Post # 1
Some days, I love wedding stuff, but some days I think about people suffering in the world and I start to feel guilty about spending so much time and energy on it. I’m trying to focus on the positive, non-materialistic parts of it (like people coming together and enjoying themselves), but it’s hard to ignore how massive this undertaking is when you consider all of our costs, plane tickets, hotels, gifts . . . I think about what that money could do for someone who really needed it, and I have trouble getting excited about flowers and cocktails and stuff.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Post # 3
It bothers me too sometimes. I love planning it, but then when the costs sink in I think about the other things we could have/should have done with the money, it’s like a huge rock in my stomach.
Post # 4
We got married a month and a half ago and sometimes I think about all the fun/good stuff we could have done with the money. But it was a special day, we didn’t go overboard and got to spend a wonderful weekend with our closest friends and family. In my mind, it was worth it and we will always have those great memories!
Post # 5
I have felt guilty about it; not so much about the less fortunate people in the world, but about how maybe we could spend this money on better things for us, like new cars (we both drive beaters) or a house, or even just to tuck away in savings. But when it comes down to it, I just remind myself, this is a one time deal, and it’s OK to be a little self indulgent. I’m not saying that ANYONE should go crazy and spend oodles of $ or anything, because we’re def being reasonable and spending within our means, but if your the type of people that we are, which it sounds like you are, you don’t normally go off spending every last dollar on every whim you might have. And so, for this one time, I think it’s justified.
That’s my .02 though.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
Yes! I have had several moral and philosophic debates with myself over whether or not this is the “right thing” to do with our money, time, and efforts. Sometimes it makes me really sad. I have gotten a lot of pressure from our parents (we’re both the oldest siblings) to have a wedding though and right now I’m trying to view it as a gift of joy that I can give to our families.
Post # 7
I’m just starting the planning process and I totally understand, I am in sticker shock big time. I had an embarassing moment when I was actually lost for words when speaking with a reception site yesterday “err..ah..wha…HOW much…uh..er..ah…wow…”
I think the tricky thing is how fast everything snowballs! You start with “Well, this is a special day, so of course we want to celebrate with the people we love.” Then comes “Well of course we have to feed them…well we want the food to be nice…well if we’re going to spend X amount we might as well spend the little extra for this great site…well at this point…”
Post # 8
It definitely feels ridiculous at times. I think however that by doing what can through my career and in my personal life to help others that it is okay for me to celebrate in the way that I am planning. Of course it is a very personal decision to have a wedding, and decide what type etc. A big wedding is not for everyone, and neither is a small one. I think that if it truly bothers you and keeps you from being able to enjoy it, you could consider ways to lessen the cost and make maybe a large donation to something. I do think like I said though that one can still help people and also have a wedding. 🙂
Post # 9
Think of it this way – every vendor you sign a contract with, every artist on Etsy you purchase something from and every major store you purchase something from is stimulating the economy and putting food on someone’s table. This is the year to actually feel OK about spending the money because our country needs it at this moment – not too mention this is also the year to not have to spend that much with wedding details, being that vendors ARE VERY INCLINE TO NEGOTIATING given the state of the economy and the fact that people arent spending as much. Although we have a 10K budget and somewhat staying in it (+2K more probably since guest list got up’d by fiancee) it’s money that is going beyond our wedding & people all over 🙂 Hope this helps!
Post # 10
I have definitely felt guilty about the amount of our wedding (even though it’s not too much) and it isn’t because of the less fortunate. It is because I think that we could have used the money for a down payment on a house which we both want desperately. We currently renting a house that is on the market and quite frankly, it sucks! I hate the showings and I hate the idea that the home isn’t ours.
But yes, I think quite a few of us go through this.
Post # 11
I was just being REALLY upset about this yesterday! We’re having a 200 person wedding and it’s on the smallest budget possible. I mean REALLY small. I’m doing a lot of hard work to make it pocket friendly and still look cute but it still bothers me how much we’re spending. On a party. We could use that money for a new roof or pay off our credit card debt. I just want to marry my fiance!
But I guess we are helping with the economy and it will be really nice to have all our friends and family around to help us celebrate. Lets just try and keep our heads up so we don’t spend the whole day feeling guilty and have no fun!
Post # 12
I feel guilty sometimes too. On both counts – the fact that other people could only be so lucky to have a wedding even on our small scale and also that we could use this money on other things we keep postponing until after the wedding like new cars or fixing up our house.
However, I just think of all the joy that day will bring and remind myself we deserve it. We’re not going overboard and I think our budget is still way under the national average for weddings. we just want a nice day with the ones we love and the people who are important to us.
Post # 13
@spwingal, I can relate to taking family members feelings into account when making a lot of the money decisions. The reason we decided to have a wedding with a lot of the usual elements (like getting a caterer) was that it might make people feel more comfortable as the two families meet each other.
Sometimes I just wish that there was another way to do it. Which is not to say that I don’t think I’ll enjoy some of the things we decided to spend money on, but my heart’s just not into it some of the time.
Post # 14
It bothers me, and my budget’s only $5K. =/
I’m definitely more excited about the non-monetary aspects as well (ceremony, etc.), but sometimes I still feel guilty. My parents are making it worse, because they (my dad) don’t like my informal picnic idea, and want to turn it into a full-blown sit-down dinner reception at a country club golf course, and…ugh. Not that that wouldn’t be a nice wedding, but the COST associated! Not to mention that that’s just not ME, and that’s not how I’ve been picturing my wedding. Sigh.
Post # 15
I feel that way – constantly.
Not that it’s a waste, but that as an adult, I could have bought something more sensible than these things.
It’s a constant battle, so I’m hoping that the day will seem worth it in the end.
At the same time, it’s all a part of keeping another industry going, some people rely on this as a living, so perhaps it really all is a circle in the end.
Post # 16
Yep, of course. I look at how much money we’re spending and think ‘wow, that could have gone to student loans or we could be saving it for a down payment on a house…’ but we know that it’s important to our families that we have a wedding, and deep down it’s important to us as well!