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I have friends that ask every time we talk! Fortunately, my family hasn't gotten to that point yet-- just discussing it amongst themselves, lol. Unfortunately, I made the BIG mistake of telling people in August that we would be getting married in summer 2012, and thus getting engaged soon. I so wish I could take it back! Although, on the other hand... maybe everyone is so confused about what's going on that they're keeping quiet haha... for now.
I feel sad that you have to dread family functions :( I have friends that go through similar ordeals every holiday, etc. It honestly somewhat baffles me that people feel ok asking such an intensely personal question.
oh yeah. I get it all the time!! Every time I come back to work from a trip or a Holiday, the first thing my Co-workers do is look at my hand. My SO is a store manager for Publix, so whenever we go to different Publix's together, all his friends/employees that he knows go "When are you two gonna get married?" and of course I always just want to shout "I'M FREAKING READY!!!!"
Yes!! It's so annoying! Especially when I feel like I've been waiting forever for him to propose! I've been lucky enough to have parents that never ask such things, but all of my friends (mostly married) can't seem to get over the fact that we aren't engaged. My boss even asked me the other day why my boyfriend and I weren't engaged. So unprofessional and rude. I can't imagine ever asking someone such a personal question, and I don't understand why people think it's okay.
Sometimes, depending on the person who is asking, I just laugh and say "wow, that's a really inappropriate question!" It makes them uncomfortable and then they don't ask again. But I understhat that at family functions, it frequently isn't as acceptable to be that snarky. Maybe come up with a polite response to tell people in advance, so that you don't snap and say "I DON'T KNOW WHEN WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, OKAY?!!!! @%$&@*##!!!!"
To make myself feel better about it, I just remind myself that I know we'll be getting engaged someday soon, and they don't, so it's like a little secret that they aren't in on. It makes "playing dumb" about it a little more fun (or at least less uncomfortable). I also try and imagine how suprised everyone will be when I finally tell them we're engaged. I know it's silly, but it takes the edge off for me!
No one ever asks me and I kind of wish they would ;) grass is always greener ahaha
Yes!! I avoided it during thanksgiving, but there's no way to avoid it for Christmas. Especially since my SO is the last of the older cousins to not be married.
Yes, I hate when people ask questions like that too! I used to think it was cute in the beginning, but after a couple more years of those questions, it's not so cute anymore. My Grandma constantly asks me what the hold up is and even sent my SO a Valentine's Day card this year and in it she wrote "When are you going to put a ring on my little girl's finger."
I actually don't mind as much when people only ask my SO. HAHA. Last weekend one of our friends quietly said to SO (within earshot of me) "So, are you planning on asking her soon?" My boyfriend just stared at him and didn't say anything, but gave a slight nod. The friend than said "Don't leave it too long. Seriously." Awwww, I absolutely loved that SO's good guy friend sincerely cares about us that much.
@Jenny267: No, that does make a lot of sense, I'll just keep reminding myself of the sparkly he's hiding somewhere in our apartment this weekend and try to muscle my way through all the family things lol. My usual response in the past has been a shrug followed by "no idea, it's up to him" lol. Glad to know I'm not the only one!
Yes!! I hate this question.. Do they really think I would keep my engagement a secret and not tell anyone? They will all know when it happens.. Geez!!
@dewdrop086: oooh!! That's exciting!
*RAISES HAND*
I'm soo sick of being questioned... not necessarily by friends/family, but mostly by coworkers. I have one who asks me every single time I see her, and I see her every single day! I told her politely that she'll be one of the first to know when it happens, so until then, just assume it hasn't haha.
Though lately I have noticed one exceptionally annoying thing that has now been added to the 'why aren't you engaged/why hasn't he proposed yet/when are you getting engaged' questions...
People (including his family a bit) are now starting to make comments where it's like they are assuming I am either anti-marriage, don't believe in it, or don't want to get married at all. And of course, that must be the reason why we aren't engaged yet - that we don't care. It is so beyond aggravating. I didn't realize there was a time limit, and that clearly if I'm not engaged by the 5 year mark of dating, that I must hate the idea of marriage. Wtf. Have any of you had this happen?!
It was funny, last night my SO and I were with his family... and his aunt brought up his sister's engagement. Then all of a sudden, his brother's girlfriend gets talking about how annoying the questions are. I was dancing inside, I was so thankful haha. I'm not the only one! Then we had a little discussion about how annoying the questions are, she even flat out asked both our SOs if they get questioned like we do. Both said no. She then went on to talk about how they don't know what it's like, it's terrible, etc. It was entertaining. I briefly mentioned how frustrating it was, especially now, with how it's like because we passed a certain amount of time, people are starting to assume we just don't want to get married at all.
All I know is, I still want to be excited when he finally proposes. And I want my friends/family to be excited for me... rather than just being like "finally! it's about time!" or "oh so you guys did decide to take the plunge afterall" or some bs comments like that.
Sorry for my rambling ladies! :-/
It can get annoying, but it comes more from close family and friends... and I know it's not just them being nosy but it's more like, they're looking out for me. They know how important an engagement and a marriage is to me, and since they are all on good terms with my SO, it's sort of like, what are your intentions? If there is a timeline and I share that with them (like, soon, we've been discussing it!) then I think they tend to back off. Otherwise, it's like, they're just making sure I'm not waiting around on someone for something that will never happen. I hope that makes sense.
Just so you know, getting a ring won't change anything. When you are engaged, you will get 29837 questions about the wedding, asking about costs, why are you spending so much/so little, or even blatantly judging your choices - like I found all of DH's female relatives doing last year while I played with their kids. Apparently I was a horrible person for not having my sister in the wedding despite them not knowing my sister or our relationship.
Once you get married they'll start asking when you're having a baby, how many babies are you going to have -and if you get pregnant - how are you doing this, why are you doing that? We've been married six months, and despite SIL expecting in a month, I've been asked no less than 12 times when we're having a baby -even one person telling me I needed to 'eat more' so I could be next. O_o
It never ends!
I'm so sick of being asked this! If I didn't want to be engaged months ago, I wouldn't mind it so much, but it's really insensitive when people ask that and some of them know I want to be engaged already. A few people have stopped asking me because they've decided it'll never happen. My mom's actually started encouraging me to start seeing other people. It sucks, it's rude, and it's nobody's business. Next time someone asks me about it I'll tell them they'll know when I know, and that'll be when it happens.
@authentic: His brother's girlfriend sounds awesome for having the balls to call everyone out on it!
@Ms. Darko: "My Grandma constantly asks me what the hold up is and even sent my SO a Valentine's Day card this year and in it she wrote "When are you going to put a ring on my little girl's finger."" hahahaha I almost wish I had a grandma like that!!!
@Ohhavok: Coworkers are THE WORST. At my last job, anytime I went on a vacation, I got grilled about if this is it, and they'd all ask once I got back. I started feeling so ashamed when I had to tell them "no, not engaged...". They also started this after we'd been dating for like, just a few months, so it was a little ridiculous.
My coworker at my current job asked if "this Christmas is the Christmas" and I was like... No... probably not. He replied by saying he'll probably get engaged before me, and he's been dating his girlfriend for like, 3 months! Geesh. Luckily my family isn't too bad about it... but now I'm getting a little worried!
I think when people ask, I'm just gonna start smiling sweetly and say that I'm making HIM wait... simply because I need to know that he can handle all the fabulousness that is me before we take on the Wife role. At that point, things might just be too awesome for him to handle. I can't have him flip out when I say yes to his proposal because it hits him that he gets me as his wife [and he gets to be my husband]! I have to know he'll stay strong! ;)
Then, just for fun, I think I'll also add that I enjoy living in sin. :)
It happens all the time, and it's growing to become very annoying. Everytime I see my best friend she'll glance at my hand to see if I got the ring yet, then say "Nothin' yet huh?" Don't get me wrong, I love her. But if he popped the question don't you think I would tell you!!??! It drives me nuts. My parents are constantly asking, co-workers, friends-of-friends...... It's really getting out of hand. Maybe this could be why were so eagerly waiting for the ring? I know I'm waiting for the ring so I can marry the love of my life, but it will be fantastic for everyone to stop asking if he's popped the question, or why hasn't he popped the question. I wish I could say "I don't know why he hasn't asked yet, why don't you ask him and then let me know!" ;)
I don't sound frustrated at all lol.
@dewdrop086: I'm definitely on the same boat. EVERYONE is constantly asking!!!
And I know my cousin, who had been with her BF for less than a year will befretting engaged very soon. Cruel world :)
What's even worse is when you get asked for years and then it suddenly stops. Its been so long that people have given up on us :(
@UsagiTsukino: This is me at the moment, after nearly 4 christmas', birthdays etc, nobody asks anymore!
OH MY GOSH! Story of my life!
My SO's family always calls me his wife (UMMMMMM) bc everyone is waiting for him to pop the question :) lol. My family NEVER asks and neither do any of my friends. But ohhh boy, his family is all over it like white on rice. Oh and my one coworker who knows how much I will be in love with the ring once I get one, always asks me after holidays/vacations etc. Haha!
It does get semi frustrating though when his family members say, "ooohhh when are yall gonna get married?" I'm like "ummm ask HIM" it's not up to me people! If it was, we'd be married already haha! Until then....I shall wait and daydream all the live long day!
Just respond with "when he asks me!!" and i bet someone will be willing to knock some sense into him! 
No one really asks, exactly. More like throw out "feeler" statements, if you know what I mean. Although I did ask a friend for her address so I could send her a Christmas card and she came back at me with "I hope you're sending a wedding invite, too!" It was kind of annoying. It's mostly my long-distance friends who ask. We don't talk a lot, so I think they're worried that I'll get engaged and not tell them, ha.
I get asked this EVERYTIME I speak with my aunt and grandmother. I finally just started saying "why are you asking me? Ask him!" Then, the last time my aunt saw by SO, she sat there and lectured him on the merits of marriage for 15 minutes (I made a hasty retreat).
My grandmother is even worse! Everytime I speak with her, she asks me if I've "run him off yet" because she "knows how I am" and that I need to be "nicer" so that he'll marry me! I guess she got fed up with working me over, because she finally just called my SO and asked him! (Whew: end of rant.)
@Ms_Sunshine: Omg! She called him? Lol, what did he say?
I have a girlfriend who has been with her boyfriend for more than 7 years now. He's 30, she's 29 and they bought a house together 2-3 years ago. Everyone always asks her and she used to say things like, "Oh, we're not in a rush" and stuff like that but now that she's become impatient, she just answers, "I don't know - you should ask HIM!"
It's actually become a little awkward for everyone since it doesn't really seem like he wants to marry her but no one wants to talk about it. I'm hoping he asks her soon (or they at least dicuss it) because she's getting pretty upset thinking about it and she doesn't seem very happy these days and I never know the right thing to say. :(
@Juliepants: I don't know!! He wouldn't tell me. He just said that my grandmother was "sweet" and that it'll "happen when it happens." I highly doubt that a) he would be that blasé with my 89 year old grandmother and b) that she'd accept that as an answer! It's driving me nuts!
And, yikes! That is an awkward position to be in with your friend. I hope it works out!
@authentic: Lol! I had a very similar thing happen this past weekend. We went to his fathers house on Christmas Eve, and there's tons of family there. He and his girlfriend announced to everyone that they were engaged and would be getting married the following June after only being together for about 2yrs. I immediately had the urge to run when all of his family started cracking jokes about us not being engaged (actually ended up in the bathroom with a glass of wine just to have a few moments of peace). After a particularly loud joke from my SO's dad about me eventually being his son's wife whenever he gets around to it, one of my SO's young teenage cousins said "wow that's got to get annoying" within earshot of most their family. It made me feel a little better at least.
@Future_Ms.Bostonceltics: I completely get that, if people didn't bug me about all the time, I would be a lot happier just being a girlfriend. I won't lie, the pressure from our families does get to me a lot sometimes. Hence the bathroom wine drinking lol.
@dewdrop086: That's rough, and I totally get what you're saying that you'd be happier if people would just bug off and stop asking questions. The pressure gets to me at times too, regardless how much I try to ignore it. But, that being said, I feel like the questions bother me the most not because I care what others think, but because they make ME question things occasionally [on the really rough days lol]. I know I have no reason to question anything, not in the slightest. But still, it happens. Lately I feel like I'm more bothered by the fact that now people are randomly starting to make comments like "well, you know, marriage isn't for everyone..." or "well I guess things are very different these days, not as traditional as it was before" etc.... basically insinuating that I don't care to be married. It kinda breaks my heart a little, actually. Simply because it's the complete and total opposite. To have those comments come along with the "why hasn't he proposed yet?" questions... it kills me. It kinda makes me want to snap, flip out, tell them to f*ck off, and basically throw a little tantrum to my SO and ask why the heck he's taking so damn long. Luckily, I'm able to control myself haha. I try to keep in mind that it will get better! :)
I was the one who received the phone call from my future MIL about my SO's sister getting engaged. Obviously, I'm extremely happy for her/them... but I'll admit it was hard to hear. I got off the phone and cried. Luckily, I was able to get my composure back when my SO called from work to find out the news... but when he got home, I could tell that he didn't know what to say/do. I could tell it affected him a bit too.
With all that said... I think I'm going to take a page from one of my favorite shows [How I Met Your Mother] and just say this the next time someone asks me:
@authentic: haha love that show! thanks for the advice, I'm glad to know I'm not crazy for being upset about this stuff. I think I've cried at least a little bit each time someone else has gotten engaged or I hear one of my guy friends talking about his plans to propose to his own gf... The one comforting fact I have is that I know my SO has gotten a ring and so there is definitely hope that I may not be waiting much longer, but my birthday and xmas have both come and gone and still nothing and now his dad is going to get married for a third time! It makes me wonder what exactly his plan is and the wondering is driving me crazy!
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It's the holidays, and my birthday was just last week, so of course it seems like all our friends and family are asking the same questions over and over again about if he proposed yet or when are we getting married, etc. This has been going on for a couple of years now, and while I always love seeing our families and friends, it's gotten to the point where I'm actually dreading seeing people at family functions. I feel horrible about it, but if just one more person asks when we're going to get married, I might just snap. I recently did find out that my SO got me ring, so I know it'll happen soon (I have not told anyone about it), but I'm just so tired of other people bugging me about it. It'll happen when it happens and everyone else should just be happy that we're happy!
Any other Waitingbees out there in the same boat?