Post # 1
My fiance and I have been looking at the guestlist, and I’m really struggling with my family (this is prior to asking for my parents’ input, which would probably be close to double my current list!). My mum’s side of the family, luckily, are all argumentative people who don’t keep in touch with each other at all. Dad’s side, on the other hand…well, dad’s family still keep in regular contact with his cousins’ childhood friends, and every single family member ever born!!
Don’t get me wrong, I love having such a big family that is so well connected. I’ve heard some horror stories about family members not getting along and I love that I can get in a room with 80+ people (one branch of the family!), that I haven’t seen for years, and it’s like we’re old friends and we immediately connect. Heck, a few months ago I met a cousin that I hadn’t seen since I was six years old and spent a good two hours hanging out and meeting his wife and kids.
BUT…my dad’s family keeps in touch with EVERYONE! I honestly thought my dad’s cousin’s childhood neighbours were family because we saw them so often (despite them living on the other side of the state). And every single member of the family is so nice, fun and easy to get along with (unheard of, I know!), so it’s nearly impossible to trim the list to a manageable number!
Has anyone else had a similar issue? Amidst all the complaints about evil family members, surely there’s someone else who has a family that is too good?
Post # 3
My family is not too good, per say, but there are a lot of them (I have 26.5 FIRST cousins that are blood related…the .5 is because one of my aunts is pregnant again lol). So trying to figure out a guest list will be hard when SO and I get hitched, however since most of my cousins are younger we’ve talked about having an adults only wedding. This significantly cuts down on the guest list for us, maybe that would be possible for you?
Post # 4
yes! my dad has 15 brothers and sisters. my mom is 1 of 5, so not too big, but she has a ton of cousins. my portion of the guest list is around 150 and that’s not even everyone. it’s so hard because we’re all so close. but we’re not inviting most kids and cousins/aunts/uncles who i don’t see often aren’t invited either. it was harder for me to cut people from my mom’s side, because i’m much closer to them. my dad’s side was a bit easier.
my fiance has 7 brothers and sisters and they all have families of their own. his portion of the guest list is under 100 mostly because we’re only inviting his dad’s side of the family. his mom’s family all live in mexico.
Post # 5
@FutureMrsJohnson_: Thanks for the input! I did briefly consider an adults-only wedding, but it just won’t work for me. Firstly, I love my young cousins too much and I’d be devastated if the younger ones couldn’t come; secondly, fiance’s family is relatively small, so a good portion of his guestlist is children. Besides, kids are so much fun at a wedding! Especially my little cousins on the dancefloor!
Your family sounds huge! I’ve got 26 first cousins, but I’m unfortunately one of the last to get married, so the majority of my first cousins have little cousins now! My poor fiance was blown away at the numbers last time we had a party!
Post # 6
@lilchicana: Oh, I feel your pain!! It’s so hard to try and cut back on guests when there’s so many people that ‘should’ be invited. I almost envy you the fact that your fiance’s mom’s family are in Mexico – must be so easy to not invite them/expect them not to come that way!
I’ve managed to cap my side of the family at 120, but every now and then, I look at it and think I really should invite uncle so-and-so (plus his wife and kids), then I have that little argument in my head “I haven’t seen him for 10 years.” “Yeah, but he’s so fun and easy to get along with, so it’s not difficult to reconnect even after 10 years.” “But is a wedding really the best time to ‘catch up’?” “Come on, he’d be thrilled to be invited. Remember how he put you and your brother up when you had to get evacuated because of the bushfires? And his wife did your makeup for your highschool graduation and treated you like her own daughter while you were living with them?” “Yeah…but…10 years…oh, alright then! Fiance, we’ve got an extra six people on the guestlist!”
Then the voice starts again… “You know uncle so-and-so has a sister that’s also pretty close…?”
Post # 7
I have a huge family and DH has a iny family. My dad is one of 13 and mum is one of 5 and I have 56 first cousins on my dads side. But my dads family is pretty down to earth inregards to big events and there is a general aunts and uncles only invite which helps to cut down the invite list (24 vs 136).
We cut down further by having a destination wedding- as we knew that a few just wouldn;t come 🙂
Post # 8
@LadyElva: I feel your pain! I know my little boy cousins wouldn’t really care but my little girl cousins would absolutely LOVE to come. It’s a hard decision but we’ll be paying for most of it ourselves, so it really just comes down to how much you’re willing to spend :/ Good luck! I know I’m not looking forward to coming up with the actual guest list lol
@j_jaye: And I thought I had a big family…lol
Post # 9
I have a large family, as well. Well over 100 people just on my dad’s side. I invited only aunts and uncles (along with any children still living at home, which wasn’t many) and of the cousins, I only invited the ones I am close to and keep in touch with regularly, along with their children. I ended up inviting 80 people in total.
However, that may have been a mistake, because with only about a month til the wedding, I have just 28 “yes” RSVPs. 🙁
Post # 10
My grandma has 12 brothers and sisters and we are very close with almost all of our relatives. We had a ‘small’ anniversary party for my parents this past fall and invited 75 people from my mom’s family (we stay in contact with all of them and see them at least 5-6 times a year for long weekends and holidays, even though they live on the other side of the state). That number doesn’t even figure in the relatives that we don’t see as often, but would still come to the wedding. I love my family and wouldn’t dream of excluding them!
Post # 11
I hear you!! There went my dreams of an intimate wedding! But I really do love being surrounded by so many people that love me, so I’m excited. Bring it on!
Post # 12
OMG, YES! My mother’s “immediate” side alone is 75+! (This includes her sisters, their spouses, their kids, their kids’ kids…) Daddy’s side is about the same and I’m close with EVERYBODY and there’s no paring down the GL on either side (but a lot are out of country so that saves on meals!). Poor DH only has, like, 12 living relatives. But he’s American and I noticed the average american family isn’t quite…um, as big as mine….
Post # 13
I am the oldest of ten. My mother is the oldest of 8, and my grandmother is the oldest of 14. From my grandmother there are 96 descendants. I am close to all of my cousins, second cousins and third cousins along with aunts and uncles. FI and I decided that even though we could afford a big wedding we wanted to have something small so we could have a bigger honeymoon. Also because we are military and our schedules are ever changing we dont have alot of us time so the honeymoon was very important to us. After alot of discussion with our families, our families agreed that we would just have siblings and our parents. His grand parents have passed away and my grandmother is not well enough to travel. So it worked out however grandma will get a wedding video. Also six months after the wedding FI’s parents and two siblings will travel to my hometown to have a huge celebration with my family.
Post # 14
I feel for you. I am one of 6, my mom is one of 7, dad is one of 5. My FI’s mom is one of 7. Just immediate family aunts, uncles and cousins is over 100 ppl. its crazy. Idk if we are going to invite everyone.