Post # 1
Although i should have been prepared by now, i admit my mum’s attitude hurts me..also my sister isn’t as supportive as in the beginning.
First i must say my mum is nowadays (and have been for years) the least romantic person i ever met..she turned her wedding dress into pillows!!!I remember them – soft cetin with silver roses embroidered..argh! Also, my mum was my dad’s war godmother and they used to write very long aerograms (so they were called) to each other while my dad was in Guinea (colonial war, back in the late 60’s). I found them when i was about 12 and i read them of course! I LOVED them – what an insight into my parents’ hearts and life back then! Sure, i should not have done that, but i was a kid and didn’t realize..so she BURNT all the letters!!!!!! Can you believe it?
So after all this i should be ready for this..but somehow i rebel against it. She and my sister (who inheritaded her lack of romance..) went with me on my first dress trial. I loved it, was really excited and felt quite emotional..this was my mum’s enthusiasm:
*sigh*..she never, ever asks me about the wedding planning and when i asked her if dad was thinking about giving me away she laughed “oh, that’s so far away in our minds!!” “Well, you bloody hell better start thinking about it, the wedding of your oldest daughter is just around the corner!” C’mon..i deserve more!
Can you believe what she said to me a couple of days later? “you are preparing for a wedding way too..well, too much! We weren’t expecting even a wedding! Never thaught it would happen! And now you are even looking for a wedding dress(!) and making everyone spend money (we’re paying for everything!)” I admit i cried.It was too much..i was so hurt you can’t immagine. 5 min later she repented, called again and asked me to apologise her.
This is NOT about her! This is about me, her daughter, her romantic, different and non-predictable daughter!Yes, the one who at 15 (!) said she was never to marry! Why can’t i have a mother who’s so excited and happy about the wedding as I do, who offers to do all kinds of things (she has time!)..*sigh* No, i can’t forgive and can’t ognore. Because i am the mother of 2 beautiful girls and i KNOW that when they marry i will be so happy and willing to help in making their wedding days the dream they deserve..
Post # 3
I know what you mean. My mum’s the same. It usually doesn’t bother me but it would be nice if at least someone around me was happy for me, and us. That’s all I ask. I’d be uncomfortable with gushing and too much interest but hey, at least pretend to be happy perhaps at some point.
Post # 4
I can empathize.
It’s very disheartening when NOBODY seems to care about your wedding or helping you plan it out. I think the lack of interest on my family’s part is probably because of my age, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
Post # 5
This is honestly one of my biggest concerns about getting engaged! My mother is still “bitter” about the way my grandma controlled her wedding and has said mulitple times that she doesn’t really want anything to do with it. She keeps saying “I’ll give you a blank check and send you on your way”. Granted… blank check is amazing, but shouldn’t she want to be more involved??? It really concerns me!
Post # 6
We deserve MORE. And i won’t let go of this idea. Sure, i continue all my planning away but still..sigh..well, sweetie, guess what, if you have children, pour all your love and romance and be there for them, the way they need. It’s what i will do one day.
Post # 7
Well, i won’t say NOBODY cares..but no, i do not have anybody from my family excited about it..or maybe they are but in their own way. I bet my grandmother is very happy and i have a cousin who’s really enthusiastic but she’s way too busy with her 3 girls so she’s not available to dream with me…
Post # 8
Lets’ hope on the day itself she repents and cries with emotion!!! 🙂
Post # 9
My mom (and most of my side of the family) wasn’t very interested in my wedding and never showed any enthusiasm. As the wedding got closer and closer, my Mother-In-Law kept saying “So your mom must be getting excited!” and it always stung a little because in reality my mom wasn’t excited at all.
Also, my mom is kind of jaded about weddings. She’s been married 3 times. She doesn’t believe marriage is permenant and sees a wedding as a huge waste of money.
I vowed that when my two younger sisters get married, I’m going to fuss over them and be excited because no one in my family showed much interest in my wedding and it hurt my feelings.
Anyway, how do your in laws feel about your wedding? Are they excited? If so, share your wedding details with them instead. I know that it feels like wedding planning should be a special time between a mother and daughter, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case for me. I took solice in the excitement my new family had.
Post # 10
First of all, i was overwhelmed by your pictures!!!!!! 🙂
Yes, i did rely on my mother-in-law for enthusiasm and she was adear, dear lady who could’t understand why my mum is like this. Unfortunatelly she passed away 2 weeks ago :-(..his sister lives far away and she’s reserved, like their dad. So, no..just a few,special, old friends with whom i mantain contact through the internet.
And yes, nothing can repalce a mother’s care..
Post # 11
I’m feeling this from my dad. I talked to him about it and he’s doing a bit better but it did really hurt.
Post # 12
Also I am so sorry you are experiencing this *hugs* unfortunately we have to live with the family we are given, all you can do is be a shining example of what true love can really be and maybe she will soften?
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
We’ve grown up with pretty powerful expectations about what planning our weddings will be like and how the women in our families will be involved. Your experience won’t match those messages, but few people’s do. The little girl in you wanted your mom at there, but the adult in you didn’t need her there.
Many women think that wedding planning will bring them closer to their mothers. For some, it does that. For many, it doesn’t. It’s okay to grieve over shattered expectations, but eventually, you will pick yourself up, realize that you were expecting more out of your mother than you know she has the capacity to give, and you will carry on like a stong, independent woman.
By The Way, based on comparing stories with brides, I got better service when I was alone than other girls did when with their mothers. When you are with your mom, I think some people in the wedding industry cater to her.
I wrote a bit about my own experience with this here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2012/01/30/including-mother-weddding-planning/
Post # 14
I can relate. My mom hasn’t been excited about anything. When she saw my engagement ring all she said was, “Well, it looks real enough.” (I have a moissanite and I happen to think it looks wonderful), and it’s been all downhill from there. I’ve tried to get her to look at some wedding ideas with me but she hasn’t and anytime I bring up getting married she just kind of sighs and shakes her head and changes the subject. She hasn’t congratulated me. She hasn’t mentioned being excited about dress shopping. She hasn’t said anything at all to me about a wedding other than how she doesn’t like FH and we need to wait as long as humanly possible to get married.
When we go out, she points out guys to me, I guess thinking that if I see someone super hot I’m going to leave my FH. My only consolation is my Future Mother-In-Law and one of my good friends being excited.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to write a book or anything, but I know how you feel and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it hurts.
Post # 15
Luckily my mom is excited! But I don’t think anyone else is. Kind of sucks!
Post # 16
Yes, yes, i believe you are right. I do think i behave like a child whinning about my mum’s lack of this and that..unsolved isues..but what’s worse is that i don’t seem to get over it! No matter how i think i know what’s coning and so should not expect more..i still feel hurt and disappointed and mad! And i snap at her! Like i snapped when i believed they weren’t paying my daughter (their grandaugher) the attention she deserves. My sister is cooler about that. She rolls her big eyes to me in a way we both know means “Here goes mum again. Hopeless case”. Sorry, i should accept it and move but i can’t. I grieve. Like i grieved when i was 5 years old, alone in holiday camp where i was the smallest, for 15 days. Maybe i expected her to change someday..i had hopes..*sigh*