Post # 1
Do any other brides feel guilty about all the attention, gifts, parties, etc. you’re receiving? I just keep thinking I DON’T DESERVE ALL THIS!
My friends are having some intra-group drama right now. They keep reassuring me “We’ll all be civil for your shower/wedding!” “Nothing is more important than how you feel on your day! Don’t worry!” And while I appreciate that a lot, I also feel badly that they’re thinking of me when THEY’RE the ones having problems (petty or not).
I also feel incredibly guilty every time my mom tells me about some new thing she bought for decorations or favors. Tonight she asked me what kind of desserts I wanted for the shower. I said “Friend A is in charge of cupcakes, right? So maybe get a box of cookies and leave it at that.” She told me that was UNACCEPTABLE and insisted on some assortment of miniature italian pastries I’ve never heard of. And I’m just like… STOP SPENDING MONEY ON ME! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME AND ENERGY ON A PARTY IN MY HONOR! I’ve told her how much I appreciate it, but that I think she’s overdoing and I feel guilty… she just brushes me off, though.
My beautiful man says to shut up and enjoy it lol. I’ve voiced my opinion that my friends & family are doing soo much for me, but he thinks maybe this is “thier happiness,” and I should callate la boca, smile, and have a good time. I guess he’s got a point, but still. I especially feel that, since this will be our second wedding (we had a spiritual ceremony in his country back in January), I really don’t deserve all this fuss.
Does anyone else feel guilty about all the attention/energy/money/etc. being used up on them/the wedding? Surely someone else is feeling a little receiver’s guilt? :-X
Post # 3
I have similar feelings. My parents are spending much more on my wedding than either of my sisters’ (I’m not the favorite or anything. Both of my sisters married within our faith in a religious ceremony and building that are free. My fiance is non religious, so we’re having a secular ceremony and venue. Very much not free. I’m also older than my sisters were, my parents are now empty-nesters, so they have more disposable income. But I do feel guilty anyway.)
I also feel generally embarrassed by the whole thing. I never was any good at being the center of attention. I have to remind myself to loosen up and have a good time 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@lanalnoco: I don’t feel guilty per se (knowing how I love to lavish attention & some resources on other people for their weddings), but I do feel like all the attention during the actual wedding weekend will be kind of awkward. Like, everyone fawning over “Our Love!” all weekend… it seems kinda weird!
Post # 5
I don’t feel guilty but I do feel weird about it. But then I LOVE participating in/gifting for other people’s wedding events, so I try not to.
On a related note, we are at a hockey game right now and the old guy sitting behind us just gave us $100 when he overheard that we were getting married. We don’t even know him. So confused right now.
Post # 6
@MrsChamp: I’m the only child and my mom is widowed… so I think she feels the need to do a lot for me. But I feel guilty about all the money she spends, and about the attention in general. Like you said, it IS embarrassing. I’m trying to relax and enjoy, but it can be hard :-X
@lolot: SO awkward, right? We had a wedding in his country in January. When I came out in my dress and everyone said “you’re so beautiful!” etc., I literally said “How embarrassing” lol! I think I also feel guilty/awkward because we DID have a wedding already, so I feel like I don’t deserve anything extra. The shower is in a few weeks and I’m like… are we really gonna sit around and gush over our wedding and place settings and stuff? How weird to open gifts in front of people! I mean, I appreciate that everyone cares, but like you said, uncomfortable!
@distracts: ahaha… now THAT’S UNCOMFORTABLE! Lovely and generous, but seriously awkward. :-X
Post # 7
I’m generally uncomfortable with it all. I think it has more to do with being the center of attention and also people feeling like they are obligated to spend money on us. Most of our friends and family are in challenging, if not outright difficult economic situations.
However, no one has said a thing about planning a shower or any other party for me at this time. We’re getting married in late July, so I’m thinking it won’t happen.
Post # 8
Omg. Totally feel this way! I think it just means that we are kind and non selfish souls!
I just keep reminding myself that this will only happen once in my life so I am trying to let myself be spoiled in the way that I love spoiling others!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Gables at Chadds Ford
As much as I love showering my friends with wedding gifts or making decorations, I hate having people do things for me. I totally know how you feel. Like why do we deserve all this stuff just because we are getting married? Just remember everyone WANTS to do things for you, so just try to smile and appreciate it all even if it feels weird :P.
Post # 10
I feel that way too. I just get weirded out thinking about all these events coming up where all eyes will be on me..and that creeps me out! Also realizing how much money people are putting out for everything makes me feel awful. But at the same time…all us women go through this and we all get these celebrations so I guess we just need to enjoy the attention and then do the same for the other future brides we know!
Post # 11
I feel really guilty about it all. Not just because of all the fuss and me hating being the centre of attention, but I also feel that weddings aren’t exactly a huge deal. To me, it’s like “Congratulations on spending thousands on dollars so you could sign a piece of paper that would have only cost you $500 if you didn’t have us here!”
I also feel guilty because of fiance’s family – we’re having a pretty relaxed wedding, and my family are more than okay with it, but his family always wanted a big traditional wedding. So I feel guilty that they’re getting all worked up over what’s possibly just going to be a disappointment to them (they’re quite judgemental people and always worried about what others think at the best of times anyway, so that doesn’t help!)
Post # 12
@lanalnoco: I’m so glad you’re feeling this way too! or rather, I’m glad I’m not alone! I called my mom crying this morning about how overwhelmed I was feeling about all the money being spent and she just told me she knows how much I appreciate it and asked when our appointment is with the most expensive florist in town! I guess we’ve got to accept that people want to spoil us? I’m just more the spoiling type than the being spoiled type…
Post # 13
I feel really guilty too, to the point it makes me have a panic attack. I really don’t want the attention or ayone going through the trouble for me. I’ve never let myself be the center of attention, so this is the strangest concept to me. I can tell FMIL thinks I’m being rude when I tell her I don’t want her going out of her way for me. I love to spoil others, but when it comes to me it’s just really uncomfortable and I’m not used to it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I feel guilty for WANTING my wedding to be a big deal. Then when people plan stuff, have to get a hotel, buy gifts, etc I feel guilty. I don’t understand but I don’t like it.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn
@lanalnoco: Ugh, me. I hate the attention. I announced my engagement on Christmas Eve and I tried to do it quietly because I didn’t want to make the day about me. Then, on Christmas my aunt made a surprise toast to the “new bride in the family” and I cowered. I was beet red and my aunt kept telling me that “most people would be happy to share that kind of news”. I was happy, I just didn’t want Christmas to become all about me.I also feel super guilty any time somebody tries to help out for the wedding or the shower. It turns into “whatever bridesmaid’s dress is fine” and “i mean, the shower can just be at the pizzeria for all I care”. I keep telling my fiance and family that I don’t want this wedding to be about me. I want it to be about our family and friends. Unfortunately, I think it just makes me come off as snobbish.
Post # 16
I’m the same way. Catch 22!