be a girlfriend with roses and a card, only knowing him a few weeks, I literally thought he was nuts. And when he brought up marriage less than 3 months later I was like..get me out of here. But somewhere in my mind I knew he was right, so I'd smile and we'd talk about it..then move on. We have now been together for 2.5 years.
I know we will be engaged in the coming weeks (he has said so) and I am so excited. I have picked out ALL my vendors (and backups.) Now I just have to get a ring so I can start planning details details details.
I do not know why I have become so obsessed with planning my still fictional wedding, but I have. I think it really got bad this last month because I don't have a job (I'm an RN between jobs) so I have allllllllllllllllll this free time.
I dreamt about getting married as a little girl. Then I went through a long phase of having commitment issues (after having been heartbroken. I thought I'd met my soulmate.) and not wanting to get married ever. And then I met FI, and he was the right person. Wouldn't have overcome my commitment issues and fear of being vulnerable to hurt if I didn't love him.
@RNskillet: How exciting for you! I am pretty much in the same boat! Can't wait to hear about your proposal.
@Shlieka: Exactly. The right person changes you :)
I am the exact opposite. I dreamed of a fairytale wedding when I was little and now we are not having one. I know exactly how this happened...my sister made such a big deal on hers, and spent so much money...it made me dislike the whole thing. I love the idea of marriage and the unity and commitment it represents. My parents were married for 40 years before my dad passed.
The whole fakeness of her wedding and how she got caught up in everything else and not remembering what it really was about; really got to me and shall I say "ruined" me. Now we are not having one and just eloping...after all, it's about us and not everyone else...and we are fine with it.
I really wish I was not jaded towards having a wedding, but I don't know how to get the foul taste of it out of my system.
I never wanted to get married and I never dreamed of my future wedding... I didn't like the idea of it at all... until I met the person I wanted to marry lol.
I never had the fairytale wedding dreams until I met my SO. I love him and couldn'tve asked for a better man! He puts up with me being allergy girl lol!
I always knew I wanted to get married, but I never fantasized about my wedding until dh and I had been dating for a couple years--my brother got married after we'd been together for about 2 years, and I only started thinking about weddings while helping him plan his. I'd never seen a bridal magazine or blog or anything until about the 2.5 year relationship mark, when my bro and sil's wedding pics got on SMP and after that I was hooked!! lol luckily DH proposed less than a year later because I was going crazy waiting by then ;)
@Jezika: I've always been a big marriage person. But my 180 was about kids!
I have had some really bad experiences and was ready to just settle and the thought of having screaming children to raise all by myself (because my exes were childish losers) was horrifying.
Then I met my soulmate, and now everything is possible. He's already made the beautiful engagement ring happen (another thing I had also given up on) he's given me full run of the wedding and he's a hard worker like me so we're saving towards a house and children...the whole she-bang!
My other big 180...where I wanted to live...I always wanted a chic apartment in the city that had fantastic views and was center of everything...and had a lift (small pleasures, people) and now I'm set on a house with a yard! (another thing he can't live without)
It's funny what the right person can do for you :D
I thought I would never get married until I met DH. He was just 100% sure that is what he wanted from the start, and it gave me a lot of confidence in the relationship. It wasn't like he wanted to just "get married," he wanted to marry me :)
I've always wanted to get married. However, my parents didn't have a good marriage. They divorced after a very rocky marriage and both have remarried. If anything, my parent's marriage made me want a good, healthy marriage even more. But I did promise myself that I wouldn't marry a man until I was certain I would be happy spending the rest of my life with him. So far, married life is great!
I voted "other." I was never anti-marriage, but I always knew that I would never be a young bride. I also wasn't completely sold on the idea of having children, so I never dealt with the biological clock issue. I had absolutely no interest in tying myself down to any one person or thing when I got out of college.
I was brought up with the belief that my 20s would be a time to have adventures, travel, meet new people, enjoy a fun career, and things like that.
And did I ever. I would not trade those years for anything. I had a LOT of fun when I was single. I traveled to Europe, followed the Rolling Stones on tour, got kissed by Bruce Springsteen, met Paul McCartney and Bette Midler, had dinner with Gloria Steinem, spent an evening with Patrick Swayze at Hard Rock, etc. etc. I had a great career interviewing celebrities for a national news service.
It wasn't until I was in my mid-30s that I felt ready to meet the right guy and settle down. Of course, at that point the dating pool was dwindling. It took about 10 years after that to find my wonderful DH.
I wish I had met him about 10 years sooner, but it is what it is. I'm just so thankful we found each other. We both have never been happier. I love being settled down and snug as a bug with my DH. I don't want anything more in life.
I always knew I wanted to get married because my grandparents and parents are wonderful, but it was never seriously talked about until Mr. O.
I voted Other because I went through a brief period at the beginning of high school of being obsessed with weddings. I wanted to be a wedding consultant extremely bad. So I read tons of bridal magazines, and started dreaming about my own future wedding. Then I met my first boyfriend who shattered all my trust in males. I then went into a phase of being commitment phobic, up until I met my current SO. And now I want to get married again, because of him.
When I was a kid, I thought about my wedding. My friends and I all planned out our dream weddings and how we were going to marry rich doctors or something, all by the old age of 21 (haha, we were around 9 years old). The older I got, I stopped thinking about it that much, I figured I might get married one day but didn't really think about it. I went through a brief period of time when I didn't want to get married at all, and I was still in that stage when I met FH. When we met, neither one of us wanted to get married, but the longer we were together, the more we wanted to get married.
I was anti-marriage and babies before I met my SO! Meeting someone I could actually see myself having a future with made all the difference :)
I didn't see the point in getting married. I thought a long term relationship was the same if you had the document or not :/ We'll I was wrong and so I reconsidered my decision to never get married until late in life and ONLY if I had found the right person.
I'm happy I reconsidered :)
I did a 180! In my 20s I thought marriage was the least thing anyone should ever do and i vowed never to get married. I think this was because my impression of men was pretty low. As in none were really worthy enough to become husbands, they all sucked in some way! And I wasn't even really burned in great anyway, I guess it was summation of all men in my life (uncles, father, guy friends, boyfriends)
LOL
So yes I have changed, I don't feel like that any more, and I was quite naive about love back then.
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When I was growing up, getting married and having a beautiful wedding were definitely not part of my fantasies or dreams. Later, even in serious relationships, the thought of marriage would seriously freak me out. Even up until a year ago, when my boyfriend (who I'd been with for three years at the time) suggested we consider marriage, I begged him sincerely to never propose to me because I was positively against wedding and marriage. My biggest qualm with it all was spending so much money and experiencing so much stress for essentially just one big party and some pieces of paper. Defiant, I felt smart that in the absence of marriage we'd be saving both money and hassle and did not need the titles of husband and wife to validate our relationship, not to mention we'd be going against social pressures and the boring "norm".
Well, one year later I am now OBSESSED with getting engaged, married, picking dresses, bridesmaids, videographers(!), calling each other husband and wife, being able to visit my in-laws, wondering how our cat will respond to our future baby, buying special Links of London charms with the dreamy thought of eventually passing them down to our future granddaughter, etc etc. I'm obsessed with every little detail. Even just thinking about it has renewed my feelings of love for my boyfriend. Moreover, because I am 26 and he is 30, I am feeling that in order to start a family when we'd ideally want, engagement MUST. HAPPEN. NOW.
The oddest thing is, I am unable to pinpoint ANY stimulus that has prompted my change in mindset. Seriously weird. And, of course, my poor boyfriend is probably skeptical about my pleading for a proposal, which doesn't really help my cause.
Anyone else had this happen, or am I just a weirdo?