Post # 1
Okay I am totally freaking out M and I live together but my name usually was never on the lease due to credit issues or income requirements. tomorrow we are going to look at a new place and both of our names will be there so it is OUR place that scares me sh.tless I mean before I could always leave if I wanted to and just transfer the utilities which were in my name now if anything happens we are obligated to each other this sounds so stupid even as I type it but the permanency is freaking me out! We have had a mostly perfect relationship and I have never wanted to leave him but this is so major to me he thinks I am crazy and laughs but I am seriously freaked out.
Post # 3
Hey, I have the same kinds of instincts. It’s ok to be afraid of commitment, afraid of not being able to ESCAPE! Several years ago, I moved cross-country with my guy for his new job (while I was finishing my dissertation and living mostly on loans) and I found the entire experience EXTREMELY scary. I picked lots of fights. 🙂 In the end, my lovely, supportive, understanding man promised me that if things went bad between us, he would pay for my ticket back east.
I think the thing to do is to acknowledge your fear and attempt to grapple with it openly as a couple. It *is* harder to leave if you own property together. It IS scary to be financially embroiled with someone. It’s totally fine to have these reservations (in fact, I wish more women had them). Just do the best you can by yourself and your relationship and be honest along the way. 🙂
Post # 4
Thx so much! I really thought I was nuts since no one else replied. I love him so much but the thought of okay this is real he and I will be together FOREVER is scary. Dang and we aren’t even engaged yet I will be scared poopless I have been in LTR but they were usually volatile our relationship is very comfy it feels very right and I am very happy but there is a thought of omg we are really committed to each other
Post # 5
Oh i know where you’re coming from. It’s the whole “it’s so permanent” idea. It’s a big step moving towards engagement+marriage!
Be grateful he wants your name on the list! Some guys wouldn’t, just so they could protect themselves more =]
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
When Lambers and I signed the contract for our house, the lawyer looked at us and said, “This contract legally binds you closer than marriage.” It was a little nervewracking, but it was such a good step for us. Definitely know all of the ramifications of owning a home together if you’re not married and explore options for protecting yourself financially. Homebuying is such a crazy exciting time – good luck to you!
Post # 7
FI scares the hell outta me talking about putting my name on things. My name is on absolutely nothing right now, and he really wants my name on the house and wants to have a joint bank account. I’ve lived too long being independent and I’m having a hard time making the transition from “Mine” thinking to “Ours” thinking.
Post # 8
In the same situation right now. It is scary but it’s soo exciting too. We are engaged; and our buying a home before we are married in 2011. Its going to make it seem soo real. I think Mr is more nervous about the whole “ours” think than I am. But we have talked about it and we know how one another feels about things. All i know is that our realtor told us this will be the most emotional decision we will ever make in our lives. He has seen people cry; scream; pass out & just stare in a state of aww. Ha Ha! So know that you aren’t alone!