(Closed) Anyone else had a role-reversal with wedding planning?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

LOL……I have always dreamed of a big wedding. My DH was like ahhhhhhh….do we really have to have one…lol. But I think a lot of women dream of their wedding day.

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think first of it’s unfair of people to say it’s “your wedding do what you want” its your fi’s wedding too.

Fi has spent more then I think we need to on this wedding. I am down with the whole formal thing so I don’t care about that part. I think you need to think about what he wants for the wedding, and thing carefully about what you want for the wedding. I think you guys can meet in the wedding. Don’t have a formal black tie wedding, perhaps go for a semi formal look instead, perhaps let your fi have a nice meal

Both of you can incorpate your personalities in the wedding. At the end of day it’s more imporant your day represents the both of you, and not just you and not just him.Take a step back and don’t pull out the waterworks, everytime you discuss the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I hear ya 100% OP. I wanted a JOP wedding followed by a nice dinner with maybe 20 family members and close friends in Atlantic City NJ (I worked for a judge out of law school, and he’s pretty high up the food chain so he doesn’t normally do weddings, but he’d make an exception for his former clerk, so it wouldn’t even be getting married by a random stranger, and his court is in AC!).  FI and his family nearly had a collective conniption when I said that, though, so now we’re having a $40k affair with 230 guests that makes me nauseous every time I think about it. 

My best advice is resign yourself to this day as part of the compromise of being in a couple. It’s one day, you’ll get through it, and you’ll pay the money, and it’ll hurt to your  very core writing those checks when you don’t even want to have the stupid wedding in the first place, but you can afford it, so you will.  And you will be fine.  And then it’ll all be over, and you can go enjoy your honeymoon (spend money on your honeymoon, ENJOY that vacation!).  And it’ll all be behind you.

Also, be clear with your FI- you want it, YOU plan it. That means he goes to search out venues, he worries about linen colors and flowers, he interviews photographers and DJ’s. Tell him you want none of it and stick to it.  Let him have free reign to make it as ridiculous as he wants it to be.  He and his mother can plan it, you just pick out your dress and call it a day.  Don’t get sucked into planning a day you don’t care about.  I didn’t put my foot down enough about that, and as a result all the planning fell to me, and it’s been miserable.

Just try to enjoy what parts you can- dress shopping should be fun, and food and cake tastings are a good time.  And the rest, let him handle.  You’ll have a good time dancing at your reception no matter what, really, because you won’t sweat the small stuff, so focus on having your closest family and friends around you on a big day and smile.  And know that honestly, planning will fly by, and so will the day of, from what I’m told- in a few months, you’ll be back to your normal life.

And for what it’s worth, just about everyone I’ve ever met has regretted their big stressful wedding day and all the money they blew- not right away, but after a couple years looking back on it. So smile through it, fake it til you make it, and be comforted by the fact that there’s a good chance your husband will come to you one day and say “you know what, babe, you were right- we were stupid to spend that kind of money and if I had it to do over again, we’d do it your way.”

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