(Closed) Anyone else have a head case for a mother?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@definitelymaybe:  Hands up! Me!

I could have posted most of what you did.  My mother isn’t a pathalogical liar, but the rest, including the holier-than-thou Christian on the surface bit, is near enough the same.

She’s been incredibly bitter since she split with my father 24 years ago.  Even more bitter now than the day it happened.  She’s made absolutely no effort to move past it. Hasn’t got a good word to say about ANYONE…

I’ve also reached the point where I can’t stand to be around her.  She’s toxic.  She needs serious help.  I deliberately live on the other side of the world from her.  My brothers and myself have also vowed to be nothing like her…

It’s bloody sad.  I don’t like her, I don’t love her.  Anything I do is from what’s left of my sense of duty.  I don’t have any real advice, but know you are not alone.

Post # 5
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I do!  Ugh.  My mom is a real piece of work.  She’s a complete narcissist. If she doesn’t get what she wants, she’ll cry.  If she’s not the center of attention, she makes it so she is.  And she has zero notion of the fact that I’ve totally embraced DH’s family as my own, and that DH and I our equals. She can’t figure out while if DH doesn’t want something, I just don’t do it anyways.

Oh yeah, and she called me at 10 in the morning the day after my wedding and was upset when I didn’t answer.  Umm.. I was kinda busy.  

Post # 7
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@definitelymaybe:  I talk to her about every couple of months or so.  She doesn’t have my mobile number, and even if she did, the cost of texting internationally would put her off.  One of the many advantages of living 12 hours away…

Unfortunately, having such a crap relationship with my own mother means that I don’t understand how close FI is to his mother.  I know that their relationship is more the normal type, but I find it creepy and clingy…and that’s my problem, because to me, a parent showing affection is weird.  

Post # 8
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@definitelymaybe: my mom suffers from depression and most likely bi polar disorder.  She refuses help, therapy or medication.  She is constantly worried that people are talking about her, or she is totally over sensitive and can’t even take a silly joke.  She is overly obsessed with spending time with my daughter, as though it’s normal for a grandma to see their grandchild a few times week (which when you’re divorced with shared custody is ridiculous beyond means).

For as long as I can remember, I have felt like the mother and she is the child. She can’t do anything for herself, including change a lightbulb.  I am totally the opposite and could change the oil in your car!

@Baal: I also had problems with my husbands family relationship, because I thought it was BIZARRE to have a mom who acted like a mom.  I just felt like she was always overbearing, but really she’s probably normal – something I know nothing about.

It took a few years for me to realize that she just loved her son, and that’s how normal mothers act.  It’s really hard to get used to, but it’s also interesting to be weirded out and jealous at the same time.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@definitelymaybe:  

 

My mother is an abusive, materialistic and controlling person.

 

She is trying to be nice to me now, after years of treating me like garbage. My mom feels guilty and regrets some of the things she did as I was growing up. I did not have my mother at my wedding because she was too rude and insulting when I told her that I did not want a huge wedding. She just wanted to look rich and show off; she tried to make my wedding all about her so my husband and I eloped. When we did that, she turned the whole family against me and none of them would speak to me for a year.

 

I keep my mother at an arm’s length. I don’t tell her anything too personal, not even when she peppers me with questions. I refuse to go out with her privately like she asks or take mother-daughter trips. We just don’t have that kind of relationship and I don’t feel close to her at all. I have learned not to go to my mother with any emotional pains I have, because she will just say “Well, that wouldn’t bother ME.” I have other older women that I can go to with any problems I have.

 

Now my mother finally respects my emotional space. She refrains from commenting on my appearance unless it is positive. She also apologized for being a bitch during my wedding planning and my mother has agreed not to try to control my vow renewal. I think that asserting my boundaries has paid off. I am very close to my father and she doesn’t like it when my father tells her to leave me alone, so my mother behaves.

I don’t have a lot of respect for my mother, because she tries to portray herself as this tough woman, yet she puts up with so much nonsense from my dad. She is not an empowered or educated woman at all.

 

Post # 12
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@definitelymaybe:  agreed.   Another thing she’s been doing over the last year or so is invent this crazy idea that we spend ALL of our time with his parents and none with her.  In reality, we see her more often.  It just happens to be that when she calls me on a Saturday to ask what I’m doing, it’s his grandparents 50th anniversary so we’re at a party.  That automatically means – we spend every single weekend with his family. 

Not even close to true.  Finally I lost it, I sent her a massive text with a list of all the times we have seen his famiy this entire year, and why.  None of these times were just for fun, they were all bday’s, anniversaries or house warming.  She finally stopped.  But that was only a few weeks ago, so we’ll see how long that DOESN’T last.

She has actually spent more time at our home than his parents, but she is delusional and just wants to feel sorry for herself.

Post # 13
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

My mother is severely and mentally ill. She hated me the minute she found out I was a girl. She was emotionally abuse my whole life then thankfully my parents divorced when I was 14. She has had her fair share of electroshock therapy. The damage was done. I’ve tried making a relationship with her but she is entirely abusive. I haven’t spoken to her in a few years now. I look forward to her death so I can find peace.

I’m so lucky to have a great future Mother In Law and a wonderful Step Mother, My SM didn’t come til I was grown though so she doesn’t replace the mother daughter relationship.

Post # 15
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My mother was a great mother and we had a great relationship.  There was only one flaw: she committed suicide.

Post # 16
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@definitelymaybe:  

My husband and I are not having children. I know that my upbringing is part of the reason I made that choice.

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