anyone else get married before their wedding day?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you discussed with your officiant?  Some may not “re-do” ceremeony?

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsKA2014:  We went to the courthouse after my husbands TDY because tons of military friends were telling us it was needed. I was against it but my DH was very convinced that it should be done. Everyone at our wedding knew that we had gone to the JOP but nobody minded. We still called each other FI and I did not change my name until after the wedding. We had our church leader (who had been guiding our relationship since freshman year of HS) marry us at the wedding and because we did not need to sign papers he did not need to be ordained. It was considered a symbolic ceremony. The wedding was emotional and very real. It was also the first time I called my husband my husband 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsKA2014:  Marriage is not a piece of paper and we wanted our marriage to start off with friends, family, and our religion.Most people sign the papers after their ceremony but we just signed it before. I don’t think it is a big deal but I do think it is bad to not let everyone know. You shouldn’t decieve people! ALl our friends and family understood and EVERYONE came 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We did. Our elopement was in dec of 2010 and our wedding was in April of 2011. We had reasons for the elopement including custody and insurance issues. But I wouldn’t trade either day they were both perfect in very different ways. No one cared at my wedding. I did make the mistake of asking for advice on some things on the knot Relating to logitics. And finding out that there was a set of wedding police who think they have the say about other people’s ceremonies. So wish I had come here instead. Everyone at my wedding was glad we were still having it even though we got legally Hitched before. In fact it was my moms worst fear that we wouldn’t go ahead with a ceremony. This was our wedding day. I will also post my elopement pictures. 

Post # 8
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsKA2014:  I think being able to use anyone as an officiant is such a blessing! It makes everything that much more special 🙂 

I am sure your friends and family will be understanding! The wedding day will be what you make it 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

JOP .. Our elopement. We both ride motorcycles so we were in riding gear since we rode to the court house. Then after we called our families. That night we stayed in a super nice hotel, went out to dinner, anod went to a concert. It was a great day. So was our wedding celebration That had our kids, our families, our closet friends, on a stunning beach for both ceremony and reception. Like I said I cherish both days.

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have heard some weddings like this and have seen some pretty harsh backlash about it. I had even once considered the idea due to our inconvenient date but decided I would rather be inconvenient than having some badmouth me.

I have heard that some church’s have no problem performing a second religious ceremony, yet some have a problem doing so if you’ve been “living in sin” by only being legally married – because to them you aren’t even married yet! You don’t necessarily even need to go through a Church but could get anyone who is religious to preform a religious ceremony! 

As a guest I couldn’t care less about whether or not you were already legally married because everyone deserves an actual wedding in my eyes and shoulnd’t be forced to settle due to circumstances like this. It’d be a good idea to be open about it because some people may have a more negative reaction if it comes out on the day of!

Post # 14
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I were a guest, I wouldnt care as long as the delay was reasonable.  My personal thoughts are less than a year between the wedding and the reception is OK, less than 2 years if related to deployment issues.  Longer than that, it seems more like a vow renewal, but I would still probably go and have a good time.

Post # 15
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsKA2014:  That’s probably what we’ll do if we find the house we want before our wedding day happens. Our plan is to get married first, because we won’t purchase a house as common-laws. But if something happens and for whatever reason we find a house and the wedding is still months ahead, we’ll rush to to courthouse, get the papers done, get the house, then proceed with the wedding as planned. Our family and friends want as much as we want to have a public ”ceremony” to attend and a reception with us, to share our joy and this very special event in our life. Marriage contract = legal papers, wedding = family. That’s how we both see things. If we end up doing both on the same day, it’s fine. But it can also end up being 2 separate things and we’re totally okay with it, and so do our families. They will never think it’s a ”fake” wedding or whatever, and we’ll not pretend to have a different official marital status, but the marital status is only official for the State ; Fi and I believe our marriage will begin after we exchange vows in front of our families and it will also become our anniversary date (not the legal date). 😉

Also, this year my FI and I will be considered ”married” anyway because it’s been a year we’ve been living under the same roof. The State considers, when it comes to taxes, that we’re the same as married so really, the only thing it will change for us to sign papers is to protect each other and our combined assets. A house is definitely something I want combined right from the start (and divided 50-50 if we ever divorce). 

Post # 16
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have been to many a ceremony where no one got legally married ( same sex marriage and at least 4 strait couples who didn’t want the state involved in their marraiges) so when I got attacked on the knot I was floored. I had never heard of such a thing. I was really upset and actually told DH. He says well do you know these people? Did you invite any of them? Nope .. Great reminder of who thoughts should matter. In real life we told everyone right away and everyone was happy for us. And it didn’t stop anyone from coming To our wedding. If anything the issue I ran into was some people being hurt they weren’t invited. I am very social and my hubby is an introvert so I kept it small so my friends wouldn’t overwhelm him. 

We even celabrate both days. In December we often go out of town to see the same band ( we just did this two days ago) and in April we celebrate our wedding .. 

 

And the taking our bikes to elope was so much fun. Our honeymoon was a three week trip to 14 states on two bikes :-).. Being a two Harley family is a lot of fun.

in real life I wouldn’t worry about the wedding police. If you think back to all that we have been told you can’t do with weddings over the years ( have kids first, move in togather, same sex marriage, wear white unless you are virgin etc, have a second marriage after divorce ect ) well all of it is done now and no one bats an eye ( or if they do someone tells them to stuff it. You have to do what is right for you, your hubby, and your family. your friends and family love you so most likely they will understand and support you.

For me our wedding was super important for us,our sons ( we each have a son from a prior relationship), our family, and our friends. And our elopement was important for us. 

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