Anyone else find this tacky?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it’s a good idea. Not everyone has money to have the big wedding! That could be more used idea cos everyone can spend 10 dollars for wine and the couple can have the wedding of their dream even though they don’t have much money! So very nice idea, I would be happy to bring my own bottle.

Post # 4
Member
7070 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If it’s a backyard or casual wedding I think it’s fine really. If it’s a formal affair then I think it’s inappropriate.

Post # 5
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@futuremrsstraight:  depends on the formality of the wedding. if it is a very casual, small event being hosted in someone’s backyard, barbecue-style, i think it’s okay – not ideal, but okay – but otherwise, yeah it’s pretty tacky.

Post # 6
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it sounds fun!  I would not be offended in the slightest if a friend chose to do this.

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@futuremrsstraight:  I personally wouldn’t do that, and the venue/catere we’ve selected wouldn’t allow it anyway, but I don’t think it’s the worst thing.  I would take that and the fact that kegs will be at this wedding it’s a bit more casual and informal … think of it as a dinner party, I’d usually bring a bottle of wine to dinner.  Sounds like it will be a fun party!

Post # 10
Member
3889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would only find this acceptable if the couple made it clear that whatever wine you bring is your gift. So they should take their registry down, and say something like “bring your favorite wine in lieu of a gift.”

As the host or hostess, you are supposed to provide for your guests. Since this is an occasion where gift-giving is customary, the level of provisions you must make is higher. Asking your guests to bring their own wine is not gracious or hospitable when they are also expected to bring a gift too. 

Post # 11
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@futuremrsstraight:  Eh. Yeah, if it’s at a home (even a home they rented for the day) I feel like that’s basically a “backyard wedding” and the request for wine is fine. It’s similar to having a large BBQ and having people BYOB.

Post # 12
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The way it was worded, I don’t think it’s tacky at all. If she had said something like “BYOB” then that’s tacky for a wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@futuremrsstraight:  Yes, it’s tacky. Hosts are supposed to provide the food and beverages at an event, not ask their guests to foot the bill. If they can’t afford to have alcohol, then a dry wedding it is! I’d prefer a dry wedding to being asked to help fundraise.

Post # 14
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree that it depends on the formality. It would be a great conversation starter, though! Guests can discuss the wines and taste different bottles. DH and I would love that because we are big wine drinkers.

Post # 15
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

@futuremrsstraight:  I find it very casual, and very communal in keeping with the common practices of many tightly-knit small communities where everyone pitches in to contribute to whatever celebration is going on in the community. But nothing is wrong with casual, communal celebrations. I find them very nice. Informal social events can be quite as proper as are formal social events. And in this case I would probably bring two bottles of Freixenet: one to share over conversation and reminiscence, and one for the happy couple to tuck away in their wine cellar to think fondly of me while creating their own happy event, some time, for them to reminisce over in the years to come. 

Now, if the hostess had sent out engraved invitations with formal wording, and was planning on wearing evening dress and rigging out her spouse in white tie, then I would find the combination in bad taste, because of the inconsistencies. And if she were to have a greeter at the door who took each guest’s bottle off his hands and moved them directly to the hosts’ wine-cellar so that they were not, in fact, contributions to the celebration but more like demanded tribute, I would feel used. But as stated? It very well might be just fine.

Post # 16
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think it sounds like fun! It’s always so hard to find good wines unless they’re recommended by other people (and then I generally forget unless they write it down for me!). As long as the wedding isn’t super formal, I don’t think its tacky at all.

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