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Sorry to hear you're feeling down about this. It sounds like you need to make it a point to get in some date time! I can relate. Ever since I started a new job at 14 weeks, I never see DH. We are like ships in the night. He still leaves early for work, but now I get home late (10pm) so I see him literally for about an hour at night when we're both exhausted. Weekends have been incredibly hectic preparing for the baby or doing various activities. When the activities are individual, it feels like I haven't seen him for weeks. I hate it, but I know he does too, and I feel badly because it's mostly my job doing this to us. Sounds like for you it's a similar thing, with his new job, and also all the time he has spent on the baby room. (Which is great, by the way!). This is what we are doing: I took the initiative and said we need to actually follow through on our talk of going away for a weekend. He's not a huge planner so if it were up to him, it wouldn't happen, but I know we need some "us" time. So we are going to spend a day/night on the Cape in 2 weeks. Can you plan a trip like that, even if it's a day trip?
I think there is a difference between feeling physically distant, and emotionally distant. If you're feeling emotionally distant, I'd definitely talk to him, because yes, that can get worse after baby comes I imagine. But if it's about physical distance, maybe try my suggestion and hopefully that helps. Good luck!
I do not things will be like this when the baby comes! The baby will change a lot, both in yourselves individually and your relationship together.
As the PP said, you guys should really make a conscious effort to have some date time, or even PLAN to spend 20 minutes on the couch, catching up about your day. I know that you probably don't feel sexy, but do you think your DH sees you the same way? I think we don't give enough credit to men--he probably finds you BEAUTIFUL knowing you are carrying his child. It doesn't hurt to talk to him about it--communication is key!
I agree with @AvantLaLettre: dedicating time to just do something fun for the two of you thats not baby related can help a lot.
@ams12: regarding the upstairs, is your bedroom finished? If it makes you feel better the baby should sleep in your room for the first few months in a bassinet or something like that. DD didn't start sleeping in her own room until 4 months old.
As for feeling disconnected from your husband, I felt disconnected from EVERYONE during those last few months of pregnancy. It is all consuming, mind and body and I found that part to be so shocking. I hated going out, I felt like no one could relate to me, I was so uncomfortable. I remember when i was 8 months DH took me to my favorite restaurant one Friday night, and it took everything in my power not to cry because I felt so fat and ugly and gross compared to everyone else. And I thought they were all stupid because they had no responsibilities and I was carrying a baby. Umm...How the F did I know what responsibilities they had? Why was I comparing my life to the life of a stranger? I don't know why I put that mental pressure on myself, but I wish I didn't.
DH and I totally reconnected once DD got here and it added a new dimension to our relationship. I know everyone is different, but I just wanted to let you know I know where you are and it will get better once your baby is here! There will be so much love floating around you won't even know what to do with it!
Thanks all for the encourgement and kind words, Makes me feel better!
Everyone is right, we really need to take some time and do a date night and focus on us a little more. We don't really have the time right now to plan a little getaway , we actually planned on for about 3 months after the baby comes, just a weekend away.
Our bedroom is done and the baby will be in there for the first 2 months, but my DH really doesn't want to be focused on that while the baby is here. He wants to be able to be able to help me out as much as he can and if he was working on the upstairs that would take a lot of his time away from the baby. AND it's a total dust mess so we want it all cleaned up before the baby comes, and we have all the baby stuff just sitting and taking up our entire living room waiting to go into the baby rooms and upstairs.
Flamingred- I do think I feel a lot like you did, a lot of it is my body image and the way I feel about myself and how I thikn I look. My DH and I talk about it often and he is always telling me how great I look and that I can't be so hard on myself, but nothing he says or anyone says helps change my mind about how I feel about myself and the way I look. I avoid the mirros and dread when I have to go out of the house.
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I have bee down the last few days, I think mainly because I just feel so large and uncomfortable and not so great about my body now. I just hit my 30th week and want the next 10 to fly. With that my DH has started a new job, he is up and out before I get up and has been getting home really late, and we have not spoken at all durning the day since he is in training. I am totally fine with that and understand, but it's hard because we used to talk a few times a day, and I am used to him getting home earlier and we would eat dinner together and catch up. Now the last week I have eaten alone and not even really talked to him.
He has a camping trip planned for this weekend so he is leaving tonight and will be in a location where there is no cell service, so more days of not talking. I know he feels bad and wants to not go because he feels bad but I want him to go and I won't let him back out.
With that the main part is that since we found out we were expecting, we have had to totally renovate our upstairs for the baby. Something we were planning on starting to do BEFORE we tried to have a baby, but oops baby came first. It has put a lot of stress on us, money is tight and DH is doing ALL the work himself. The last 7 months he comes home from work, we eat dinner, spend about 30 mins together and then he goes and works a little on the upstairs. All of our weekends he has been working on it, which makes us not be able to do anything and spend time with each other. Which is super hard since prior to expecting and all the reno work DH loved our weekends together and always did things, whether it was a drive through the country, wine tasting, taking weekend trips. We haven't done ANYTHINBG like that in 7 months. Now we are down to the grind, the upstairs still is a long ways away from being done. My due date is for Dec, but they are thinking I am going to go in Nov which really puts the crunch on us.
I just worry that things are a bit distant now that I fear what it will be like when the baby comes. We have hardly been having sex, mainly because I am really uncomfortable and frankly I don't feel sexy at all. Is anyone else experiencing this with their DH? Any advise suggestions?? Ah I had feeling so down during such an exciting time