Post # 1
So, I’m 5’7″ and 150 pounds, and I feel just so very unattractive. I know I’m not ‘fat’, or overweight, but I’m definitely not thin, and I feel really bad about my body. It’s been really hard for me for a very long time. I’ve convinced myself people only find me attractive because I’m good at doing my makeup and choosing flattering clothes. My fiance says I’m beautiful, but I don’t really believe him.
Today he came over unexpectedly to bring me flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s day, which isn’t something he normally does, so I know he put a lot of thought into it. I also knew he knew I was/am home sick. So I not only had no makeup/was wearing extremely unattractive clothes, but I look at lot worse than usual. I spent the entire time he was over trying not to let him see me and apologizing for how I looked.
I genuinely did look terrible, so although he told me I looked fine, I knew I didn’t. I knew I wasn’t attractive right then. And it just made me afraid that he’d see what I see in the mirror every morning, and figure out that I’m not beautiful, and not want to marry me anymore.
This causes issues in our relationship, but I don’t know what to do, because I genuinely believe these things about myself and am convinced I just have him tricked.
Does this happen to you? How do you deal with it?
Post # 3
I often feel this way. I really don’t know what advice offer you, because I struggle with this myself. I can only tell you that I’m sending you hugs and good thoughs.
Post # 4
I could have written this post. I’ve struggled with body (and face image) issues ever since I learned what “pretty,” meant. So, for about 26 years or so. First- stop apologizing to your Fiance and to anyone else for how you look. He loves you, and he’s marrying you. End of story.
I just wrote a couple long posts here about what yoga has done for my body/face image issues. I strongly suggest giving it a try. Once you start to appreciate your body for what it DOES for you rather than how it looks, your whole perspective can change. I still have big, fat, ugly days though. I’m 5’5″ 140- we probably have the exact same proportions.
Post # 5
Also- I just looked at your engagement pics- you’re gorgeous! Your hair is so pretty and long, and you have porcelain skin. And look at the way he’s smiling at you!!
Tell the ugly bug on your shoulder to shut the hell up. 🙂
Post # 6
@greenviolets: Sometimes it’s just good not to feel alone. Love coming your way too.
@bells219: I’ll definitely look into that. It’s hard for me to get into sports of any kind at all, though, because I get hung up on how bad I look. My gym has a ‘cardio cinema’ and I only ever run on the treadmills in there because it’s dark and nobody can see me (and they’re just watching the movie anyways). I have serious issues. But yoga might be a good place to start.
Post # 7
I sometimes feel self conscious about myself. If I am not wearing makeup I won’t go outside. I feel the same about my weight, I try to eat better and exercise but my weight stays about the same.
It used to cause a strain in our relationship until I realized that he is with me for a reason and that he too has his insecurities but for me he is perfect and I love him the way it is.
You have to stop putting yourself down and start thinking about all the good things about yourself. We can be our worst critics. But you have to love yourself and accept yourself. He loves you for who you are.
Post # 8
Pay attention to the parts where I talked about how everybody’s too busy trying to stay upright to care what you look like. For serious. Try it once, and tell me you’re not more focused on yourself than on everybody else.
Post # 9
I have always had a horribly body image since grade school. I was made fun of for being fat AND gay. Not something you quickly get over. In my relationship with my FW (17 DAYS), I always had a hard time taking off my clothes, believing her when she said I was sexy, and even having sex, the lights always have to be off and I always wore a shirt.
I was given some awesome advice by friend. She told me not to get in my head about it. FW asked you to marry her looking like you do which means she finds you beautiful. You have to get out of your head and just go with it. Don’t think. Just do it.
I did not have a reponse. I always have a response about how I look like this and feel like this and so on. But I REALLY thought about what she said and I took it to heart. I am not completely over my body issues, but I do feel better about myself. And I say thank you to people when they compliment me (and I try to not say bad things in my head about it)
I say stop saying things in your head. Either say them out loud or change your mind set. I understand the body issues and you will never be fully over them, but your brain can always change!
I think you are beauitiful
Post # 10
I feel ugly every single day.. and pictures literally incuce vomit inducing periods of my life. I hate taking my clothes off and being naked, and it’s gotten to the point where he agrees (jokingly) that I’m fat, because I just say those words so much.
I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don’t, many good thoughts coming your way!
Post # 11
@misabell: Have you ever thought about talking to someone about your body image issues? There are definitely things about myself that I don’t love, and sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, “What in the world does he see in me,” but we all have those moments. Hiding from him when you’re sick isn’t going to work when you’re married and live together.
Post # 12
I’ve been there too. You just have to remember that your fiancé likes you for more than just your looks. There will always be someone prettier and in better shape than you, so stop defining yourself in those parameters! Your fiancé loves you for your personality and everything else that makes you you!
I started hot yoga too. The studio by me is awesome and had people of all ages and shapes. It’s hot and sweaty and no one has makeup on and no one cares. Good luck!
Post # 13
@2PeasinaPod: Yeah, he makes that point a lot. I actually had anorexia nervosa in the pass, which became EDNOS (eating disorder–not otherwise specified, which is the dumbest diagnosis) and technically I still have EDNOS. I’ve been through individual therapy a few years back, and I did a group therapy (12-week program) twice. It’s frustrating because I don’t know what else to do at this point.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
My first thought was “yoga,” which I see two other bees also thought of. It helps you feel strong and good about your body, about what you’re capable of. Plus it’s a big de-stresser!
Post # 15
@misabell: It may not hurt to try individual therapy again. I know you said you didn’t have great luck with it before but if your EDNOS or anorexia symptoms are still there and are inhibiting you in your everyday life then I would suggest seeking some sort of help again. I am probably biased because I am a mental health counselor but I have seen so many girls suffering from eating disorders that have benefited from continuous counseling. Unfortunately many times those body image issues will stick with you for a long time but there are ways to keep those thoughts under control and to help you learn to love your body.
Post # 16
I have legit come home and cried because I feel so ugly compared to other girls. Usually he tells me he doesnt want to hear it and that he feels like I am pretty, but sometimes he lets me lay on him and cry. I’m 25 years old and I feel stupid that I feel this way, but it has caused many a fight. There have been times when we havent gone out to dinner, etc. because I’ve changed my clothes so many times but I still feel ugly….and then I start crying, etc. Noone wants to hear it because I am skinny and apparently have ‘nothing to feel ugly about’…but I’ve always hated certain parts of my body and my face. I look at other girls my age and they are so beautiful, and I’m just “okay” “average” “cute”. It really gets to me and yes, it does cause issues, especially since he is really good looking and gets hit on all the time. I once said he only wants to be with me because I’m ugly enough that he doesnt have to worry about me cheating. He told me I was being ridiculous! Honestly, I wasn’t pretty as a pre-teen and teen and boys told me in school all the time that I was ugly and it never really left me that I was told this all the time. Sometimes other people can be very damaging.
OMG. I sound crazy…I dont have any advice for you, OP, but I know where you are coming from. Sometimes it feels like so much pressure to be pretty, when you think of the world and the definition of beauty.