Anyone else feel guilty about the cost for the bridal party?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m paying for my bridal party’s dresses and FI is paying for his groomsmen’s tux rentals. For his side especially everyone is travelling internationally and we just couldn’t ask them to pay more. We just folded that madness into the budget. 

I never mind paying for a bridesmaids dress if I’m a bridesmaid, but I felt like if we could, we should. 

Post # 4
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MrsFarm0619:  I totally do! I’ve been doing a lot of dress browsing in the past week, and I feel so guilty when I look at the prices! But then I showed one of my friends (who doesn’t have a ton of money) some of the dresses I liked, and she was like “dude I’d pay $160 for that dress! It’s super awesome and I’ll wear it again!” Soo maybe they expect it/don’t mind? I just feel bad because the idea of spending more than $50 on a dress seems crazy to me. (I’m very frugal)

Post # 5
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsFarm0619:  FI feels guilty about making his guys buy a suit. It’s not even that expensive but he just feels bad. Considering all my girls have to travel – some more than others, have thrown me a shower, paid for their dress and shoes (and some are choosing to have their hair done as well), my girls definitely come out paying more than the guys do. Call me harsh, but I don’t feel bad. They all knew the cost going in and definitely could have said no if they didn’t feel they could afford it.

I think he also feels that way because he’s never stood up in a wedding whereas I have. He’s the first of his friends to get married.

Post # 6
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yes, I do. I plan to keep the dresses at a reasonable price point and just ask for a certian color/metal tone for shoes and jewelry, but, having been in a wedding, I know costs can be high.

Post # 7
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We are paying for the bridesmaid dresses and the groomsmen’s tux rental.  I was recently in a wedding and spent around $1500 to be in it, and I didn’t want that burden on my wedding party.  I don’t understand why it’s not more common to pay for the party members’ attire at least.  

Post # 8
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I do, and as a result am paying for everything for the bridal party (dress, jewelry, hair, makeup, nails, hotel rooms, everything!).  They’re all from out of town anyway and FI and I are in a position to pay for everything without much issue while they are struggling (I just graduated undergrad this past spring, FI graduated in 2011 and is working on his PhD) and most of our friends are still “getting started” so it made the most sense :-)!  I didn’t want to have anyone not go simply because they couldn’t afford it.   

Post # 9
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

No I didn’t feel  guilty.   I’ve spent that much easily on my BMs/FGs/MOH.  The GM’s all wore dark suits they already had, and we got them ties to match our colors.  All of the gifts that we got for them were pretty costly, which is fine, I just think it all comes out in the wash.  These weren’t people we just met, we’ve been around these people for years

Post # 10
613 posts
Busy bee

@MrsFarm0619:  It is always on my mind!! Im telling my girls to buy a navy dress that makes then feel beautiful. I know the whole “mismatch” bridemades are a big trend right now but Ive always said I would be letting the girls pick what they want. I wish I could buy there dresses but I am going to give each girl $100 torward there attire. If they say under they stay under if not thats there choice. My FI might be doing the same for his guys. but most of them already own a suit so they can wear theres if they choose. but to keep with the mismatch we are going to buy each guy a new navy ties and each one will be different.

Post # 11
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I feel a little guilty, but I’ve shelled out the money for other weddings I’ve been in so in the end it all ends up pretty even. I do have one bridesmaid (a cousin) who could not afford her dress so my parents and I chipped in to buy it for her. We didn’t make this publiclly known to everyone either it was just between us. I have two other cousins in the wedding (sisters) and I know their Mom paid for their dresses. Then my two friends in the wedding paid for theirs on their own, but I was in their weddings and paid for dresses etc…and I know they can afford it  so it’s not really weighing on me.

FI feels bad asking anyone to do anything for him. So not much getting around that, but he’s been okay with the costs so far since we really aren’t doing anything too horribly expensive.

Post # 12
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i paid for my BM dresses, their hair, and makeup.

the girls paid for their own alterations, and i told them they could wear shoes and jewelry they already had. it was their choice if they wanted something new.

i wasn’t expecting wedding gifts, but each girl got me a shower gift and wedding gifts in addition to paying for the shower.



Post # 13
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsFarm0619:  yes I feel like I can’t find anything reasonable .. It doesn’t help that my FI sister is getting married exactly 1 month after my FI and I not to mention her wedding is a destination wedding. Like for real? My FI has 4 sisters (all of which are in my party) and the sister that is getting married the month after has all of her sisters plus me in the wedding .. So I have to worry about my wedding, paying for flights/travel expenses for the destination wedding, my FI and I are not planning a honeymoon, we want to purchase a house and it wouldn’t be possible to go on a honeymoon and take all the time off for her wedding. I have two sisters who are already married and I paid $160-$200 for their dresses which was not a big deal but I was in a different living situation at the time with my FI so it was easy for us. My 2 sisters, and 3 other BM’s keep telling me whatever I pick they will pay, they don’t care but I have 4 other people who have to dish out all this money for my weddnig plus my FSILs wedding .. uhhhh Cry

Post # 14
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We all do it for each other so I didnt feel guilty. I did not ask my girls to spend anything other than what I would feel comfortable spending. $150 ish for a dress + shoes, etc is pretty average I think.

Post # 15
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsFarm0619:  I’m going through the same thing! All my friends and I are all pretty poor. One bridesmaid has a 2 year old, another just found out she’s pregnant, and another just got married and is still in school! I’m trying to make things cheap as possible while still having my vision! 

Post # 16
122 posts
Blushing bee

I feel awful about the costs to the bridal party especially groomsmen. Typically women can rationalize and justify a one time dress purchase for under $120. That is why for the groom’s men we decided to keep it simple with black slacks, vests and a white dress shirt. The ties would be part of our gifts to the BP.

 Now my darling FI on the other hand has insisted (more like demanded) a designer midnight blue tuxedo with a shawl lapel…and i thought i was the diva…

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