(Closed) Anyone else feel friendless?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What about joining intermural activities or a faith-based organization (BSU, CSU, etc.)?  Maybe get a PT job?  Most colleges have interest-based groups.  When I was in college back in the dark ages there was even a pottery shop where students could go.  Also, look off campus…join a book club or volunteer organization.  There are lots of places you can make friends but you have to make an effort. 

Post # 4
Member
4897 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can relate completely. Social anxiety is a real issue for me. I have a hard time making and keeping new friends. Maybe try some cognitive behavioral therapy for it, if that’s the case. If not then I agree on trying some groups. 

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Luvdisc:  do you have Alpha Phi Omega at your school? It’s a coed fraternity built on public service. I joined when I was a freshman (your school sounds exactly like mine) because I wasn’t really into the superficial girls in my dorm. Everybody was super nice, the events weren’t built around drinking, etc. Also, do you have an equivalent to the Sierra Club there? It’s a group of folks who are focused on ecosystem sustainability and they do a bunch of cool stuff. Both of these groups had males and females of all ages. Both we’re very welcoming. I eventually transferred to another school and met all of my friends in theater (theater geek here, huzzah!), but the other two clubs were a great way to proactively get out there.

Post # 6
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I struggled at uni – I made a couple of friends in my halls of residence but then couldn’t do it during lectures so ended up knowing no one in my course. Meeting people is difficult, especially if you feel like you’ve “missed the boat”. See if you can find one group that is friendly enough and settle it ๐Ÿ™‚ For me it was joining the karate club (had never done anything like it before). Ten years later I’m still good friends with a couple of karate even though I don’t train any more.

Post # 7
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The only advice I can think to give you is to not judge your peers, and instead look for  their positive attributes.

I have a friend who likes to smoke pot.  I do not (personal choice).  If I based our friendship off that, I never would have gotten to know her clever sense of humor, or her passion for travel and nature.  We are friends because I find her to be facinating and I enjoy hearing her perspective.  She, in turn, never pressures me to smoke with her and merely enjoys my company.

I have another friend who pissed on a couch and lit it on fire.  I might roll my eyes at that, but otherwise he’s an extremely smart individual who can answer any question you have about how something technical might work.  In addition, he’s probably one of the most well-meaning and sweet people I’ve ever met.

You have to peel back the layers of your peers to see inside in order for them to see who you are.

Post # 8
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have hoooorrible social anxiety. I take most of my classes online or at the community college that has a setup with my university. Big groups and being around more than two other people for a long time reallyyyyy messes with me. I do get very lonely sometimes. I tried making friends at work but no matter how hard I tried the other girls didnt want to be friends I suppose. Anyway I’ve actually realizes even though I feel lonely I really don’t think I could handle the time with too many friends haha…

anyway feel free to message me if you’d like because we sound very similar. I messed up my GPa in the beginning because of my depression but I have been able to fix it.

Post # 10
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Luvdisc:  Oh and by ‘fraternity’, Alpha Chi Omega is not GREEK greek.  Like there is not a douch-ie rush period or anything. It’s the equivalent to a society for linguistics majors that happens to have a greek name, and looks great on your resume.  So don’t fret about it being a fraternity, it’s really not.  It’s just a bunch of people who clean up public areas, feed the hungry, and fundraise for battered women, and the like.  They do have socials to get to know one another, but I actually don’t remember there being alcohol involved, now that I think about it. Sincerely, it’s not a ‘fraternity’ fraternity. Check them out, you will be pleasantly surprised. 

Good luck sweets!  Your friends are out there, you just gotta do a little digging to find them.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, if you only share values with friends you’ll never make any because they’ll stay strangers. 

Talk to anyone you can. Honestly you never know who will be a friend and who won’t, but you’ll learn pretty quickly. 

A lot of the people I’m good friends with now I could not stand when I first met them. People grow on you so give them a chance. 

Post # 13
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m sorry you feel that way =( I am very worried about friendships once I graduate in May, and idk how I’ll make friends, but the only solace is moving in w/ my SO. That sounds a few years past where you are now, but it will get better. my sophomore year I spent ALL my time with SO, so I sorta alienated myself.

My one bit of advice for connecting with people is honestly try to find some nice people in the religious groups. Ironically, I have very little/undeveloped faith myself, but I have met some of the most honest, genuine, and caring girls in the intervarsity groups on my campus. They don’t mind that I don’t believe as much as they do, and I have no problems with their beliefs. We can just have fun watching movies/hanging out together.

Post # 14
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sigh, I feel you. I had a new best friend every year in grade school because people would “move on” to someone else the next year, and I became the outsider when they all had their “real” best friends. All of my “friends” from high school moved away after college, fell out of touch with me, but stayed in touch with each other. They all hang out and talk and are bffs now. It pisses me off, mostly because I put a lot of work into my friendships and then they just get thrown in the trash. I have a few close friends now, but we either live far apart or don’t have the time to hang out. I spend most of my time hanging out with FI’s friends.

As for college, I made a couple of friends, but only one close one (and that was because we have many shared interests, and we’re both older). I was about 4 years older than all of my classmates, so they wanted to go out and get wasted (I went to a big party school, too), and I wanted to go home and take a nap. I didn’t have the time or money (or desire) to join any sort of fraternity/sorority. I worked full time and had full time classes plus papers and projects (group projects were the worst because I could NEVER meet up with the group), and no one understood that. 

Post # 15
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel friendless sometimes too.

Most of the time, I just prefer to hang out with my sister and my parents (and my husband of course). Luckily, they are local. A lot of times, I find that other people are a lot of effort to deal with.

A couple of months ago, I lost a years long friendship because this person was taking advantage of me and I stood up for myself. Now that I’m not mad anymore, I’m sad about it, and it hurts to think about. So trying to create another friendship is kind of scary right now.

Post # 16
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

i am pretty friendless but that’s because i judge people way too quickly, and i don’t make any effort with the friends i do have.

it’s taken me a LONG time to realise these qualities within myself!

a big part of it is social anxiety (the whole ‘why would they want to be friends with me?’ which i suffered really badly with at university) and the fact that i was bullied whilst i was at uni, a horrible thing to happen at any time, but very much unexpected at 20 years old!

my best friend and MOH couldn’t be more different to me. i had a good upbringing, she had a shitty upbringing, i’ve got a good job and live in a beautiful place, she is a single mother of 2 children living off the state. if i met her now i would judge her straight off the bat and not want to be friends with her, but instead i met her 14 years ago and we grew to love each other. she can tell me to stop being a judgemental bitch and i can tell her to ‘grow the fuck up’. we work well because we’re honest with each other.

it’s the ‘friends’ that i’m not honest with – they’re the problems. we’re all so catty that almost everything that’s said is bitchy and mean. i have no idea why i’m friends with them, but thankfully now i live 300 miles away and don’t need to deal with them on a daily basis.

one thing i did do though, which is a sort of social taboo but really worked for me, was like a ‘friends’ dating website. i met a girl on there and we get on really well and go out for drinks and stuff. i try and make an effort with her because she’s really nice. it’s been 18 months though and we’re still not close, but hey – i try!

being an adult sucks.

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