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They haven't met yet, but they have entirely different personalities... I'm not sure they're going to get along, but its only one day. It will be a very very rare occasion that they see each other. Why it is causing such a problem?
Well, my FMIL called me to say that she's hurt because she isn't involved with planning my bridal shower. When I told my mom that my FMIL would be happy to help with anything, she said that she can't stand her and I should be happy that she's being civil. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle and I don't know how to make everyone happy!
I don't want to say my mom doesn't like my MIL- but I don't think she's real fond of her either. My mom's polite, your mother and MIL should be adult enough to tolerate each other.
My mom really dislikes my FMIL, mostly b'cuz she knows exactly how crazy she is. But she's still very polite and cordial. My FMIL doesn't necessarily dislike my mom... it's more like she's extremely jealous of her, and this insecurity comes out as passive-aggressive insults.
The first time our families met my FMIL had a sourpuss face the entire time, and she ended up saying things that offended my entire family. She later tried to blame it on unrelated things, but what does that have to do with the fact that you couldn't be mature enough to act like a real adult?? My family loves FH enough to blow it off, but I keep them away from my FMIL now. If she ever remotely says anything offensive about my mom, I've already warned FH that I'll be punching his mother in the face. I don't play nice (get it from my father's side lol).
@marissa227: You should just tell your mom to suck it up, and that you aren't supposed to be involved in your shower. Your FMIL should be there, and she wants to help, so tell your mother to give her something to do. They shouldn't have involved you in this. If you can think of something cute for FMIL to do, just give it to her. Ask her to make cupcakes? Favors?
Mine met like handful of times if that. They have 0 in common, just like I have 0 in common with MIL. When they have been in each other's presence, they talk very little as well, there's nothing to talk about lol. I'm pretty sure my mother don't personally care for her as I did go back and tell her a few things my MIL did and I would bet since my MIL thinks she's above everyone, she feels the same way about my mother. Being civil shouldn't be that hard. Hi, bye, simple small talk then they can go their seperate ways.
They don't argue, but I know my mom says things about FMIL which show she doesnt think she is the brightest or approve of some things she does/acts. I suspect FMIL probably feels the same.
They are not in any danger of being best friends. They are just too different.
My mom and MIL are fine together. I would tell your mom that you appreciate her being civil, but that this is a very special and important time for both families involved and faking a little cheer would really mean a lot to you. As another poster said, even simply handing over a few of the shower decor choices or asking MIL to make some goodies is not too much for your mom to give up, and doesn't require much collaboration between the two.
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Does anyone else have a mother and future mother-in-law that don't get along? How are you dealing with it? I am feeling super stressed out and would love some advice!