(Closed) Anyone else ever feel this way?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the waiting is excruciating up until the engagement…. at least, that’s how it was for me.  

I was never embarrassed about the fact we weren’t engaged as much as I was frustrated that other friends met, got engaged, and were married all in the time span of our pre-engagement years.

Post # 4
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m engaged now, but FI and I dated for over 5 years by the time he finally proposed. The worst was having to answer to family members when some of my younger cousins (who had been dating their FIs for less time than me) started getting engaged. I didn’t have a good answer (obvs, i was a waiting bee!) so it was deff embarrassing….

Post # 5
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely.

My parents are asking when, his parents are asking when, my brother and his wife are asking, his brother and his wife are asking, my grandparents are asking, even when I had to pick some earrings up from being repaired at a jewelry store the other day, my best friend asked if I was picking out a ring. It goes on! Every time I post a picture on facebook 12 of my friends comment “is this an engagement photo?” “I think this would be a good engagement photo!” “Did you get engaged on that holiday?” Eugh! NO, we’re STILL no engaged!

And the worst part is it probably won’t be for another 2 years (even though we’ve already been together for 4 1/2)!

Post # 6
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

I could see how it could be embarassing if family and friends weren’t supportive or didn’t trust your relationship because of the time you spent waiting. Your relationship is your relationship and I never thought it was fair when people react adversely when they hear you aren’t engaged. So what!? You’re not engaged. We’re big girls. We are perfectly capable of taking care of our interests and our lives. Their concern should be “Are you happy?”

I would feel awful if people called me names because they were obsessed with my relationship status instead of my happiness.

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2005

Oh, totally.  Or when you start feeling like everyone is pitying you behind your back (or sometimes even to your face) when they find out there still is no news on the engagement front! Grrr

Post # 9
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@GwenvonD:  I get embarrassed around colleagues when I have to say “yes, my boyfriend will be joining us” and everyone else says “spouse”.  It’s like the movie Sex and the City when Big tells Carrie that he’s a little to old to still be called someone’s “boyfriend”.  THAT’S when I get embarrased.  With friends and family it’s easier for me to brush or laugh off but it is definitely awkward with my professional peers.

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I feel embarassed when I have to refer to him as my boyfriend in a professional setting. I’m one of the youngest in the office as it as, so saying “my boyfriend and I…” makes me feel like Im 15 years old. Im almost 27 :/

Post # 11
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

It used to be when someone asked us how long we’ve been together, I’d answer with pride. I still do, but now they immediately zero in on my bare ring finger and ask “where’s the ring?” When friends tell someone I’m attached: “where’s the ring?” Even my older brother told me yesterday that I’m not getting any younger, and I should be settling down and having a family by now. Ugh. 

Post # 13
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bostongrl25:  LOL!  I wrote the EXACT same thing.  I’m 33 and he’s 35 and everyone at my job is just like “what’s the hold up”.  I also overheard some execs talking the other day about the employees they want to “keep their eye on” for promotions because a lot of people are getting clost to retirement age.  And they kept saying “oh def, so and so because he’s married and settled and isn’t going anywhere”.  It’s like they don’t take you as seriously unless you have a spouse, kids and a mortgage.

Post # 14
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

@Bostongrl25 & @GwenvonD: Right?! It’s sad. Because I’ve seen significantly more HUSBANDS that are terrible partners than I have terrible boyfriends. I wish boyfriend wasn’t the title. I think “boy” makes it seem childish. I’m not saying everyone’s husband is terrible. There are many perfect husbands out there. I was only mentioning it because it’s something I’ve personally witnessed. Just because he hasn’t put a ring on it doesn’t mean the relationship is silly and petty. I don’t feel embarrassed for not being engaged, but I find myself avoiding calling my SO my boyfriend for the reason above. I love him, I’m proud of him, I wish I could show him off to the world, so long as I didn’t have to call him “my boyfriend.” And “my partner” just sounds business-like to me. 🙂 I don’t know…

Post # 15
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think anyone saw my response.  Oh well, on to the next thread. Cool

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