Anyone else have a date set before the proposal?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

For me personally, I probably wouldn’t set a date before the proposal because I feel it would take away the excitement of planning the wedding when we get engaged (which we are not yet). However, I probably WOULD plan ahead of the proposal if I was 100% certain it was coming and I wanted a specific venue/ceremony venue that was booked out years in advance like some are.

Sounds like exciting times ahead for you, best of luck x

Post # 3
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Yep! I think in these days of unique relationships and unusual dating stories, it’s not as uncommon as you might think. Fiancé-to-be and I were friends for a long time before we realized that we were in love. Once we did, we didn’t want to wait to be together, but some logistical things (different jobs, moving to a new city, etc) meant that we wanted to wait to be engaged until we were at least living together. Now he is apparently planning something specific for the proposal so it won’t be happening til closer to the end of the year. However, we decided to get married in May (5/10/15) and are having a destination wedding, so not only have we picked a date, but we’ve begun planning for it! I am a little disappointed that not everyone will be surprised when we get engaged, but it’s important to him to wait to propose a certain way (and it’s important to me that he is happy)

Post # 4
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

yeh, we did effectively. he was still holding back from marriage/wedding for various reasons and talking through those issues involved making some wedding decisions so that he would feel comfortable, one of which was finding a date when his distant family (with young, in-school kids) could come.

we then had a wonderful month before the proposal of this planning being our secret. one of the best months of our relationship, it was great fun! we enjoyed a month of effectively considering ourselves engaged with no wedding-pressure or decisions to make. just giggling whenever we thought about it and the fact no-one else knew.

Post # 5
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

I would like to get legally (on paper) married on our 10 year anniversary. The only problem with that is that it’s on a Sunday and the day before (Canadian) thanksgiving.<br /><br />I think it’s fine to unofficially pick a date before getting officially engaged, just don’t get too set on it in case it doesn’t pan out for that day.

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

loveisnotenough:  Yep! We’ve had the date set for a while (May 16, 2015!) and have been contacting vendors and booking venues since July. Due to the fact that I’m going back to school in America next August and my dearest is a Brit, we’ve been trying to plan everything wedding related around the visa application process (I have an EU passport so can stay in the UK indefinitely but he can’t come to America for more than 90 days). Fortunately, I don’t really care about or feel that I am “missing out” on the excitement of wedding planning after being formally engaged. I feel like I’m avoiding the stress by giving myself extra time to plan! Plus, now I know for sure that I’m getting everything (venue and vendor-wise) that I want. I consider us engaged and refer to my SO as my FI even without my ring on hand. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

loveisnotenough:  If you both agreed that you want to be married and are planning a wedding, you are already engaged! Congratulations and happy planning 

Post # 8
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We’ve talked about August and both really like 08.08.15 but no official planning or booking has happened. Luckily, we live in a state that doesn’t book out very early due to typically short engagements so hopefully the venue we choose will be available after the proposal. I feel weird about officially planning before actually being engaged As my family is very traditional. 

Post # 9
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We have planned the whole wedding before engagement – tickets and hotel were booked, dresses were bought, date (of course) was officially set.. We started planning right after buying the rings (e-ring and wedding bands, we went to buy them all in one day).

Post # 10
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I should add, that we went ring shopping in July, and both wanted to get married in October.. So, actually, we have no time to wait))

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Caroline Cellars Winery

I agree with Bridey77. If you know you’re going to get married and have already started the planning,  then you’re engaged. We set the date and started the planning. He was just waiting for his bonus to get the ring. When I got the ring, people finally started congratulating me. Frankly, I was offended that a ring was more proof to them than our commitment. 

Post # 12
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I think wether or not you consider yourself engaged is a personal decision, honestly. For some people that means before a ring, for others it means after. But OP, I’m definitely in your boat! BF and I have decided on the time of January 2016 for our wedding (not set date yet since obviously things are still in the very early planning stages), and we’ve already looked up and discussed tons of weddings things, purchased some things and have been in contact with a planner at our chosen venue for a few weeks now. But, he still hasn’t officially proposed! I know it won’t be until October, but when exactly is a surprise. So despite everything we’ve already gathered together, I personally won’t consider us officially engaged until he presents the ring.

Post # 13
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

my fiance did an “informal” proposalat first without a ring..we were just in his jeep and he said “hey wanna get married?”. It was so casual and I said yes. He wanted to do the “proper” proposal with a ring and that came 2 years later (we had some money issues). I was calling him my fiance from that day on (though a lot of other would only call him my bf because I didn’t have a ring-so frustrating). We had a date set and started planning basic stuff. Once he “officially/formally” proposed in May we really started hustling with wedding planning, as the wedding is May 2015.

liameowchelle:  We have the same wedding date! Yay!

Post # 14
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

loveisnotenough:  Yep! We just up and decided it was time, set the date, booked the venue and photographer all before I had a ring and official proposal. We had been together 7 yrs by that time and had been talking about it for years, and finally had the time & $$. I told him I still wanted a real proposal so I would never doubt in say 10, 20 yrs that he just went along with it to make me happy or didn’t see an out. I told him I wanted the proposal so I would know 100% it was what he wanted too. I did consider us engaged though once we set a date depsite not having a ring… 

I agree with PP that I was also kind of angry that once he got the ring everyone was all excited & congratulatory when they had known for 3-5 months before hand we were engaged and planning the wedding… 

Post # 15
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Siesta Key Beach

TheFutureMrsChesney:  date twins 🙂 5/10/15 also and also a destination wedding and also set the date before the official proposal. It felt like I was reading my own story when I read your response haha.

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