Post # 1
So like most newlyweds, FI and I could certainly use some extra cash, but this far most of the gifts we’ve received have been from the registries (totally grateful for those!). Today I got a cheque in the mail…the first…from my great uncle for $20. I am so surprised by this as he cant make the wedding but I feel so weird cashing it! FI said we have to, to not mess up his accounting and checkbook balancing but I feel guilty doing so. I didn’t do anything to earn this cash other than marrying the love of my life and it feels wrong to take money from an older person who might need it. I started thinking more about it and realized I’d feel similarly if other guests gave me cash instead of a physical gift. Why the distinction, I’m not sure, but it’s quite the opposite of all the bees on here who want cash and cash only. Anyone else?
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
I did feel a little guilty when we got money at the engagement party.
But that’s whats great about gifts. You don;t have to earn them to get them.
Post # 4
I would feel guilty if I spent it on just every day things, but if I spend it on something wedding related and/or a gift for our future then it lessens the guilty feeling.
So, paying a bill – not ok
paying for a nice meal on our honeymoon – totally fine
Post # 5
I didn’t feel guilty receiving the monetary gifts because it’s pretty standard in our culture to gift money. HOWEVER, I felt awkward about depositing the checks after the wedding. I felt like if I deposited it right after the wedding, people would think I was money hungry. I actually delayed depositing the checks until about 1.5-2 weeks after the wedding but I guess that’s bad too. Apparently, you shouldn’t delay it that long because (as your FI mentioned) it messes with the giftgiver’s checking balance and sometimes makes them wonder if their card/gift got misplaced.
Just make sure you write your great uncle a thoughtful thank you card!
Post # 6
I definitely did! Especially since we only got one check (the rest was all cash and actual gifts) and it was from people who gave me $10000 for school last year… right after retiring.
Post # 7
I know what you mean, I feel guilty, too. But, he sent you a gift to show you how happy he is for you and to be a part of your wedding day even though he can’t make it. He wants you to have it and not cashing it would be insulting, trust me! If I gave someone a gift and they gave it back to me bc they felt bad, I would feel insulted. The thing about gifts, especially wedding gifts, is that most of the time what goes around comes around – at some point, your uncle, if he had a wedding, also got gifts, or maybe he got gifts for no good reason at some point in his life, just because. Same for you, one day you will turn around and give someone a wedding gift, too, even if you’re not attending or whatever. It all comes back full circle.
Post # 8
We didn’t feel guilty at all. We needed that money badly! It wasn’t to spend on crap, though. Every single penny went directly into paying rent.
Post # 9
@classyashley: I don’t really feel guilty, as it’s customary here to get cash/checks. However, my fiance feels guilty when my grandparents give us stuff. I don’t think he’s used to that, so it’s a bit weird for him. It’s normal for me though, lol, so I just accept it because it’s what they have always done. He comes from a larger extended family, so his grandparents (who are now deceased) never bought them expensive things. So when my grandparents gave us $1000 for our engagement he didn’t want to accept it! Which really would have offended them. I mean, they wanted to give us the money, it would have been really rude to not accept it. So, obviously, we accepted the money, but he still feels funny. Hopefully he gets over that, because they want to buy us our bedroom set when we eventually buy our house, and I am definitely going to accept that gift.
Post # 10
@classyashley: He sent you the cheque because he wanted to and I am sure he can afford what he chose to give. I am always careful to give what I can afford to and I am sure he is the same way. Don’t worry! He wants to celebrate with you and this gift is his way of doing so 🙂
Post # 11
what’s the difference in getting a gift of money for your birthday? you didn’t “earn” that either. you are just another year older.
your uncle sent you what he could afford and you should sent him a thank you note that your are appreciative and will miss him at your celebration.