- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I absolutely hate baby showers. Grown women turn into mindless idiots consumed by thoughts of babies. It's horrible. And the games even worse. But you have entered into a new family. And that means you make sacrifices for each other. I am sure your husband will at some point be going to one of your family events that he would rather be at some sports game with his friends. Suck it up and go. It's only a couple hours of your time and I am sure your husband's family would appreciate it.
Is it heresy if I say I hate baby showers too? I avoid them at all costs... I hate the games, the "oohing and ahhing" over little things, and the belly touching. I know I'm terrible, and now I'm faced with someone throwing me one.
I wonder if there has ever been a baby shower thrown that wasn't all cheesy? Can there be a baby shower with booze (not for me, but for everyone else), with no talk of baby poop and no frilly baby stuff? That sounds ideal to me!
Ha, I just went to two baby showers in the last week, and they were awesome. Both were nighttime co-ed cocktail parties with BBQ and then high-end homemade food. No baby rabbits or pastel colors in sight! ;)
I think baby showers are more practical than bridal showers, but they're less fun (I don't like bridal showers either). I would send a gift and an apology..
It seems like you are surrounded by a lot of people who love babies and maybe you're being a little defensive? This is your second post in two days on the babies board about how much you hate being around people talking about babies. Obviously baby showers are going to involve a lot of talking about babies, but I don't think that makes all the attendees baby obsessed. You have to understand that having a baby is a huge deal and will obviously preoccupy anyone undertaking the project. Also, baby showers are celebrations of, well, babies, so what else are people going to talk about while they're there? Why do you hate talking about babies so much?
Obviously I've never been present when you're around your in-laws, so I don't know for sure, but are you sure they aren't just joking around and maybe you're taking it a bit too seriously? I do think that it would be rude to say that your SIL got pregnant too quickly-- it's really none of your business. But it's also none of your family's business what happens inside your uterus. Have you talked to your husband about how the things they say are making you feel?
I think one unfortunate reality of the society we live in is that after people are married, everyone assumes that the next logical step is to have children, and they often make insensitive comments or come off as pushy. Usually they have the best of intentions, though, and are just curious and want to see you happy. It's totally fine to say that you don't want children right now, but you don't have to banish all baby talk whenever you're around. Honestly, based on your last two posts, I think you might be being a little over sensitive.
Thanks for the posts! A few things I don't think I made clear. This is my brother's wife, not husband's sister. I have never said they got pregnant too quickly- my family says that I am saying that when I say that I'm not pregnant since it is too soon for us after only 3 months. I know who the invite list is, and it's not a healthy group of people. So when I already hate baby showers (except the cool ones described above- I just have never been invited to one like that), I especially don't want to go to one with these people.
If I were you, I would just suck it up and go, especially since it's a shower for a family member (no matter how you're actually related). My fiance and I are childfree, and will remain that way. But I feel some sort of polite necessity to support others in their childbearing endeavors. Hopefully the food will be good and the games will be fun. Or, if you're a drinker, you could pre-game and arrive somewhat tipsy 
It sounds like you should watch a couple episodes of SATC!! The first episode you should watch is the one where Carrie loses her shoes at a baby shower or birthday party or whatever. Then she makes her friends buy her new shoes by registering for a wedding to herself. The other episode you should watch is the one where Miranda has a baby shower for Brady. You sound like a Miranda (you too DG!!). Don't feel bad, not everyone likes baby showers!
I understand why you don't want to go. If it's far enough away, I think you can use distance as an excuse not to go. And if you know that the invitees will be judgy wudgy, that makes it even LESS exciting. It may hurt the MTB's feelings if you don't go, but in the end you need to weigh that against how you will feel if you do and how you will feel if you don't. If you would feel guilty not going, then go and endure. Or come out on the offensive, and have a comment on hand for when you're asked why you're not pregnant yet. ("We'd rather have an aquarius, so we're waiting a bit." etc)
If you wouldn't feel guilty at all, then I say send a gift and a nice card and don't go. You shouldn't have to put up with rude people for the sake of your SIL. Talk to her about it, she may understand where you're coming from!
normally i would just say to skip it but since it's your sil, you should suck it up, slap on a smile and have fun for a couple hours. it's one thing to bow out for someone you're not close to but for family, you really gotta do it even if you don't want to. i'm sure they'll appreciate it.
@mrsdg, yes! i've been to two co-ed baby showers, one for my boss and his wife[they had the booze for the non preggers folks] and one for friends of mine [i believe they also had the booze for the non-preggers]. the first one had the feel of a cocktail party, though they did do the gift thing but that was fun since the boss opened it and, well, lets just say it's VERY amusing to see your boss modeling the latest in baby bags. there were games at the second one [it was a bbq picnic] but they only did one with the entire group. they gave the option for those who wanted to play another one to do so in another area of the picnic area. both times it just felt like a regular fun grown-up party.
i had so much fun, that i told my bestie that when she got pregnant, she HAD to have a coed party like that. lol. i totally am when it's my turn!
I love the concept of showers (women coming together to celebrate a milestone of another woman), but I have always disliked the games and other "traditional" things associated with them. I go to support my friend, participate in everything, and usually leave having had a decent time. I don't know. I guess I figure a couple of hours is fine. But, seeing as those involved are not people whose company you find enjoyable, I think you could find a way to send a nice gift/card and not attend. But I would check with your brother or SIL (if you and she are close) to make sure you aren't going to be stepping on toes by not attending. Good luck! And if you and your husband do decide to have a child, make sure the people who throw your shower know exactly what kind you want!! I love the co-ed BBQ and cocktails idea.
Tea- those parties sound like so much fun! You need to put a bug in the ears of my friends :)
MS- I'm such a Miranda when it comes to babies... but I've softened for sure :) It's hard to go from being the ultimate tomboy to mama, but I'm adjusting!
And Guitar- I'm sorry this is so hard for you... I hope that whatever you decide that there will be no regrets!
I hate baby showers too, and I've honestly skipped out on a few for friends because I didn't want to put up with baby talk while I was there. If it was a best friend though or family, I would probably just suck it up and go. This might be irrelevant, but I missed my best friend's baby shower and felt horrible about it, even though part of me absolutely did not want to go.
If the problem is the games, I would politely bow out of any that you find just plain embarrassing. I know that is the main reason I don't like attending. I don't want to get roped into a relay to change a diaper and I feel uncomfortable at the mere thought of trying to guess how big around the mother is, which is why that game is banned at my shower.
I have just started stating that I am sorry but I don't do baby showers. I do send a gift if I am invited, but I never go. If it were someone I was REALLY close to I MAY consider it, but not likely.
I hate talking about babies because so many believe that anyone who isn't a mom is less of a woman. Those of us who do not plan to have children get that sad knowing look like we will "learn better eventually" or that there just plan is something wrong with us as a woman.
I don't think you need to be sensitive to be bothered by people giving me a hard time about not being pregnant. It is incredibly rude. I have no wish to have children, but sometimes I wish I could burst into tears and run out of the room at the question. My brother and his wife tried a long time to get pregnant and had the "joy" of dealing with the "good-natured ribbing" at the fact that they hadn't had a baby yet. Gee, I'm sure THAT made them feel good. People didn't know, because really who's business was it?
I think it's perfectly fine to send a nice gift and apologize for not being able to make it. I would do that in your situation. I avoid baby showers at all cost anyway!
I think you should go because she is family, period. It's not unreasonable for family members to expect other family members to be supportive by just showing up, IMO. You have valid concerns, but sometimes you need to just ignore the criticisms, and be the better person, because overall its what's best. After all, it's only going to be a few hours of your time. And later in your niece/nephew's life, you might wish you had been involved and supportive from the beginning because that baby won't always be a baby!
I'm not doing a baby shower, I'm doing a "sip n see" after the baby is born, where we'll have a nice buffet, play NO cheesy baby games (because baby will already be here!), hopefully make some iron-on onesies for me to use, and instead of being warned how awful horrible not so great labor and having a newborn will be everyone will just say nice things and tell me how great the baby and I both look!
I would have dreaded a baby shower, but I'm really looking forward to the Sip n' See!
Well, you asked for opinions and I don't think you will like mine- there are certain things that you do for family and friends and showers are one of them.
Believe me, I hate, hate, hate showers of all kinds, but if the person (or person that they are married to, or siblings with) is important to me, I suck it up and go and at least look like I am having a good time (and usually I do end up having fun).
I understand feeling left out of the mommy club, but I think it is a little selfish to look for a way to get out of a shower for your SIL- this is something she will remember a long time from now. It is a party for her after all.
Think up diversion answers for those awkward questions that rude people ask, be a smart ass!
honestly, I have been far more bored by the wedding showers I have been to than the baby showers!! I would much rather talk about someone's new kid than wedding dresses and invitations :)
in any event, you should go. this is family, its your brother's kid. Its fine to skip out on all the others, but this one is important!
I hate baby showers. They are excruciating. I refused to have a shower with either of my daughters.
That being said, when someone I'm related to or close to does have one, I suck it up. Decide how important your relationship with the mother to be is, and go from there. It could be a character building experience for you.
I love the idea of a co-ed shower when husband & I get pregnant (bc there's no way I'm getting out of a shower this time). Honestly if I have to deal with all that, and NOT have a cocktail, husband better be there to listen to me bitch in his ear.
@Guitargirl--I am really seeing a trend in your threads lately. It makes me wonder if you are still trying to figure out where you stand on the issue of having kids and maybe this is making you a little over sensitive to other people's kid issues.
I think some of it is justified, ie people have no right to hassle you about when and if you are having children, but some of it might be a little unjustified. This is your SIL and your future niece/ nephew that you are talking about here. You owe it to them to be supportive of them, show up, and be happy for them.
I hope that you find a way to not let the children issue both you so much. It would be a shame to let a bad attitude ruin your future relationship with your niece/ nephew and then regret that later on.
I completely agree with derbybride!!
This is your neice or nephew, are you not at all excited about that? I do feel bad for you about being harrassed about having a baby, and honestly being selfish is a great reason for not having a baby (you want to live your life for now, and that is 100% ok). But in this situation, IMO you are being really selfish! this is not about you, this is about your SIL. but if you cant suck it up and try to have a good time, i would say dont go, you will ruin everyone elses time which is even more selfish
wow - so many thoughts.
Overall - since it's your SIL - I say suck it up and go. I'd think of some pat answers for any questions that are thrown your way that may have a little humor involved - and not get defensive. Families just love babies. When people used to ask me I'd say something like "Well we can't agree on whether we'd find out or keep the gender a seceret - so until we can come to a decision on that - no babies" (Which we STILL can't agree on!) or "We're not ready to stop being selfish yet" or "We've got some other goals planned first".
Or you could flat out be like 'You know it's up to hubby and I to decide when we're ready for that step and right now we're not. We'd really appreciate it if folks stopped bugging us. When we're ready - we'll have babies. Not now' :) And maybe you wouldn't have to deal with this everytime you are around them.
I'm not into showers either. I didn't have one for my wedding. I did do a lake weekend with my closest gals - but to me that wasn't a shower :) I'm trying to figure out how to 'not have a baby shower' but a couple of my friends have already said let us do 'something'. So I'm trying to figure out what that is. Maybe just another girls night with pedicures or something. (I don't have family local) I am ok with the 'sip n see' idea and will probably do that in my hometown so my family and all my mom's friends can meet the baby.
My friends did have an 'Ooo Baby Baby...' party a couple years ago. Co-Ed. In the evening. Really a cocktail party with 'baby' stuff around. They served punch out of a baby potty - which was hilarious! It totally fit their personality and was fun for everyone!! You'll laugh at the invite....
See this link: http://tinyurl.com/a6fwy (Things You Don't Expect to See on a Baby Shower Announcement.)
And then here's the text of the invite.....
In lieu of a standard baby shower, we'd like you to come raise a martini toast to celebrate the upcoming arrival of baby-chew(ette?) ...and more importantly, help us celebrate our waning days of irresponsibility and freedom (sniff - we'll miss you last-minute road trip! Good-bye 11 hours of sleep).
We'd also like to take a moment to set the expectations correctly: Don't expect young kids or diaper games, but be prepared for childish behavior and perhaps a FUN game or two. The more sausage the better, but we won't be serving dinner. In the spirit of birth, we considered clothing-optional hot tubbing as an activity, but decided our hot tub was too small, so you can leave your towels at home (sorry!). For directions, look at a map. We recommend this one: (removed) You're welcome to park in the driveway (stack cars), but please don't park on VA Street or in neighbors' parking pads. If you don't like Martinis or Beer, BYOB. Please RSVPeePee. Oh... and Stephanie, you're not invited, bitch.
(7 out of 10 ain't bad, huh? http://tinyurl.com/a6fwy)
I have noticed in a lot of these posts mentioning that the OP may regret not going later in life, or that the SIL will be crushed and remember this, etc. Do people really put that much stock in a 2 hour brunch-y party? Honestly, I would think that if the mom was on board with the shower (and not pressured into it), then she would really just want people there that were as excitable about babies. And if she did want huge numbers, does that just mean more presents? the OP is still going to send a gift. Win-win, no?
I personally was not sad to see no RSVPs to our wedding shower/engagement party thing - of course it would have been nice to see everyone, but it was hard enough giving the people there my individual attention. I would hope that the SIL wouldn't hold on to bad feelings b/c of attendence at a baby shower. One of possibly a few.
ETA: i reread this, and i think it could come off snarky but i didn't mean it that way. honestly wondering about others' attachments to these parties, because I'm not as sentimental I guess.
I think the distance is actually your best reason for not going. I would just send a gift!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 20 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 12 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
 sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
I keep getting invited to baby shower after baby shower, and the attitude of the last few I have gone to was that anyone who isn't a mom is less of a woman. Seriously! If it's someone I am not close to, I politely say that I have plans. My husband's friend's wife invited me (2 hours away) and I sent a gift but couldn't make myself drive 4 hours by myself to go. I am coming up on SIL's baby shower, and I would rather get a cavity filled than go- 1. everyone there will be baby-obsessed, 2. people giving me a hard time about not being pregnant (apparently I am selfish for not giving my soon-to-be niece or nephew a cousin yet. When I mention that we've only been married for 3 months, I am told that my SIL was pregnant by then, and why am I being so rude to say they got pregnant too quickly.) So what do I do here?