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I invited a lot of random relatives I hardly knew, most of which didn't come (they live abroad). I guess it didn't bother me because my parents knew them and I had at least heard their names my whole life, even if I hadn't met them. I guess if it was someone I didn't even know existed, it would have been weird.
I think that because you're inviting the rest of her family, it would be rude to not invite her. If she decides not to come b/c she doesn't know you that well, then that's up to her, but you at least did your part in trying to include her. I had a few family members invited to my wedding that I definitely hadn't seen in years, but it was important to my mom that we invite them.
I don't think it's rude to invite her...it's mainly to keep the peace and make sure she feels included since the rest of her family was.
I felt the same way, but not anymore. We moved around a lot when I was little and I've never spent much time with extended family. The first time I got married, I invited everyone in the family and the only cousins that showed up had their kids in tow (when they weren't invited). I never received even a card from any of the others on my Mom's side. I am now closer to two cousins on my Dad's side and I am inviting them. We are having a small wedding (55 invited but only expecting about 35) and I realized that I have never been invited to any of my cousins' (on my Mom's side) weddings, graduations, birthday parties, etc. Why should I feel guilty about not inviting them to my very intimate wedding?
It's definitely not rude to invite her, but I can see why you have some hesitation. If you're not running into major guest-list related budget issues, though, I think I would just invite her and put it out of your mind.
I'd say invite her. You might be surprised. I had the same situation and while most of them couldn't make it one of my dad's cousins came all the way from Texas! Turns out she had just decided she wanted to become closer with the family and make more effort. My family was thrilled she came and everyone had a great time. As an added bonus, she gave us a very generous gift. I know it feels really weird, but I'd say go ahead and invite her.
My FI is going through this. He has family right in town that he never sees and kind of hopes won't even show up but his mom wants to invite them so we will. Check with you parents and see what they think.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. We're inviting an aunt and an uncle (and their grown children) that live in another state that I never see or talk to because if we don't, Grandma will get an earful. Hopefully they won't show. I agree with the above poster; run it by your parents and see what they say.
I'm not inviting family members I barely know...heck, I'm not even planning on inviting certain family members I DO know! Said individuals are in contact with some really toxic relatives of my dad's who we haven't spoken to in years, so they'll get an announcement after the fact...we really don't want to take the risk of having trashy second cousin "Prunella" show up uninvited, having her stepson's unruly kids screaming, etc.
My parents back me up on it, 100 percent.
I'm inviting a ton of people like this. Not only have I never seen them more than once or twice, but I don't even know their last names! lol This is because of my mom though. We can't offend anyone. I go along with it because if I would offend someone, I would never hear the end of it, and I know they won't show up anyways. I say invite her...but that's just my opinion. It's your day, so you can invite/not invite anyone you want. Best of Luck.
I'm really against having family members there I don't know. There are only 2 people I barely know who are coming - and that's because my grandparents need someone to drive them to the OOT venue so we're inviting my some cousins I've met about 2x. I wouldn't want to invite a huge group of people I don't know...but in your circumstances, it's probably easier to send that one invite and avoid the family drama. If her parents and brother are coming, she probably won't feel as awkward because there will be other people she knows.
i feel exactly the same way. i know my relatives but we haven't spoken in YEARS!! i have decided to invite everyone but not do a save the date or anything like that and send the invites out 10 weeks before the wedding and if they can come, awesome! if not, I'm sorry, but hey I invited them.
for my family, weddings and bar mitzvahs are the time when you get to know and meet your family. we're having a small wedding so we don't have this issue, but if we were having a bigger wedding, i know my guest list would be huge because my mom would include every single family member and friend that ever existed. and i'd be fine with it (if i was fine with a big wedding). i like meeting our family, and we have one of those families who's willing to travel anywhere at any time for weddings. i think that's nice.
I definitely have this problem. All my extended family members are old, too - like my mom's cousins and all of this nonsense yet for some reason we HAVE to invite them. We invited a bunch of these type people to the engagement party and I swear all night I knew nobody's name and couldn't introduce my fiance to them. Terrible. I hadn't seen most of them since I was very young so whatever - not my fault. I told my mom that would happen and so it did. At the wedding I'm not even going to bother.
I'm inviting my great aunts and uncles on my dad's side--I know their names, but I certainly can't match the names to the faces! I'm not really worried because I'm not expecting any of them to come. None of them have gone to any of my other cousins' weddings, even the one right in the same city where they live. But if they do, I'll certainly need to be doing some research and asking for pictures so I can correctly identify them at the wedding!
Yes I would feel weird inviting people I didn't know or barely knew. Which is why we aren't doing so. The fact that they're family is irrelevant. If both parties wanted a better relationship (and basically knowing each other better), then they would put forth the effort before the wedding rolls around. A wedding invite is supposed to be extended to your nearest and dearest, not people whom you don't know or don't speak to, especially considering how expensive weddings are to begin with. No one should be forced to invite anyone they don't want in attendance. If the parents insist, then the parents should pay for those folks. If anything, those relatives and such who are considered "strangers" would likely rather be somewhere else than attending a wedding of someone they barely know either.
OMG, I just want to hug all you bees!! I was starting to feel like a horrible person for not wanting to invite family members that I don't know. I feel like the people invited to a wedding should be there to support the bride and groom; when they don't know us or make any attempt at any other time to get to know us, I feel like they are just there for the meal and the spectacle, and that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
i SO feel you. i have a HUGE family - and i am only close with a handful of them (out of 18 aunts and uncles plus their spouses and about 5 kids each - do the math). not to mention i wanted a SMALL wedding - one to keep down costs and two because im not comfortable being the center of attention for that long of a time.
my problem was that i was completely ok only inviting people i talk to on a regular basis - not just because they are blood relatives. but my mom while saying "its your day" had that "LOOK" that OMG i cant believe my daughter is such a horrid person. so i ended up making a rule - it is an adult only reception (21 and up only) and other than my immediate family - grandparents, aunts and uncles and their spouses, no one gets an invite just because they are related. they MUST have talked to me in the past year, AND it helps if they even knew i was dating my FH (i had one person congratulate me on my engagement to my EX boyfriend from 5 years ago... um yeah so not getting an invite if you dont even know who im dating and its been 4 years!!!)
so make a cut off, stick to it, and quite frankly who cares if they get mad? you dont like them anyway - so why do something to make them happy when honestly you dont really give a flying fudge what they think? :)
i am only sending save the dates to people i DEFINEATELY want there.
Yes I know exactly how you feel. Although all my relatives live in California where I live except for one aunt. I think the weird part about it is that you feel so obligated to invite your extended and distant family members. Like one of my first cousins, I only heard that she got married after wards by my sister and now I feel obligated to invite her to my wedding. Not to mention all of my parents cousins and their children. How can anybody be excited about going to your wedding if they barely even know you? If I were invited to a wedding of a relative who I barely knew I would feel honored but I would feel really awkward and weird.
Oh, obligations, obligations........
Hmmm I already sent my Save the dates............ I'm second guessing myself on the guests who I invited.
My mother's aunts 2 children and their spouses, because my mom told them I was getting married when they went to go visit them like 4 hours away. I mean I never ever met these people!
My father's aunt and uncle and their son I only see them once a year. Awkward
So 3 of my Save the dates I regret in total. Now I HAVE to send an invitation because it says, "formal invitation to follow" maybe I could say it got lost in the mail???????????????????????????????????????????????????
grr
I have the same predictament...what did you end up doing? I already sent out all the save the dates, but I'm thinking about uninviting them...
My dream venue only seats 75 and we made a list of just closest friends and direct family, and were at about 90. Ugh.
Thankfully, my cousin decided to have a wedding on a boat a few years ago, and set precedence to not have to invite the whole family. She only invited about 1/4th of our cousins, and no one threw a fit.
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I'm not that close with a lot of extended family members because I grew up in a different state than them. I'm feeling awkward about inviting a particular cousin who I have hardly ever really spoken to and have probably only seen two or three times. She is married and I was not invited to her wedding (although I was under 18 at the time, so maybe that's why...who knows). The problem is that I'm inviting her parents and her brother (my other cousin who I at least have had SOME contact with).
We are in the process of sending out Save the Dates, and I just feel so awkward sending her one. It's kind of like "Hey, you barely know me...we never communicate. I didn't even know until later that you recently had a son...but hey please save the date for my wedding!"
It's weird because I feel like it would be rude NOT to invite her but that it's almost rude TO invite her...like I'm assuming that she should somehow take interest in my life even though we have never really communicated.
Any thoughts?