Post # 1
I keep getting invited to baby shower after baby shower, and the attitude of the last few I have gone to was that anyone who isn’t a mom is less of a woman. Seriously! If it’s someone I am not close to, I politely say that I have plans. My husband’s friend’s wife invited me (2 hours away) and I sent a gift but couldn’t make myself drive 4 hours by myself to go. I am coming up on SIL’s baby shower, and I would rather get a cavity filled than go- 1. everyone there will be baby-obsessed, 2. people giving me a hard time about not being pregnant (apparently I am selfish for not giving my soon-to-be niece or nephew a cousin yet. When I mention that we’ve only been married for 3 months, I am told that my SIL was pregnant by then, and why am I being so rude to say they got pregnant too quickly.) So what do I do here?
Post # 3
I absolutely hate baby showers. Grown women turn into mindless idiots consumed by thoughts of babies. It’s horrible. And the games even worse. But you have entered into a new family. And that means you make sacrifices for each other. I am sure your husband will at some point be going to one of your family events that he would rather be at some sports game with his friends. Suck it up and go. It’s only a couple hours of your time and I am sure your husband’s family would appreciate it.
Post # 4
Is it heresy if I say I hate baby showers too? I avoid them at all costs… I hate the games, the “oohing and ahhing” over little things, and the belly touching. I know I’m terrible, and now I’m faced with someone throwing me one.
I wonder if there has ever been a baby shower thrown that wasn’t all cheesy? Can there be a baby shower with booze (not for me, but for everyone else), with no talk of baby poop and no frilly baby stuff? That sounds ideal to me!
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle
Ha, I just went to two baby showers in the last week, and they were awesome. Both were nighttime co-ed cocktail parties with BBQ and then high-end homemade food. No baby rabbits or pastel colors in sight! 😉
Post # 6
I think baby showers are more practical than bridal showers, but they’re less fun (I don’t like bridal showers either). I would send a gift and an apology..
Post # 7
It seems like you are surrounded by a lot of people who love babies and maybe you’re being a little defensive? This is your second post in two days on the babies board about how much you hate being around people talking about babies. Obviously baby showers are going to involve a lot of talking about babies, but I don’t think that makes all the attendees baby obsessed. You have to understand that having a baby is a huge deal and will obviously preoccupy anyone undertaking the project. Also, baby showers are celebrations of, well, babies, so what else are people going to talk about while they’re there? Why do you hate talking about babies so much?
Obviously I’ve never been present when you’re around your in-laws, so I don’t know for sure, but are you sure they aren’t just joking around and maybe you’re taking it a bit too seriously? I do think that it would be rude to say that your SIL got pregnant too quickly– it’s really none of your business. But it’s also none of your family’s business what happens inside your uterus. Have you talked to your husband about how the things they say are making you feel?
I think one unfortunate reality of the society we live in is that after people are married, everyone assumes that the next logical step is to have children, and they often make insensitive comments or come off as pushy. Usually they have the best of intentions, though, and are just curious and want to see you happy. It’s totally fine to say that you don’t want children right now, but you don’t have to banish all baby talk whenever you’re around. Honestly, based on your last two posts, I think you might be being a little over sensitive.
Post # 8
Thanks for the posts! A few things I don’t think I made clear. This is my brother’s wife, not husband’s sister. I have never said they got pregnant too quickly- my family says that I am saying that when I say that I’m not pregnant since it is too soon for us after only 3 months. I know who the invite list is, and it’s not a healthy group of people. So when I already hate baby showers (except the cool ones described above- I just have never been invited to one like that), I especially don’t want to go to one with these people.
Post # 9
If I were you, I would just suck it up and go, especially since it’s a shower for a family member (no matter how you’re actually related). My fiance and I are childfree, and will remain that way. But I feel some sort of polite necessity to support others in their childbearing endeavors. Hopefully the food will be good and the games will be fun. Or, if you’re a drinker, you could pre-game and arrive somewhat tipsy
Post # 10
It sounds like you should watch a couple episodes of SATC!! The first episode you should watch is the one where Carrie loses her shoes at a baby shower or birthday party or whatever. Then she makes her friends buy her new shoes by registering for a wedding to herself. The other episode you should watch is the one where Miranda has a baby shower for Brady. You sound like a Miranda (you too DG!!). Don’t feel bad, not everyone likes baby showers!
I understand why you don’t want to go. If it’s far enough away, I think you can use distance as an excuse not to go. And if you know that the invitees will be judgy wudgy, that makes it even LESS exciting. It may hurt the MTB’s feelings if you don’t go, but in the end you need to weigh that against how you will feel if you do and how you will feel if you don’t. If you would feel guilty not going, then go and endure. Or come out on the offensive, and have a comment on hand for when you’re asked why you’re not pregnant yet. (“We’d rather have an aquarius, so we’re waiting a bit.” etc)
If you wouldn’t feel guilty at all, then I say send a gift and a nice card and don’t go. You shouldn’t have to put up with rude people for the sake of your SIL. Talk to her about it, she may understand where you’re coming from!
Post # 11
normally i would just say to skip it but since it’s your sil, you should suck it up, slap on a smile and have fun for a couple hours. it’s one thing to bow out for someone you’re not close to but for family, you really gotta do it even if you don’t want to. i’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
@mrsdg, yes! i’ve been to two co-ed baby showers, one for my boss and his wife[they had the booze for the non preggers folks] and one for friends of mine . the first one had the feel of a cocktail party, though they did do the gift thing but that was fun since the boss opened it and, well, lets just say it’s VERY amusing to see your boss modeling the latest in baby bags. there were games at the second one [it was a bbq picnic] but they only did one with the entire group. they gave the option for those who wanted to play another one to do so in another area of the picnic area. both times it just felt like a regular fun grown-up party.
i had so much fun, that i told my bestie that when she got pregnant, she HAD to have a coed party like that. lol. i totally am when it’s my turn!
Post # 12
I love the concept of showers (women coming together to celebrate a milestone of another woman), but I have always disliked the games and other “traditional” things associated with them. I go to support my friend, participate in everything, and usually leave having had a decent time. I don’t know. I guess I figure a couple of hours is fine. But, seeing as those involved are not people whose company you find enjoyable, I think you could find a way to send a nice gift/card and not attend. But I would check with your brother or SIL (if you and she are close) to make sure you aren’t going to be stepping on toes by not attending. Good luck! And if you and your husband do decide to have a child, make sure the people who throw your shower know exactly what kind you want!! I love the co-ed BBQ and cocktails idea.
Post # 13
Tea- those parties sound like so much fun! You need to put a bug in the ears of my friends 🙂
MS- I’m such a Miranda when it comes to babies… but I’ve softened for sure 🙂 It’s hard to go from being the ultimate tomboy to mama, but I’m adjusting!
And Guitar- I’m sorry this is so hard for you… I hope that whatever you decide that there will be no regrets!
Post # 14
I hate baby showers too, and I’ve honestly skipped out on a few for friends because I didn’t want to put up with baby talk while I was there. If it was a best friend though or family, I would probably just suck it up and go. This might be irrelevant, but I missed my best friend’s baby shower and felt horrible about it, even though part of me absolutely did not want to go.
If the problem is the games, I would politely bow out of any that you find just plain embarrassing. I know that is the main reason I don’t like attending. I don’t want to get roped into a relay to change a diaper and I feel uncomfortable at the mere thought of trying to guess how big around the mother is, which is why that game is banned at my shower.
Post # 15
I have just started stating that I am sorry but I don’t do baby showers. I do send a gift if I am invited, but I never go. If it were someone I was REALLY close to I MAY consider it, but not likely.
I hate talking about babies because so many believe that anyone who isn’t a mom is less of a woman. Those of us who do not plan to have children get that sad knowing look like we will “learn better eventually” or that there just plan is something wrong with us as a woman.
I don’t think you need to be sensitive to be bothered by people giving me a hard time about not being pregnant. It is incredibly rude. I have no wish to have children, but sometimes I wish I could burst into tears and run out of the room at the question. My brother and his wife tried a long time to get pregnant and had the “joy” of dealing with the “good-natured ribbing” at the fact that they hadn’t had a baby yet. Gee, I’m sure THAT made them feel good. People didn’t know, because really who’s business was it?
Post # 16
I think it’s perfectly fine to send a nice gift and apologize for not being able to make it. I would do that in your situation. I avoid baby showers at all cost anyway!