Post # 1
I need a safe place to vent, so I hope this is it.
I don’t want to be insensitive to the needs and dreams of parents, but it is hard for me that the wedding we’re planning is so far from what I might have dreamed of. Major things that I would change if it were planned in a vacuum: location, and number of guests.
The location has to be where it is because my fiance’s dad is sick and he can’t travel. That is totally understandable. But it is far away for me, my friends, and my family. Turns the whole thing into a destination wedding, sort of. It makes me sad that some of my closest friends can’t make it because it would cost them about $1000-1500 to attend, and I can’t afford to pay for them to be there so that’s not an option. Secondly, we have many guests coming because it is important to my fiance’s parents. We had already booked the venue before we knew that they wanted to invite these 15+ people. So it means no room for dancing (sad) and a bunch of people there that me and my fiancé do not know by name. It makes me nervous. Oh, we had planned the wedding to have 25 guests, and now it is up to 45. Feels huge to me, and doubles our budget. (We are paying for it all ourselves).
All of this is perfectly understandable from his parents’ perspective. I get where they’re coming from. It’s just hard for me that this wedding is not my dream wedding. I’m kind of looking forward to getting it over with. :/
It’s awkward because my future father in law uses his illness as a reason for things. Which makes sense… But it hurts me when he says things like, “well they have to be invited! And they’re not coming to see you get married, they’re coming to watch me die!” I can’t get that out of my head.
Anyways. I’m trying to focus on the positives.
I was wondering if anyone else is excited for their marriage but not their wedding? How do you deal with that?
Post # 2
mrsgarkenzie: I understand where your coming from….ours will be significantly bigger….but we are paying for it ourselves….every single penny is from our pockets….and what I have told BOTH sets of parents is this “we are paying for it…so if you want extra people you either need to help pay or understand that we can not afford the extra people.” usually that helps soothe things….15 people NEITHER Of you know to a very small intimate wedding is weird….why don’t you tell your FILs that you just want a small wedding with the agreed upon guests and that either they help pay for the wedding or they can throw on another date a small get together for the people they want as a like congrats party….but it is YOUR AND YOUR FIANCEs wedding not his parents….hopefully they understand…just make sure your fiancé is onboard with it….but seriously people usually stop demanding adds to the guest book, and additions when asked to open their pocket books….just saying…..it sounds bad to say it to people but it is the only way to not be a door mat….15 people at a 100person wedding maybe but for such a small wedding just overwhelming….im sorry your stressed, but if you and your FI sit down and level with is parents hopefully they will understand….
ok lets see if my second paragraph will show up again….
It is soo wrong for your FFIL to use that against you guys….but again you guys need to be a united front and tell him that is not appropriate…..nor is it a sentiment you want associated with the wedding…..your FI Needs to help you out here….
as far as the wedding we are going to end up with probably 130 people and I am freaking out…I DISPISE being in front of lots of people….and I turn beat red I fidget and stammer with my speech….my dream wedding before I met FI (and of course fell in LOVE with his aunts, uncles and cousins….from this massive, warm, loving family)….was 20 people (including us and a preacher) on a beach at sunset….very low key and simple….like sundress, khakis and a bbq simple….(perfection in my opinion)….but here I am I am not looking that forward to the actual wedding…just being my fiancés wife….finally….I just remind myself that I agreed to this….I am 99% sure I will have fun and the only parts that make me uncomfortable will be over in minutes and everyone says I will be soo focused on FI and the moment that I wont notice….but paying that much money does make it hard…but we are softies and the extra people are people WE want there because we love them….and figure after 7 years of waiting to see us get married what the heck….
but seriously hun good luck…and make sure you and your FI stay on the same page (that is the ONLY way my FI and I are not having a probably 300 person wedding if we invited everyone…..that and asking people to pony up money when they want extra guests…..but it makes it easier since we are unified they cant say of….your FI said its ok I just wanted to make sure xx is on the list….we both know where we are drawing lines)