(Closed) Anyone else getting into more squabbles with FI?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@OneLove04210: We’re “squabbling” occassionally, but not about anything as serious as this. Btw I am a student also.

Our squabbles are more focused on registry items to be honest…like what color items we’re going to place in rooms.

I also get that “whatever makes you happy line” which drives me batty, but I try not to get too hurt by it. I think weddings create unnecessary drama. He just wants to get into the marriage part of it, and I completely understand. Once everything returns to normal I will be much happier.

Mr. Polar Bear also doesn’t like to plan btw…which is completely opposite of me (I have the next 2-4 years planned out already). That can be a tough situation, because if you let it it could lead to brawls; that however is why I chose an all-inclusive place so that we don’t have to worry about a ton of little things.

Good luck to you and I hope he gets his act together.

Post # 5
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s more the time of day that this got posted. I bet if you bump in the evening, you’ll get more responses.

I’m really sorry that you FI is acting like this; maybe one of the engaged or married bees can relate and give helpful tips. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It sounds like you guys both have a lot going on in your lives, and he’s not really contributing much because he’s gotten all this “advice” about how he shouldn’t be involved.  I know rewards flights book really fast so if I were you, I’d book those flights to where your wedding is right now.  Then write up a list of things that you need to tackle, and tell him which of these you are going to take care of, and which of them you think he should do (ex: you book the photog/videographer, florist, and hair/makeup, and he books the DJ and the honeymoon).  He’ll have a concrete thing that he has to do as far as wedding planning and you might feel better about his involvement in the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

In short YES!

I could write a 10 page complaint but mainly becasue he dosn’t plan anything and whenever I ask his opinion he either says he dosn’t want to talk about it or he dosn’t care and then I just do what I want and after I tell him what I’ve planned he get’s angry becasue it’s not his way, well no shit, it’s not! GRRRR.

Post # 8
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve definitely noticed tension between us lately.  I’m not a student, but my FI is…so I’ve kind of let him off the hook of helping me plan as much.  Now that we have 3 months left, and things are getting even more crazy, I find that I’m resenting him a bit that I’m doing everything by myself. I’ve been real snappy with him lately, which will cause arguments.  It stinks cause we never used to bicker so much, but the important thing is I realize this is just all coming from stress and once the wedding is over, our lives should calm down.

I also get the ‘whatever you want’ line.  Makes me wanna SCREAM! Like, can’t you make a decision for once?! Does everything have to be left up to me??? We started off in this together, but it very quickly turned into MY project.   Which is a hard project to keep up with when my initial plan was to just hop a plane to vegas…

Just keep in mind, there’s certain things you don’t necessarily NEED.  Like, if he’s the one insisting on a videographer, then that’s something he needs to worry about.  And if he never gets around to booking one, oh well…

Sorry, I dont have much advice to give, but I would definitely keep pushing him to talk to his parents.  this is definitely a time where any help (big or small) comes in handy!

Post # 9
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yes over stupid stuff like RSVPs and our 1st dance.

Post # 11
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I found myself getting very frustrated and resentful towards my FI a few months back when we still had a lot of planning to do and he was not taking the initiative to do anything himself.  I should mention I work full time and he is currently unemployed, which added to my resentfulness.  I eventually snapped and told him that I needed him to take a more active role in planning so that I wouldn’t get overwhelmed.  It wasn’t the most graceful way to ask for help, but it seemed to work.

I have found that if I want FI to do something for the wedding I have to tell him exactly what I want him to do.  When we were looking at DJs, I gave him four names and told him I needed him to call them that day and ask about pricing.  It was a clear request, not unreasonable, and something he is interested in.  It feels a little like giving him homework, but this way he knows what I feel needs to get done and he can find ways to help.

I would tell your FI how stressed planning is making you feel and ask him to put more effort into giving you feedback and planning things.  He may not understand all the things that need to get done or how long it takes to get all of these things done.

Good luck, I hope you feel less stressed soon!

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to say that you are definitely not alone. My godsister got married last July, and the very first thing she said about planning the wedding (after the fact, of course) was: “I’m so glad it’s over! [Husband] and I have never fought so much over anything before; I almost wanted to break up with him at times.” And she wasn’t joking.

Post # 13
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

FI was frustrated with me a little because I haven’t done the hemming on his pants..it has been 4 months since I told him I would..so he wanted to take it to a tailor to do it…anyways..i’ve been busy so it got shoved drown my to-do list. 🙂

I’m in school finishing up my research paper and preparing for a comprehensive example while working full time and 5+ months from the wedding!  It has taken a toll on me.  Seeing me stress, FI stepped up to help a bit.  I noticed it works better when I am specific on what I needed done and give him a reasonable timeline.  I asked him to create and print out he save the date by end of this month..and they’re on their way to us!  After that, I asked him to look for our first dance song and we found something we both like…he even youtube for videos we can learn the dances from.  Guys really don’t want to make the big decisions when it comes to wedding, but giving them a list of things and showing them how you want done will help them get started. Hope this helps.

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