(Closed) Anyone else feeling guilty about the attention, gifts, etc?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have similar feelings.  My parents are spending much more on my wedding than either of my sisters’ (I’m not the favorite or anything. Both of my sisters married within our faith in a religious ceremony and building that are free.  My fiance is non religious, so we’re having a secular ceremony and venue. Very much not free.  I’m also older than my sisters were, my parents are now empty-nesters, so they have more disposable income. But I do feel guilty anyway.)

I also feel generally embarrassed by the whole thing.  I never was any good at being the center of attention.  I have to remind myself to loosen up and have a good time 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@lanalnoco:  I don’t feel guilty per se (knowing how I love to lavish attention & some resources on other people for their weddings), but I do feel like all the attention during the actual wedding weekend will be kind of awkward.  Like, everyone fawning over “Our Love!” all weekend… it seems kinda weird!

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t feel guilty but I do feel weird about it. But then I LOVE participating in/gifting for other people’s wedding events, so I try not to.

On a related note, we are at a hockey game right now and the old guy sitting behind us just gave us $100 when he overheard that we were getting married. We don’t even know him. So confused right now.

Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m generally uncomfortable with it all. I think it has more to do with being the center of attention and also people feeling like they are obligated to spend money on us. Most of our friends and family are in challenging, if not outright difficult economic situations.

However, no one has said a thing about planning a shower or any other party for me at this time. We’re getting married in late July, so I’m thinking it won’t happen. 

Post # 8
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Omg. Totally feel this way! I think it just means that we are kind and non selfish souls!Wink

I just keep reminding myself that this will only happen once in my life so I am trying to let myself be spoiled in the way that I love spoiling others!

Post # 9
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Gables at Chadds Ford

As much as I love showering my friends with wedding gifts or making decorations, I hate having people do things for me.  I totally know how you feel.  Like why do we deserve all this stuff just because we are getting married?  Just remember everyone WANTS to do things for you, so just try to smile and appreciate it all even if it feels weird :P. 

Post # 10
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel that way too. I just get weirded out thinking about all these events coming up where all eyes will be on me..and that creeps me out! Also realizing how much money people are putting out for everything makes me feel awful. But at the same time…all us women go through this and we all get these celebrations so I guess we just need to enjoy the attention and then do the same for the other future brides we know!

Post # 11
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel really guilty about it all. Not just because of all the fuss and me hating being the centre of attention, but I also feel that weddings aren’t exactly a huge deal. To me, it’s like “Congratulations on spending thousands on dollars so you could sign a piece of paper that would have only cost you $500 if you didn’t have us here!”

I also feel guilty because of fiance’s family – we’re having a pretty relaxed wedding, and my family are more than okay with it, but his family always wanted a big traditional wedding. So I feel guilty that they’re getting all worked up over what’s possibly just going to be a disappointment to them (they’re quite judgemental people and always worried about what others think at the best of times anyway, so that doesn’t help!)

Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@lanalnoco:  I’m so glad you’re feeling this way too! or rather, I’m glad I’m not alone! I called my mom crying this morning about how overwhelmed I was feeling about all the money being spent and she just told me she knows how much I appreciate it and asked when our appointment is with the most expensive florist in town! I guess we’ve got to accept that people want to spoil us? I’m just more the spoiling type than the being spoiled type…

Post # 13
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel really guilty too, to the point it makes me have a panic attack. I really don’t want the attention or ayone going through the trouble for me. I’ve never let myself be the center of attention, so this is the strangest concept to me. I can tell FMIL thinks I’m being rude when I tell her I don’t want her going out of her way for me. I love to spoil others, but when it comes to me it’s just really uncomfortable and I’m not used to it. 

Post # 14
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I feel guilty for WANTING my wedding to be a big deal. Then when people plan stuff, have to get a hotel, buy gifts, etc I feel guilty. I don’t understand but I don’t like it.

Post # 15
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

@lanalnoco:  Ugh, me. I hate the attention. I announced my engagement on Christmas Eve and I tried to do it quietly because I didn’t want to make the day about me. Then, on Christmas my aunt made a surprise toast to the “new bride in the family” and I cowered. I was beet red and my aunt kept telling me that “most people would be happy to share that kind of news”. I was happy, I just didn’t want Christmas to become all about me.I also feel super guilty any time somebody tries to help out for the wedding or the shower. It turns into “whatever bridesmaid’s dress is fine” and “i mean, the shower can just be at the pizzeria for all I care”. I keep telling my fiance and family that I don’t want this wedding to be about me. I want it to be about our family and friends. Unfortunately, I think it just makes me come off as snobbish.

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