(Closed) Anyone else have a melancholy proposal?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our proposal was very quiet and nothing big or flashy like others.  I didn’t cry either, and initially I thought about all the potential things he could have done to propose in a big way.  But then I realized that if he did it on a big screen at a sporting event, or in front of a huge crowd of people or anything else, I probably would have been more embarrassed instead.  So I’m actually glad it was just us, because that’s all that matters – you and the person you’re spending your life with.  My finacee was sitting next to me on the bed when he asked, and sort of got down on a knee after the fact, but he had already asked by then so it was definitely no movie-worthy moment.  

Since I was completely caught off guard by it, though, I don’t really remember everything he was saying at the time.  So now I randomly take off my ring at times and hand it to him and ask him to re-propose… sometimes at home, at the grocery store, wherever we happen to be.  It’s kind of funny now and we have fun with it  Smile

Post # 4
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry. This is one of the most important moments in a womans life and we want to remember it as something special. I think you should talk with him!

Post # 5
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

YES!! I agree, I KNOW it shouldn’t matter. The fact is he FINALLY asked, but I can’t help to feel jealous when I hear/read about other girls and their wonderful proposals.

Without going into the long details…I didn’t even know I was being proposed to. That’s how unromantic it was. LOL. But it’s okay, it was a long time coming, I’d known about the ring for EIGHT months at that point.

EDIT: I have talked to my Fiance about this. He feels bad, but the main problem was he planned a proposal he and his family would have wanted. The original proposal was he was going to do it during a family dinner at our house with them there… NOT what I had dreamed of my whole life. But anyway…he does feel bad, but there’s no turning back time now.

Post # 6
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t tell him. To your questions though, yes and yes. My fiance knows his proposal was less than stellar and I hate sharing the story. But after months of being enaged I’ve learned….. it really doesn’t matter. 

 Yeah, it could make for a funnyh or cute story to tell your kids someday but if it’s not over the top, it’s no big deal. 

Take it from someone who’s been in your shoes and has gotten to the other side of that months later. With my wedding so close I pretty much have forgotten the proposal and probably would have even if it was awesome new and exciting to share. The proposal is just one short moment in the flash of a thousand stars of bright lights in your future with your FH now. Your wedding will be another big moment, so will your honeymoon, having children, etc. You really have nothing to gain by looking at the past now, but I understand how it hurts seeing as it’s so recent. 

 My main point, there are SO many big and exciting and wayyy more romantic moments ahead of you than just your proposal…. I think once I realized this and realized the only thing that mattered was that we were getting married, I began to feel better and move on and now look forward to the future together more than anything else right now. 

Congrats on your engagement and I hope the wedding planning goes smoothly! 


Edit: I said not to tell your FH but leave that totally up to you. I’m just saying this because my FH found out I was miserable about his proposal and felt terrible about it for weeks (still does at times). Chances are if it’s not over the top anyway a guy will feel guilty about it because most guys know its supposed to be this grand moment for you both. I’d just encourage you not to let him find out, maybe later but not right now. You don’t need to add more stress to your relationship. 

Post # 7
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We had a rather odd proposal…basically he proposed in the bathroom (in front of the toilet)…which is odd right?  LOL πŸ™‚  He wrote will you marry me in the steam on the glass, asked me to read it, and was like well?  But honestly, I loved it.  It bothered me at first, but then it was like you know we’re such awkward stay at home to ourselves people that it would have been out of character and wouldn’t have been a surprise had he done it any other way.

Post # 8
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand! He said to me in bed one night, “So… I think we should start talking about the wedding”. We’d been talking about getting married, so basically my proposal was just a green light to start planning! No ring, no romantic gesture.

He did get down on one knee and ask me to marry him when he got my ring, but that was about a month before the actual wedding.

BUT! You’re getting married! That is the most important part! 

Post # 9
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sorry to hear that, that’s a bummer. But try to look at it from a positive point of view, like we’re so comfortable and casual with each other that he just couldn’t wait to plan something fancy and wanted to ask me right away! Did he have the ring? 

Post # 10
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2022

Mine wasnt all crazy either. we were in PR with his family and we went to dinner and he asked me after we finished eating nothing spectacular, but it was JUST LIKE HIM so it was wonderful

Post # 11
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

In time, I think you will come to like or even love your proposal.  It may become inherently ‘you’ or lovingly nostalgic πŸ™‚

I’m not in love with mine, either.  He propsed on the top of the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier, which may seem nice, but I think it’s kind of corny- and totally out of the blue character-wise for him!  I also kind of expected it, due to seeds planted in my head by coworkers that day.  Even he’s not that happy with it, but he was so nervous and anxious, and I think you have to take that into account.  Later on he was like, “I wanted to propose on the top of a building or do something really awesome, but I just couldn’t think!’  

So, focus on the fact that he asked you to marry him πŸ™‚  You were at home, with the man you love, and he asked πŸ™‚

Post # 12
24 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t say a thing. I know it is important to us as women. But try to see it from his point of view. He is will CRUSHED that he dropped the ball and it still won’t change what happened.

One problem in our society, I believe, is that as women we are told (from birth) that everything should be PERFECT and when it’s not, we get super disappointed, upset, angry, resentful, doubtful, etc. This may be good preparation for life as the wedding day won’t be exactly perfect either (things will go wrong) and married life won’t be a skip though flowers all the time.

This website is super helpful but it also lends itself to women comparing their relationships, proposals, and weddings to others. Even women who had amazing, earth shattering proposals still have disagreements with their men, still have bad hair days, and still worry that their wedding day won’t be perfect.

You feel better about it by changing your inner dilogue with yourself. Everytime you hear about how perfect someone else’s life is, realize it probably isn’t. Everytime you find yourself resentful towards your FH, think about something you love about him. Journal. Write down all your disappointments, fears, and feelings and then in a calm way, refute them back to yourself. It sounds crazy but it helps. If you change the way you view your proposal, your feelings will follow and then you will be able to enjoy the time you have now because it goes by super fast.

Post # 13
335 posts
Helper bee

Okay I will tell you a few of my girlfriend’s proposal stories and hopefully you’ll feel a little better.

My friend and her then-fiance (we’ll call them S&B) went apple picking in the morning which would have been a nice opportunity to propose, but B decided he would do it while the two of them were in the shower later on that evening. He got out of the shower, retrieved the ring and their dog (so the dog could witness??) and proposed to S in the bathroom, where she was sopping wet and still in the shower. It was a spur-of-the-moment act and it totally threw her off -she was NOT thrilled.

Another girlfriend of mine K, (whose DH is related to aforementioned ‘B’) was proposed to by her man J in B’s driveway. He was like hey do you want to marry me and here’s a ring. LOL.

The good news is that K and J have been together over 10 years and married for 10. And S and B are going on 2 years of marriage. And they can laugh about the proposal stories now.

Post # 14
335 posts
Helper bee

*sorry-meant to say K and J have been married for 5years and together over 10 years.

Post # 15
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@loakey: I don’t seem to get it… You keep repeating your proposal was “weak” and that you envy the other bees their proposal stories… But have you ever noticed how many of those stories are almost identical to yours?!

I think your proposal was lovely! In fact it is my dream proposal πŸ˜‰ I don’t wish to be proposed in front of a crowd, on a beach, in some highly constructed and long-prepared manner… I just want my Boyfriend or Best Friend to be a cuddle away and I do not care what either of us will (or won’t ;)) be wearing.

Why should crying define the quality of your proposal? Isn’t laughing a lot better? πŸ˜‰ I dread the moment as much as I am looking forward to it – if I do not bawl my eyes out it will be a miracle but I would welcome it πŸ™‚

What I am trying to say is very similar to what @ShaunaBrege: said – life is not perfect, people are not perfect and nothing ever goes exactly as planned – but somehow people still expect perfection and feel bad when they don’t get/give it. I say forget perfection and embrace life as it is – you said it yourself – in the end it is about you and your Fiance being together πŸ™‚

Post # 16
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Mine was less than thrilling I guess, but I loved it πŸ™‚ honestly, I don’t know if I want him to propose again. My ring still isn’t in (trying to not be too impatient – and ha, so not working), so he didn’t have it. It was just something in the moment, and he has apologized about 80 times for not having the ring and not doing it “right”. So, for him, he was disappointed and wants to do it again. I was just like, “NOT AT A PUBLIC EVENT”

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