Post # 1
Ok, I have a confession to make. I sometimes have Romantic Guy Envy. I am with a Manly Man. He smokes cigars and drinks Scotch and likes to tinker with muscle cars. He watches nothing but Al Pacino type movies and I’ve never seen him cry. Sometimes I look at him and that Robin Hood Men In Tights Song runs through my head (“We’re meeeen! We’re manly meeen!”)
It was a huge surprise to me that after many years of dating, this is who I fell in love with ‘for real’. Until him, every boyfriend was a musician, a writer, a social activist. The kind of guys who kept books of poetry in their houses and made me personalized gifts for Valentine’s Day. Guys who were, in short, more like me! And yet none of those relationships ever really felt right. Then one day I meet Mr. Opposite and found out it’s true what they say!
My guy is not romantic, though! He does not understand the idea of symbolic gestures, he understands what is practical. Engagement photos of us frolicking through fall leaves? Never in a million years, he’d feel foolish and what would his buddies think? Creative proposal? What’s the point? Rose petals on the sheets? Wouldn’t they just be a hassle to clean up, really?
Now don’t get me wrong. I love him more than I can say. And he shows his love for me, in a way that’s in keeping with his sensible personality. I’ve seen him spend hours building bookshelves for my house because he thought I needed them. He’s gone shopping at 3 in the morning to buy me ‘lady products’ when I ran out. Spent all day with a U-haul hauling my 18 boxes of shoes across town because he didn’t want me spending my hard-earned money on movers.
Every once in awhile, though, I see a wedding blog detailing an FIs heartfelt, handwritten love note that he had cross-stitched onto a silk handkerchief, and I feel a twinge of that Romantic Guy Envy!
Anyone else in a similar boat? Reading wedding blogs I sometimes feel like all other guys in the world are out there writing poetic love notes every night!
Post # 3
I think that no matter what our SOs are never going to be EXACTLY like we wish. I have pretty much the exact opposite of you. I always thought I wanted a “guys guy” who could fix things and build me stuff, and I ended up with a total softy romantic. For the first little while that we dated, I actually didn’t like it because I felt like the grand romantic gestures were too showy (like he was doing it for the purpose of looking good to other people) and I’d have rathered if he just did something like build me a shelf that is practical. Now I realize that everyone just expresses love differently. He’s a romantic at heart and he shows that through grand gestures.
I think that you just need to realize that your guy clearly loves you and he shows it in his own way. To him, building you a shelf and fixing your car are romantic because he’s making your life easier. Doesn’t mean you can’t dream of the occassional grand gesture though. And hey… it’s probably easier for your guy to learn that flowers are important rather than my guy learn how to build a shelf 😉
Post # 4
My Fiance is not romantic. We spent our last Valentine’s together hanging out with his aunt and uncle and drinking red headed sl*t drinks at the bar–no joke.
But I found myself getting RGE (Romantic Guy Envy) especially when watching tv and movies years ago. And I finally realized that that is not real. Every kiss isn’t super passionate, every walk in the park isn’t romantic, and beaches don’t always mean hand holding while frolicking in the waves together.
Sometimes I still compare our experiences to others but for the most part that is all it is–our experiences vs. other people’s and no two are alike and no two should be alike. It actually makes me look a lot harder at his words and his gestures to find the deeper meanings behind them which in my opinion, is a good thing because they will not go unnoticed and I appreciate them more than if he just said “I love you”.
Your guy does sound romantic–just in his own way. I’m sure not everyone’s Fiance on here would do the things your guy does for you and that’s something to envy you for right there. You just need to focus on the meanings of what he does for you and those will speak louder than any poem he could write for you. 🙂
Post # 5
I have a guy’s guy, too. He’s an electrician who also fixes cars, fishes, camps and drinks scotch. But there are those moments where his soft side shows through. He cries at the end of movies like Seven Pounds and The Notebook. Every morning before he goes to work he comes back to bed to cuddle at least 2 times. He doesn’t like to hold hands a lot, but when he does take my hand it’s always a pleasant surprise. One of his favorite movies is Cinderella. I could go on…
While the majority of the time he’s seen as this tough guy, there are those little things that always remind me of his romantic sensitive side. And I think it’s even more special that only I know about them.
Post # 6
My fiance gets romantic very, very occasionally….but when he does, he makes me feel like a princess. I think if he did that stuff every day I would start to take it for granted.
Post # 7
I initially had RGE too, but then I realized that everyday he does little things to make me happy– its his way of being romantic. Does he sing me songs, write poetry or plan magical candlelit evenings? No… but he does show me he loves me over & over again every day! I actually don’t think I’d like a guy that was THAT sensitive. lol
My FI works so hard at providing a comfortable life for us & our future children, he comes home for lunch no matter how busy his schedule is just to get that extra few hours with me, he buys me awful cupcake trinkets because I own a small cupcake shop (and I proudly display these things by my register!) & he watches my awful trashy girl shows like Bridezilla so he can cuddle with me on the couch…
You have to take the little things for what they are! Tv & movies show these wonderfully romantic guys and it makes us doubt our own men!
Post # 8
Aw, these posts are sweet! I should appreciate what I have more and not go looking for what I don’t.
Post # 9
Mr. DG is so stinking practical that it kills me sometimes. Around the time we thought we might want to be together forever, I got him a watch for Christmas. I put a lot of thought into what I was going to get… He got me… wait for it… A rice cooker. His reasoning was that I needed one, and that it could double as a crockpot.
Yup, that’s my romantic guy! He’s bought me flowers once in the 7 years we’ve known each other, and told me never to expect another piece of jewelery after my ring. After all, it’s not a tool and it doesn’t do anything, dontcha know?
But his romanticism comes through in another way. Every day he makes me feel completely bathed in love and he always thinks about me before he even thinks of himself.
There will be no grand romantic gestures in this house, but there is plenty of love… and that’s enough for me!
Post # 10
Ahhhh, DG, your post is so sweet! And I love that your partner bought you a rice cooker for Christmas. Lol! It really was thoughtful… just a different kind of thoughtfulness. 🙂
I think one thing that has really stuck with me is something our pre-marital counselor said during our first session. She said that it’s easy to remember all the things your SO does wrong, but it’s hard to remember all the things your SO does right. My husband does a million things every single day that proves how much he loves me, but it’s easy for me to get sucked into remembering only the things he didn’t do (like the dishes :). Everyone has different ways of expressing their love; it’s just a matter of recognizing his method and appreciating that part of his personality.
Post # 11
My guy is not the most romantic guy, but he is VERY practical and realistic. He’ll take me out for nice dinners, but nothing to “sweep me off my feet” and I’m okay with that. Gestures wear off after awhile. I’ve gotten flowers 3 times in the past 5 years. I got him a card on our wedding day, secretly hoping he’d send me flowers but of course wouldn’t. He spontaneously buys me plane tickets just b/c he misses me and don’t get mad at me when I jab him for snoring and make him take his Zicam. He gives me the “good” pillow and is considerate enough to understand that sometimes EJS doesn’t like to be grabbed at. Just b/c i’m not wearing a bra doesn’t mean it’s a free-touch zone =].
But yes, i swoon over the romantic gestures, too, but seriously, how many men are like that?! far and few between. My dad surprises mom with jewelry; Darling Husband won’t do that. I have to ask if i want something. He got me a digital picture frame before he got deployed and sent me a card from the airport. He tells me tactfully when my dress looks a little tight on me and yet encouraes me to go eat wings with him.
Shoot if that’s my *big* complaint about him (pretty minor, my “big” complaint is that he doesn’t like healtjy food or sushi with me lol) then I have it pretty good.
Post # 12
Read and have him read the Five Love Languages book. At least skim it, or highlight the love languages that make you tick for him to read, and explain what you do for him that show you love him. Maybe he will give you some romance then!
Post # 13
I sometimes wish my husband could verbally express his feelings better, or at least more often. He makes sweet gestures (buys me flowers, I get smothered in hugs and kisses everyday) so I can’t complain. And after a long day at work coming home to a spotless kitchen and a glass of wine waiting is just about the sexiest thing in the world, but maybe that isn’t everyone’s vision of romance. 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Circuspeanut, don’t be embarassed! I feel that way too, especially when I read some of the Bee’s fantastic hubbies-to-be’s sweet gestures (Like Miss Duckling’s FH bought her a cute little “home” sign and roses when they moved in….SO SWEET! And I was SO jealous!)…I totally wish FH was more romantic….He is definitely a manly man, played football in college, I’ve never seen him cry and he is very practical and un-emotional…I wish I could say the same things as most of these posters, that it’s ok bc he does this, this and this but I can’t bc, well, I really wish he was more sweet and romantic…Oh well, can’t have everything, I suppose…
Post # 15
Oh, I hear you – especially when you say that every Boyfriend or Best Friend before was more like you and it never worked until you tried something different.
My guy is so far from romantic. We get along, though, and truly care about each other. He shows that he cares by helping out around the house (yes, in manly ways like doing the yard and taking care of the cars) and taking time to eat dinner with me every night.
Post # 16
I agree with Melissabegins read the book “Five Love Languages”. It describes the 5 different styles of expressing love. Acts of service is one of them which seems is what your Fiance is. The book helps a couple identify her love language and his love language.This way the couple knows how the other person shows love and how they like to be loved. I bet if changed his oil, he would love it because he’s receiving love the same way he gives it.
Oh, I guess I should tell you all the love languages, huh.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gift giving
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
While I am sure we like all of these. One is your primary love language but you could have a secondary. Your love language means that is how you tend to show love and prefer to receive love. Just be aware of your FI’s love language, though. If you’re gift giving, and he’s acts of service. His “love tank” will only feel full when he receives acts of service. Anyway…I recommend the book to all couples getting married.