Post # 1
I see so many women post on the hive about how their FH is always wanting sex when they don’t, but I have the complete opposite problem! FH hardly ever wants sex!
We have a lot of stress in our lives (both wedding and non-wedding related) and it affects FH’s sex drive immensely. Recently, due to work schedule conflictions and his low drive, I realized it’d actually been a month since we’d had sex! I broke down in tears over it and FH was quick to correct this and we had a higher-than-normal amount of sex for a week after, but now it’s started to go back to normal.
FH feels bad about it, but still can’t get the urge to have sex more than 2-4 times every month, while I would rather be having it 2-3 times a week.
I was just wanting a little commiseration I suppose, since I can’t be the only one with this problem!
Post # 3
I feel your pain. But remember this…… Sex drive is truly different for EVERYONE. While I know that that does not make it better, it is true. Ask yourself this, are you initiating sex or are you just waiting for him? If you are interested in having sex more frequently go after what you want. HTH, cause it works for me.
Post # 4
@acciotoni: Nope. You are not alone. FI and I got in a fight about it last night. I told him that I was starting to get concerned because he very rarely initiates anymore. He bounced back with the fact that we had great sex last week but I said “You’re missing the point- it’s always me that initiates it.”
How old is your FI? Mine is 38 and sometimes blames it on his age. I would like sex 3-4 times a week (like you!) and to feel lusted after once in awhile!
Post # 5
@rubybride718: We’ve had that fight quite often. FH rarely initiates, it’s always me, and sometimes it gets to the point where he laughs off my advances or gets annoyed at me for asking.
Example: (warning: whiny exaggerations abound)
me: “wanna have sex?”
fh: “lol no”
me: “wanna get nasty?”
fh: “sorry I’m tired/full/hungry/sore/have a headache”
two days later
me: *walks in with lingerie or something*
fh: “lol nice try”
I’ve just learned to accept that we won’t have sex as much as I would prefer, or at least not until some of the stress in our lives dissipates, and enjoy what sex we do have and not hold it against him.
My FH is 22, so definitely not an age-related thing 😉
Post # 6
Omg ugh I feel the same way sometimes. It really frusrates me! My SO is only 30 and i’m 27 we should be getting it on multiple times a week lol. I think we have a healthy sex life but i’m definitely the one who wants more nookie lol. I know we can both be stressed out at times but sex is great stress reliever! Sometimes i wish my sex drive wasn’t so high.
Post # 7
i woud definately like it more… i want him to initiate… but he works long hours and is perfectly content with only once a week. so yea. its whatever
Post # 8
Oh, I feel your pain.
DH only ever initiates in his sleep and my moves consist of “”Wanna do it?”.. Romance = Dead.
Post # 9
I was a sufferer of this issue until I started taking anti-depressants… problem solved. But I remember how annoying it was to feel rejected all the time. It sucks.
Post # 10
Glad I’m not the only one!! Definitely makes it easier to handle knowing there are other women in the same boat.
@StuporDuck: Dealing with the feelings of rejection is the absolute hardest for me. I’ve told him how getting turned down for sex makes me feel like he doesn’t want me or that he’s upset with me and he’s assured me multiple times that it’s not the case at all, but I can’t help it!
We took the Love Languages quiz and my language is Touch, which makes it even harder.
Post # 11
I feel your pain exactly. I always want it and am trying to initiate it and he never seems to want it and never initiates it. He never seems interested, even when I’m willing to do all of the work. He says he is attracted to me (I’m 10 years younger and I am fairly attractive). The rejection is extremely painful and I’m not sure what to do about it. If you find a solution, please share!
Post # 12
i have a higher sex drive thna my fi, and it means im always trying to initiate and he’ll often say no =S
it was worse when he had a really stressful job,then it could be twice a month, so its a improvement now but i really wish we were doing it more. theres nothign less sexy than being pressured for sex, but i swear im tempted to whine about it “come on, why arent you in the mood! i am, i am”. but i dont. well, yet. haha
he asked me why there arent as many BJs as there were in the beginning, but its like…if we’re only going to do something sexual once a week (and then he;ll be satisifed until the next week) i kind of want to save that for something we can both enjoy. i guess thats selfish but still, id ideally be doing it 3+ times a week so once or less is frustrating to me
Post # 13
@newname_99: lol i totally agree with the BJ thing. I’m afraid if I give him one then he’ll be good to go on even LONGER without sex while I’m the one who is suffering lol. Why can he get a BJ and i’m left with nothing ugh!
Post # 14
Yeah I am always the initiator, my husband, while being very masculine in most respects, for some strange reason doesnt have much of a sex drive, even though he very obviously gets turned on a lot, he seems to think sex is a hassle. He has OCD and is very fastidious, and has to clean up a lot when we are done, so he cant be spontaneous about it. Its frustrating, but something I hope will improve eventually.
Post # 15
We haven’t really had sex since we got engaged….sporadic, here and there and now it’s just fizzled out….to maybe once a month.
I have to get angry before he’ll do anything and then it’s just sad….he hates everything about sex.
It’s an awful feeling to be constantly rejected.
Post # 16
Yup, DH is totally fine with the 2-4x/month that we’ve been at for the past two years, but I would love 2-4x/week 🙂 I used to feel rejected, but now I realize that it’s not realistic – I don’t even know if I have the energy for that much sex!