- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ok, I have a confession to make. I sometimes have Romantic Guy Envy. I am with a Manly Man. He smokes cigars and drinks Scotch and likes to tinker with muscle cars. He watches nothing but Al Pacino type movies and I've never seen him cry. Sometimes I look at him and that Robin Hood Men In Tights Song runs through my head ("We're meeeen! We're manly meeen!")
It was a huge surprise to me that after many years of dating, this is who I fell in love with 'for real'. Until him, every boyfriend was a musician, a writer, a social activist. The kind of guys who kept books of poetry in their houses and made me personalized gifts for Valentine's Day. Guys who were, in short, more like me! And yet none of those relationships ever really felt right. Then one day I meet Mr. Opposite and found out it's true what they say!
My guy is not romantic, though! He does not understand the idea of symbolic gestures, he understands what is practical. Engagement photos of us frolicking through fall leaves? Never in a million years, he'd feel foolish and what would his buddies think? Creative proposal? What's the point? Rose petals on the sheets? Wouldn't they just be a hassle to clean up, really?
Now don't get me wrong. I love him more than I can say. And he shows his love for me, in a way that's in keeping with his sensible personality. I've seen him spend hours building bookshelves for my house because he thought I needed them. He's gone shopping at 3 in the morning to buy me 'lady products' when I ran out. Spent all day with a U-haul hauling my 18 boxes of shoes across town because he didn't want me spending my hard-earned money on movers.
Every once in awhile, though, I see a wedding blog detailing an FIs heartfelt, handwritten love note that he had cross-stitched onto a silk handkerchief, and I feel a twinge of that Romantic Guy Envy!
Anyone else in a similar boat? Reading wedding blogs I sometimes feel like all other guys in the world are out there writing poetic love notes every night!
I think that no matter what our SOs are never going to be EXACTLY like we wish. I have pretty much the exact opposite of you. I always thought I wanted a "guys guy" who could fix things and build me stuff, and I ended up with a total softy romantic. For the first little while that we dated, I actually didn't like it because I felt like the grand romantic gestures were too showy (like he was doing it for the purpose of looking good to other people) and I'd have rathered if he just did something like build me a shelf that is practical. Now I realize that everyone just expresses love differently. He's a romantic at heart and he shows that through grand gestures.
I think that you just need to realize that your guy clearly loves you and he shows it in his own way. To him, building you a shelf and fixing your car are romantic because he's making your life easier. Doesn't mean you can't dream of the occassional grand gesture though. And hey... it's probably easier for your guy to learn that flowers are important rather than my guy learn how to build a shelf ;)
My FI is not romantic. We spent our last Valentine's together hanging out with his aunt and uncle and drinking red headed sl*t drinks at the bar--no joke.
But I found myself getting RGE (Romantic Guy Envy) especially when watching tv and movies years ago. And I finally realized that that is not real. Every kiss isn't super passionate, every walk in the park isn't romantic, and beaches don't always mean hand holding while frolicking in the waves together.
Sometimes I still compare our experiences to others but for the most part that is all it is--our experiences vs. other people's and no two are alike and no two should be alike. It actually makes me look a lot harder at his words and his gestures to find the deeper meanings behind them which in my opinion, is a good thing because they will not go unnoticed and I appreciate them more than if he just said "I love you".
Your guy does sound romantic--just in his own way. I'm sure not everyone's FI on here would do the things your guy does for you and that's something to envy you for right there. You just need to focus on the meanings of what he does for you and those will speak louder than any poem he could write for you. :)
I have a guy's guy, too. He's an electrician who also fixes cars, fishes, camps and drinks scotch. But there are those moments where his soft side shows through. He cries at the end of movies like Seven Pounds and The Notebook. Every morning before he goes to work he comes back to bed to cuddle at least 2 times. He doesn't like to hold hands a lot, but when he does take my hand it's always a pleasant surprise. One of his favorite movies is Cinderella. I could go on...
While the majority of the time he's seen as this tough guy, there are those little things that always remind me of his romantic sensitive side. And I think it's even more special that only I know about them.
My fiance gets romantic very, very occasionally....but when he does, he makes me feel like a princess. I think if he did that stuff every day I would start to take it for granted.
I initially had RGE too, but then I realized that everyday he does little things to make me happy-- its his way of being romantic. Does he sing me songs, write poetry or plan magical candlelit evenings? No... but he does show me he loves me over & over again every day! I actually don't think I'd like a guy that was THAT sensitive. lol
My FI works so hard at providing a comfortable life for us & our future children, he comes home for lunch no matter how busy his schedule is just to get that extra few hours with me, he buys me awful cupcake trinkets because I own a small cupcake shop (and I proudly display these things by my register!) & he watches my awful trashy girl shows like Bridezilla so he can cuddle with me on the couch...
You have to take the little things for what they are! Tv & movies show these wonderfully romantic guys and it makes us doubt our own men!
Aw, these posts are sweet! I should appreciate what I have more and not go looking for what I don't. 
Mr. DG is so stinking practical that it kills me sometimes. Around the time we thought we might want to be together forever, I got him a watch for Christmas. I put a lot of thought into what I was going to get... He got me... wait for it... A rice cooker. His reasoning was that I needed one, and that it could double as a crockpot.
Yup, that's my romantic guy! He's bought me flowers once in the 7 years we've known each other, and told me never to expect another piece of jewelery after my ring. After all, it's not a tool and it doesn't do anything, dontcha know?
But his romanticism comes through in another way. Every day he makes me feel completely bathed in love and he always thinks about me before he even thinks of himself.
There will be no grand romantic gestures in this house, but there is plenty of love... and that's enough for me!
Ahhhh, DG, your post is so sweet! And I love that your partner bought you a rice cooker for Christmas. Lol! It really was thoughtful... just a different kind of thoughtfulness. :)
I think one thing that has really stuck with me is something our pre-marital counselor said during our first session. She said that it's easy to remember all the things your SO does wrong, but it's hard to remember all the things your SO does right. My husband does a million things every single day that proves how much he loves me, but it's easy for me to get sucked into remembering only the things he didn't do (like the dishes :). Everyone has different ways of expressing their love; it's just a matter of recognizing his method and appreciating that part of his personality.
My guy is not the most romantic guy, but he is VERY practical and realistic. He'll take me out for nice dinners, but nothing to "sweep me off my feet" and I'm okay with that. Gestures wear off after awhile. I've gotten flowers 3 times in the past 5 years. I got him a card on our wedding day, secretly hoping he'd send me flowers but of course wouldn't. He spontaneously buys me plane tickets just b/c he misses me and don't get mad at me when I jab him for snoring and make him take his Zicam. He gives me the "good" pillow and is considerate enough to understand that sometimes EJS doesn't like to be grabbed at. Just b/c i'm not wearing a bra doesn't mean it's a free-touch zone =].
But yes, i swoon over the romantic gestures, too, but seriously, how many men are like that?! far and few between. My dad surprises mom with jewelry; DH won't do that. I have to ask if i want something. He got me a digital picture frame before he got deployed and sent me a card from the airport. He tells me tactfully when my dress looks a little tight on me and yet encouraes me to go eat wings with him.
Shoot if that's my *big* complaint about him (pretty minor, my "big" complaint is that he doesn't like healtjy food or sushi with me lol) then I have it pretty good.
Read and have him read the Five Love Languages book. At least skim it, or highlight the love languages that make you tick for him to read, and explain what you do for him that show you love him. Maybe he will give you some romance then!
I sometimes wish my husband could verbally express his feelings better, or at least more often. He makes sweet gestures (buys me flowers, I get smothered in hugs and kisses everyday) so I can't complain. And after a long day at work coming home to a spotless kitchen and a glass of wine waiting is just about the sexiest thing in the world, but maybe that isn't everyone's vision of romance. :)
Circuspeanut, don't be embarassed! I feel that way too, especially when I read some of the Bee's fantastic hubbies-to-be's sweet gestures (Like Miss Duckling's FH bought her a cute little "home" sign and roses when they moved in....SO SWEET! And I was SO jealous!)...I totally wish FH was more romantic....He is definitely a manly man, played football in college, I've never seen him cry and he is very practical and un-emotional...I wish I could say the same things as most of these posters, that it's ok bc he does this, this and this but I can't bc, well, I really wish he was more sweet and romantic...Oh well, can't have everything, I suppose...
Oh, I hear you - especially when you say that every BF before was more like you and it never worked until you tried something different.
My guy is so far from romantic. We get along, though, and truly care about each other. He shows that he cares by helping out around the house (yes, in manly ways like doing the yard and taking care of the cars) and taking time to eat dinner with me every night.
I agree with Melissabegins read the book "Five Love Languages". It describes the 5 different styles of expressing love. Acts of service is one of them which seems is what your FI is. The book helps a couple identify her love language and his love language.This way the couple knows how the other person shows love and how they like to be loved. I bet if changed his oil, he would love it because he's receiving love the same way he gives it.
Oh, I guess I should tell you all the love languages, huh.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gift giving
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
While I am sure we like all of these. One is your primary love language but you could have a secondary. Your love language means that is how you tend to show love and prefer to receive love. Just be aware of your FI's love language, though. If you're gift giving, and he's acts of service. His "love tank" will only feel full when he receives acts of service. Anyway...I recommend the book to all couples getting married.
I daydream about coming home to freshly washed and laundered sheets, a glass of wine, a clean house. You know, "honey, I took care of everything, relax with me!"
Since DH will be unemployed when he gets out of the Army, i've been dropping lots of not so subtle hints telling him what his "new job" is as my "house husband". I figure if i'm the one with the job and taking classes and he's not, he can take care of me =P.
When he was at work Monday I did his laundry for him AND cleaned his room. I felt compelled by the mess! Boy i wish men had that drive =]
My boy toy is a man's man too. And, because we really are best friends, he feels like he can treat me like one of the guys sometimes. Something I always found endearing.
But, as soon as we got engaged I got RGE (Romantic Guy Envy). I think the nervousness is just facing the fact that you are going to spend the rest of your life with this man. 60+ years of "Goodfellas," engine grease, grunting, beef jerky, and romantic gestures like telling me it's my night to pick which of the "Godfathers" we watch. *swoon*
Like everyone else said, those types of guys show their love in different ways. As soon as we identify those gestures, we'll feel better. And, do I really need rose petals to the bedroom that I would just have to vacuum up later?
FI isn't overly romantic in the way of gifts (not that I need gifts), but he does tend spoil me with attention (a lot of the time). The only real thing I have to complain about is when he gets to my house the night before his days off, he usually jumps right on his computer and starts gaming. Kind of annoying if I'm doing something and don't even know that he's been there for an hour already.
But we do spend our day off each week together and he is really sweet and romantic when we're alone. He'll send me texts and kiss emoticons (sp?) randomly too. :)
My guy is so rarely romantic it is insanely frustrating. The only time he does anything remotely romantic is when I bug him so much about it that he just does something to make me stop nagging him. Why is it so hard for guys?!!!?? I tell him exactly what to do and he still can't. Makes no sense to me. I wish life were more like movies! That would be perfect!
my hubby is not romantic but ive learnt its not about romance and flowers with him.
ive mentioned in another thread he has walked around the neighbourhood in the dark & rain looking for me one night. another time we were at a party and some guy said something to me sexually and i was shocked by how fired up he got about "protecting his woman" because in reality i can take care of myself and him without thinking about it. last year we went away for my birthday and he arranged a birthday cake to be made especially for me - amazing considering we were on a very small island with a total of 8 people and it didnt even have running electricity or drinking water.
Oh, i loooove getting really random/sweet text messages from him during the day. He's really good about that. They just make my day and are the most heartfelt things.
omg... i would be happy for more than a 1 character resonse from him when i do text him!
i give him this big text and he answers back "K"
not at all romantic i tell you!
Circus Peanut -I have Romantic Guy. While I love him dearly and am marrying him, I will tell you that sometimes, I have Manly Man envy. So, it goes both ways. Mine is so romantic that the day he proposed was Valentine;s Day and I had no clue that something was up even though: he made me breakfast in bed, had a surprise massage booked for me at a fancy spa, had choc. covered strawberries and champagne when we got home, flowers, etc because I thought it was just like a normal Valentine's Day! (Sometimes I really can be clueless???) But, sometimes, I want some of the things you have with Manly Man. No one can be all things at all times. We are marrying our guys becaue we love them and they love us; because of, and in spite of, who we are.
this is funny but my guy is not romantic whatsoever, yes he expects me to be, it's weird. And I'm horrible at showing much emotion, I come off as a cold hearted b*tch most of the time. So I've at least started this list of writing down at least one thing a day that he did that was nice or why I'm thankful he's in my life, I hope he enjoys it!
I love this thread! The Love Languages thing is really cool, I never would have thought of it that way. It made me realize that one expression is not 'better' than another. And also, he probably would like it if I used his 'language' with him some of the time too!
Yeah, I have RGE sometimes. He hasn't said he loves me but he does help me with my resume, fix my computer, set up a wireless network in our apartment (and named it after me lol), and snuggle and give me back massages. So I think, from the little bit of the 5 love languages, he's probably not the verbal type... But I think he'll tell me when he's ready. His family is not at all the verbal type. His parents have told them they love him like twice in his life... So for me, it's so weird because my parents tell me everyday. But I can't help but wish he'd say it! And buy more flowers, and maybe write a poem... :)
Sometimes, I wish my FI was more romantic, but I am much more thankful for all his great qualities and the awesome relationship we have. I can always count on him, he loves me and wants to be with me everyday. I have had more romantic boyfriends, but my FI was the one that proposed!
I used to feel the same way. My ex and I would never hold hands and such in public, and he was just a gamer. It sucked. But my bf now, is very touchy feely (in stores even, I have DDD and his hand always seems to be within an inch of them, lol) and he is a manly man as well. But I have always found them attractive. White t-shirts, working on cars and drinking beers. I thought it was sexy when I couldn't open the pickle jar and HE could! :) But even though he doesn't really do anything romantice like I have always wanted, I HAVE found to be appreciative and take certain things as being romantic. Like when he thinks of me, and buys me a pack of smokes, or a pop from the store cuz he knew I would be thirsty. Or he sees that I enjoy fishing with him, but only bottom fishing, and even though he knows the only places around us are full of baby fish on the bottom, he still wastes his whole day there (instead of going out and possibly catching some good eating) just so I could enjoy myself, while he LOVES fishing. So it's the little things that really mean a lot, and I have learned to notice them. :) Like how he knew when we were walking through walmart and I said I needed girly things, which ones to grab. He got the SUPER PLUS MEGA GIANORMOUS COSTCO-SIZE pack of tampons, lol. The exact ones I would have grabbed. :)
Little things like that make it worth it. :)
my fiance is a bit too affectionate smetimes I need to control him
hes very romantic no problem there he flew all the way from europe to surprise me when i has having a bad day
My FI is a total mush. He cries a LOT, is SUPER sentimental and nostalgic, loves being affectionate, tells me how much he loves me all the time, all that kind of stuff. He is super communicative about his feelings, too. So, he's definitely Romantic Guy and I totally appreciate and love that about him.
However. I have definitely have had a lot of incidents like, "what, do I have to BEG you to help me out around the house occasionally? do I have to actually scream and cry in order for you to stop playing video games and assist in cleaning up the giant mess in the kitchen which is 75% yours?" or "I just finished cleaning up the house and you came home from work and threw your stuff all over the place!"
So, nobody is perfect, and nobody can be 100% compatible with our needs and wants. I sympathize!
My boyfriend is so the absent-minded professor type it's not even funny. He does a fantastic job of telling me he loves me every single day but... oh, would it kill him to bring me flowers every once in a while? Really? The good thing is that he's aware of just how unromantic he is and apologizes for it and honestly, the awareness that he's not romantic is kinda sweet :) That being said, I do sometimes get RGE when someone's boyfriend does something unexpectedly romantic!
My boyfriend is great about showing affection. He will wrap his arms around me and hold me in public, use words of affirmation and compliment/encourage me regularly (LOVE it), give me foot massages whenever we lie on the couch together, indulge in long romantic kisses...he's even written me a song! Yeah, so I can't say that I've ever been jealous of other couples. If anything, I've been the one that feels like I'm not being romantic! I tend to speak in the love language of service, the least glamorous love language. "I'll clean that up. Yeah, I folded the laundry for you, I know how you hate doing it. I made banana bread, would you like some? How about a back massage? Need anything? Need a drink, food, anything?!"
His practicality and utilitarian ways are romantic to me! I grew up in a house where my dad fixed everything! His favorite tools were: hammer, duct tape and cement. Anything and everything could be fixed with any of those three handyman staples. So when my FI hangs up a picture, unclogs a toilet or works on my car it feels like home. When he washes dishes or takes out the trash, i practically melt.
I was going to say, no, Mr V's really romantic... but he's kinda not! I never realised until now haha. I just feel super loved, but he's never bought me flowers or written a sweet note. He DOES things for me, and that makes me go "awww". But both of our love languages are 'acts of service' and 'physical affection', and we are both super blase (luckily for him :P) about gifts. Actually, he's pretty verbally affirming too! So, he's not romantic, but he does show his affection freely. I don't know... define romantic?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this topic!!! I love my fiance but there are some times I wish he would hold my hand, write me sweet emails during the day, randomly bring me flowers, etc. You see it in movies, with other people, and you think "that's what we're supposed to be like." RGE!
But when he does little things, like let me watch "Say Yes to the Dress," I can really appreciate it as a nice gesture (because, really, he'd rather gouge his eyes out than watch a show not only about fashion, but about wedding fashion!)
My guy couldn't do romance if he had studied for a PhD in it. I've never gotten flowers - didn't get a proper proposal - will never get a romantic home cooked meal from him. But...he is incredibly thoughtful and honestly puts thought into what will make me happy. For example, I'm a Religious Studies graduate, environmentalist and vegetarian. On our second date he found an organic temple restaurant to take me to in a city where very little is vegetarian. There was nothing romantic about it...but he put a lot of effort into finding a place that would make me smile. On another occasion, he picked me up from the airport after a 20 hr trip and when I got in the car, I realized he had purchased an Amy Winehouse (one of my favs) live dvd and he put it on (we have MP3/GPS/Video/Satellite tv contraptions here for cars), and let me relax by watching it on the way home. There will never be roses, but he tries his best to make me happy in his own way.^^
The people mentioning "you can't have it both ways" and the 5 love languages are onto something! I have a total romantic for a husband, and there are times when I wish he were less in touch with his emotions (even though that's one of the chief things I love about him). It can be hard because I am very emotionally sensitive and so is he; when one of us gets upset the other one gets set off and it can be difficult to snap out of it. It's made me grow up some, being in a relationship with him, because sometimes I have to pull myself up by my own bootstraps instead of waiting for someone to do it for me. So it's made me grow as a person, but that isn't always easy! I would talk with him about the 5 love languages though. My husband has a heady streak of Acts of Service, which I had been overlooking or discounting before he drew my attention to it. It will definitely help you understand one another better! Good luck!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one with RGE! I am a hopeless romantic... I love the thought of rose petals on the bed, and candlelight dinners. But no! I don't get those. I know he loves me, but like every girl, sometimes it is hard because I find myself wishing for the sappy ness. Instead he loves me in his own way, which doesn't include sappy stuff. He does everything he can to make me happy, just in his own way and time, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
My fiance is sort of in the middle of things - always tells me how much he loves me everyday, writes ridiculously mushy anniversary cards - but when he was proposing, he showed me the ring, and I said, "Aren't you supposed to ask me something?!" but I still got no speech :P
Honestly I just wish he was more into DANCING and KARAOKE! That's what we fight about!
Speaking of act of service....after a wedding we were in (me, completely blasted after, oh, 2 drinks, him, completely sober), he walked all the way to a piano bar with me and my friends just because *I* wanted to go with all *my* friends and he sat in that stinky, beer-filled bar at midnight with all of us shouting at the pianists and our friends on stage (who just got married so they were being serenaded lol) and drove both my roommate and I home, picked us up TACO BELL and didn't give us hell in the morning =]. And, he just let me go straight to sleep when I got home.
Considering he easily could have stamped his foot and said "No, i'm taking your drunk ass home", I'm still pretty amazed at his generosity to share me with some friends I haven't seen in a good year or so! I must remember this when it's my turn to be the DD =]
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
 sylvia.riggle |
10 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ladyartichoke | 3 |
| tibbets | 3 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| RayKay | 2 |
| sylvia.riggle |
2 |
| Loribeth | 1 |
| pengoala | 1 |
| JessM10 | 1 |
| dannielle89 | 1 |
| Amanda_Rae | 1 |
