Post # 1
Recently I have been feeling guilty about the amount of money we are spending this year! We just purchased a (used) car for me since my old car had become unreliable. We are also planning to buy a home before the end of the year AND planning for a wedding next summer! Even though we are able to do this financially, I am completely OVERWHELMED.
For a little more info, FI received a great job offer this past Spring that required moving. I gladly supported him in taking this opportunity! However, it required me to quit my full-time job. In discussing this change, we decided that it would also be a good time for me to pursue my Masters degree. For several years I have wanted to further my education and I know that it will lead to a better-paying job in the future. I now am a full-time student and work as a graduate assistant on campus. While that pays most of my tuition and gives me a living stipend, I am not able to personally contribute to the house, car, or wedding. The downpayment for the house and car will come mostly from FI, and my parents are generously paying for most of the wedding. While I know that it is important for me to put all of my money towards tuition so that I don’t accumulate student loans, I feel guilty that I cannot contribute more towards these big purchases. Since college I have always held a full-time job and paid for ALL of my expenses. While I know I should think of it as “our” money, it is difficult since I have always been independent. My FI has been more generous than I could have EVER imagined and has been so encouraging through this whole process. Sometimes I wish that I would have looked for a full-time job and waited to start graduate school so that I could contribute more financially.
Sorry this is so long! I just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same way. I would like to get an additional part-time job so that I can contribute a little more, but I feel like it would be too much on top of my classes, my job, and wedding planning. I also want to get a gift to show my appreciation to my parents and my FI, but I feel like everything would pale in comparison to what they have given me. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
I can’t relate exactly to your situations, but I can understand your feelings. When my FI and I found out we were expecting, we moved in together & planned on spliting the bills with me covering things like groceries and other misc. items because I had the better paying job. Well 3 months in, I lost my job and found it difficult for anyone wanting to hire a pregnant women. My FI took over all the finacial responsibilites, in addition to purchasing us, well me, a new (used) suv, our wedding (with some assistance from my parents) and purchasing a new home (we close on the 22nd). Everyting has happened so fast & in a short period of time and I feel so very lucky and blessed, but gulity at the same time that both our partents and my FI have done so much for me. I want to be able to contribute and help ease any financial strain that may come, but my FI would rather me stay at home with our son. While I am so grateful for the oppertunity to be a stay at home mom I can’t help but feel a little guilty for not being able to help more.
You sound like you have an amazing family and FI and such a big heart. While I dont think I have any helpful suggestions or advice, I think sometimes a heartfelt letter letting them know how appreciative you are can go a long way. Congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming wedding! 🙂
Post # 4
I feel ya! I have been having guilt since before the ring went on my finger. FI and I moved in together last October. Him with money in the bank me with debt and 2 cats. One with a medical history that caused me to spend a small fortune a couple of years ago and he still gets sick every now and then. So…ring went on, plans started being made and next thing ya know we’re committed to a typical NY Wedding on a budget. So he’s been pretty much paying for everything while I try to get out of debt. I feel guilty every time he makes a payment or pays for anything. We recently booked a little trip that he paid for. I offered to get a second job which he said no way. I’m just so sick of feeling like I’m not contributing my part. It’s awful to feel this way. He keeps saying we’re a team now and once this is all done and behind us it won’t matter we’ll be married and our money will be together and the same so who cares but I feel like crap all the time over it. If I could go back and not have this wedding I would. Just elope and save the money. Next thing will be booking the honeymoon, I’m shaking because I know I won’t have any money to contribute so he’ll pay and again I’ll feel crappy. I offered to not do anything big but he insists it’s our honeymoon and we’re not skimping. I guess all I can offer as comfort is knowing if things were reversed and I could do this for him I would and I know you would do the same for your FI so remember that and try not to feel bad.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Yep. My FH got an extra job and is working lots of overtime so we have more money for our wedding budget and honeymoon. I am being more stingey with our budget so we can save more from that end as well.
Post # 6
Yes, I feel guilty spending money. Maybe it’s more like buyers remorse than guilt?
I like to see a nice cushion of money sitting in my account and it makes me sad to see it go down every month!
Just this year we paid for a new deck, paid off the rest of my student loans, paid for braces for both of us (up front to get the 10% discount), will be paying for a $5k weddingmoon trip this month. And we want a laptop (we both use our work computers but they have to go back) and FI wants a gas grill. I just tell myself we won’t be burning through money like this every year of our marriage – I HOPE!
Post # 7
Thanks! I was just really needing to vent more than anything. I keep telling myself that if we get through these 2 years that we will be so much better financially. Any other gift ideas for my parents or FI? I definitely want to write them both a heartfelt card or letter.
Post # 8
I totally understand. I just finished graduate school last year and haven’t been able to find full-time work (just lots of contract work) so I am going back to school for a compressed nursing program in the fall. My contract just ended last month, so I am unemployed for july/august before going back. I do have a part-time job lined up for the school year, but its not a lot of money. We’ve (aka my fiancee) bought a house, are planning for a wedding next spring, recently bought a second (used) vehicle so I could use his old one. He recently took a new job that is much better paying, but comes with longer hours. I usually feel guilty hanging around during the day, spending his money (i.e. buying groceries, ect), while he works hard to provide.
I hope that some day, I’ll make enough to support him if he wants to go back to school, do a career change, ect. 🙂
Post # 9
@gingerspice: I think it’s good that you’re not taking your FI for granted, but as you say, if you took on another job your school would suffer.. IMO not worth it.
I don’t see anything wrong w. what you’re doing. You’re working hard to better yourself for future returns. Keep in mind that you don’t know what the future holds – you might be supporting your FI at some point in the future, you never know. As long as you’re both on the same page, I see nothing wrong w. what you are doing. You can’t look at it as mooching or anything because it’s not.
I’m not saying that you’re doing this, but just a piece of advice – don’t start spending assuming your future income will be bigger just because you have a master’s. You cannot predict the future. My sister has a master’s and is currently unemployed… nothing in sight. Luckily I am able to earn good money w. my bachelor’s. You just never know. But it sounds like you’re handling things very well, lots of people would envy your situation I think. Your fiance sounds like a great guy who knows the meaning of partnership.