Anyone else done a 180 on their opinion of marriage?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you always been passionate about marriage?
    Yes. I even dreamed of my wedding day in utero. : (25 votes)
    13 %
    Weeell, I knew I'd probably get married some day, but was never preoccupied with it. : (77 votes)
    41 %
    I was kind of "meh" until I met my partner. : (47 votes)
    25 %
    Goodness, no. I wouldn't have touched it with a barge pole back then. : (32 votes)
    17 %
    Other (please explain) : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Member
    4056 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Before I met DH I was pretty sure I never wanted to get married. It was definitely nothing I ever thought about before. I didn’t plan a dream wedding when I was growing up, I never played wedding, I never looked at wedding dresses or imagined my own. 

    After a few years with DH, I started to think that I would like to be married to him, but still didn’t follow that thought to the conclusion of needing a traditional wedding. In face, once we got engaged I begged him to elope. But having a traditional wedding WAS something HE had thought about a lot, and it something that was very important to him to do, so we compromised and had a fairly small wedding. 

    Member
    7804 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Haha you are not weird! I think a lot of people have changed their minds on the subject though it was quite different for me. I always knew I wanted to get married. My parents have been married 39 years and I want what they have. always have. It wasnt like a priority though i wasn’t out there searching for my future husband or planning a dream wedding in my head. I actually never thought about the wedding much until I was actually engaged but marriage…yes. i have always wanted to get married and have a family of my own.

    Member
    7682 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @totheislnds:  What you said!  Same here (thanks for typing it out for both of us, haha).

    Member
    7804 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @Jezika:  They were def an inspiration for me and its funny how that can affect you later in life though i have a sister who has been married and divorced and is totally against getting married again. funny how two people can be brought up in the same enviornment and have different outlooks. either way i respect both sides of the spectrum and can understand the initial fear of getting married. Glad you come to other side though! Marriage can be a beautiful thing and weddings are a ton of fun even with the stress finances and planning haha.

    Member
    3248 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I was pretty anti-marriage until I met my SO when I was 30.  I enjoyed other people’s weddings, but I secretly felt sorry for them.  I was also really meh about diamonds and figured I’d never want one ever.

    2 years into our relationship, I was living with him and it was quite obvious that he was my soul mate forever.  one day I was at a grocery store and caught a glimpse of martha stewart’s wedding magazine. on it was a stunning asscher cut ring. it hit me like a truck: I wanted to marry my boyfriend, and I wanted a ring just like that one!  two revelations in one. 

    well, 4 years later, I’m married now.  I absolutely hated planning a weddding (I knew I would), but it was worth the work because that wedding was amazing.  and I still really love diamonds (but I’d rather have moissanite, because I still think the price they ask for diamonds is ridonculous). 

    but if anybody asked me if I’d do it again? I’d say that I would elope!!

    Member
    1118 posts
    Bumble bee

    Over the years, I have had periods of being obsessed with planning and then periods of not even thinking about it. lol  I’m a flip-flopper.  Right now, I am in the planning mode.  Even though I’m not even engaged yet but I’m like thinking of EVERYTHING, even songs!  It’s pretty bad. lol

    Member
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    I don’t think you are weird at all.

    My experience was a bit different though. Growing up, I never really thought about my wedding day, but I always just knew that I would get married. Which is weird, because I grew up in a single parent home and never dated much. For some reason I just knew it would happen though. It sounds corny, but the night I met my now fiance, I knew we would get married.

    As far as the wedding goes, I have never really been interested. Even though I dreamed about marriage, I dont ever remember dreaming about my wedding day. I dreamed more about having a family, children, and a nice home. Basically, the opposite of what I grew up in.

    Member
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @janie-janie It’s relieving to see someone come out okay on the other side after hating wedding planning! Right now it just makes me want to pull my hair out!

    @Jezkia I don’t think it’s weird. I however always knew I’d be married. I was very blessed to come from a home with a good marriage and that probably was a big influence. But when I thought of it, it was always the “being married”, not the wedding part; they are quite separate to me.

    Your future sounds very bright and full of love! I’ve also wondered how my pet will handle not being the baby of the family anymore.

    Member
    4076 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I never had a problem with marriage, but I was never the type to fantasize about things I didn’t know  I could have.  I never expected to find a boyfriend or fiance, really just due to a lack of confidence.

    It did always bother me the pressure and importance that society seems to put on marriage, as though being a wife and mother makes you a better person than being single.  I know too many people who look down on others for being single and it is just really sad.

    Member
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @kerensa I agree, the pressure is ridiculous. It’s so dumb when people talk about single people like it’s a problem that needs to be fixed… really? If they are happy, it’s none of anyone’s business. They’ll choose to find a partner or be single if they want.

    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I was definitely never the marrying kind. I didn’t have the greatest view of marriage. My mom was married and divorced twice, my grandpap has been married three times (widowed once, divorced once), my other grandparents had a terrible marriage due to my grandpa being an alcoholic – I just never grew up with any good marriages, so I had the worst view of them. My favorite marriage-related phrase was, “Marriage is just a relationship you have to pay to get out of.” I seriously hated the idea.

    And then, of course, FI came along, and we’d been together less than a year when I realized I wanted to marry the hell out of this man, haha. My mom even mentioned the other day that she can’t believe there was a man out there who managed to change my mind! What can I say, he’s awesome :)

    Member
    13170 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I have always know that I wanted to get married.  Seeing my parents’ wonderful marriage growing up probably helped influence this thought too.  I didn’t obsess over it or anything though.

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