Post # 1
Yesterday afternoon I was on the bus sitting on the front seat, with handrails and poles to hang on to right behind me. Then a man in his 50s came on with a woman I assumed was his wife/girlfriend. He was talking to another woman in the front seat across the aisle from me, so was standing while his girlfriend/wife sat down. Instead of putting his hand on the handrail and leaning against the pole, he put his hand ON MY LEG and leaned against my shoulder! I thought he would realize, and apologise, as my leg is wider, softer and lower down than a hand rail! But NO, he kept standing there holding my leg for a full three or four minutes, until he stopped talking to the lady across from me. I was too in shock to say or do anything, I was traumatized! He didn’t look at me or say anything when he and his wife/girlfriend got off the bus (lucky they got off before me), he didn’t even apologise! Anyone else had something like this happen to you, what did you do? I know I should have said something but I was in shock, I couldn’t move or say anything.
Post # 3
@Jacqui90: You couldn’t say or do anything for three or four minutes? What’s done is done but if it happens again try and snap out of it and politely shove this person off of you.
Post # 4
@Jacqui90: Yeah, shame you sound like a really nice and polite person but you should get the shark teeth out sometimes – you’ll feel better for it. With me there is like an electric current, when people touch me I move away. Also, I don’t even like to be touched (like hugged) by family, nevermind have my leg used as a handrail by a weird old man. Just move over next time and say ‘excuse me’.
Post # 5
@Flanders: I totally understand what you’re saying, it’s what my family said too, I was just physically in shock I think.
Post # 6
@Jacqui90: When I was in high school I caught the train to school. One morning I was running and bit late so the train was near empty. I jumped on and an elderly guy, mid 60’s at a guess, jumped on too, then follwed me down stairs. I sat in a two seater next to the window. He walked around the train, then came and sat right next to me and put his hand on my leg, I’m in a school uniform, so white top and a navy blue skirt, he was touching my skin. Again, the train was empty, he could have sat anywhere. This all happened within the two minutes between my stop and the next stop. I tried to move he’s hand away and he just laughed and put it back. The train was coming to a stop so I slapped his hand, got up, got out and moved closer to the guards compartment. I’m like another PP, I like my personal space. I don’t like being touched for no reason. I’ve no problem with an elderly man or woman holding my arm for balance, or grabbing hold of me if they trip etc… But otherwise, keep your hands OFF me.
Sometimes I think people hide behind their age to get away with shit. The guy in my story clearly thought that because of his age, he could try and do whatever he wanted to. I never reported it to the train guard, my school, but I should have. I’d told my dad about it later, but he agreed that I should have told someone sooner.
Next time you find yourself in that situation, slap his hand, make it known that it’s not welcomed contact.
Post # 7
@krayzay87: Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it doesn’t happen again.
Post # 8
He would have gotten off the bus with a nub if that was me. Next time yell ” Personal Space, You’re in my personal space and I don’t like you touching me ” and people will stop touching you IMMEDIATELY and it will grab the attention of other passengers! I have done this several times on a NYC subway and each time the man doing it has panicked. 90% of the time another passenger has watched me or moved closer to me ( normally a male or older female).
I have had men flash me too ( I went to an all girl school) and have yelled ” put your penis away I’m a child. “. The louder you are the faster it will stop.
People will continue to do what you allow them.
Post # 9
That’s odd! I def would have said excuse me and asked him to stop!!
Post # 10
@krayzay87: OMGEEEZZYY! I would be totally grossed out!
Post # 11
I don’t take transit these days, but when I did I was sexually assaulted (I believe that’s the right word) on two occasions. I was a teen in both instances, I think.
In one case a much older man who was standing when I was seated put his genital area on my shoulder and started rubbing up and down.
In the other case, a somewhat older man sitting beside me was rubbing his own thigh/knee, and shifted his hand to start rubbing my thigh/knee.
In both cases they tried to be subtle about it as if neither I nor anyone else around would notice. I guess they were looking for a victim that would go into denial or something. I didn’t know how to react so stood up, gave the pig a horrified stare, and went to stand among a group of people in a different area. Neither pursued me.
Post # 12
I use public transport everyday. Anyone who touches me, accidentally or otherwise, gets an elbow in the side. I once had a man next to me who kept pressing his leg against mine, so after numerous elbows in the rib disguised as me searching in my bag, I ended up asking him very loudly if he wouldn’t mind closing his legs. Everybody on the bus started staring and his legs miraculously managed to stay on his side for the rest of the trip.
Post # 13
@Jacqui90: I’ve had by boobs groped on a crowded train. I was too much in shock, it was like a “did that really just happen?” moment. ((hugs)) to you. We’ve all got to be more assertive against creeps like this.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@pink lantern: I’ve become quite nifty with my elbows, although mainly I only crack them out in crowded pedestrian areas or concerts because I don’t take much public transport any more. Concerts are ridiculous though, I seem to always get stood right in front of some woman who is obsessed with rubbing her boobs on my back. See how she likes an elbow there.
@Jacqui90: OP, I can understand you not saying something at the time – I got flashed by an old man in a public swimming pool about 4 years ago. It was a weird situation – I didn’t tell anyone as it happened, but I got out before him and told the life guards to keep an eye out. Sadly they didn’t do anything, and once I got home my Dad made me report it to the police, but because the life guards hadn’t reported it to their manager, they never found him.
Since then I’ve been more proactive about things like that, and to be fair even if I hadn’t said anything about a guy with his hand on my leg, I would have probably just moved it away. Personal space is a big deal to me, and I would not be there for that sort of shit.
Post # 15
Yeah I should be more assertive, I was not ok with him invading that space at all, it was awful! I think a bit of shoving and moving away is in order if it happens again. I don’t know how I would be about yelling out though, I would honestly be embarassed about causing a scene, even though I shouldn’t be embarassed.
Post # 16
I believe this calls for a short song from Spamalot…
“Get your hand off my knee, you dirty, old bastard.”