Anyone else have a terrible MIL?

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you like your MIL?
    I love her to pieces! : (111 votes)
    34 %
    No, but I try my best for my FI sake. : (107 votes)
    33 %
    Somewhere in the middle. : (109 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1775 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Not me, but one of my best friends is dating someone with a horrid mother. She literallyl steals from her kid.

     

    As long as he’s on your side I think you should be ok.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

    My MIL is easily the most wonderful woman I know, and is part of the reason I want to marry my boy!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I love her, but sometimes when she comes over she tries to micromanage things so I voted for somewhere in between. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    We have an up and down relationship. We used to be fairly close.. and then a lot of family drama happened and she said some things that really pissed me off/hurt me and my fiance. We barely spoke to her (or the rest of the family) for about a year. Things still aren’t peachy and I know the relationship will always be strained but we try and be civil and visit from time to time (We live in the same town, so its kind of hard to avoid them).

    Post # 7
    Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @javamonkey:  Well, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been married for 6 months, I deeply love my husband and feel like the luckiest woman in the world for having him, but I also have some problems in relating with my MIL and my two sisters in law (as if one mother in law isn’t enough already). They’re two-faced and keep gossiping and sneaking behind my back.  I think they’re jealous or something similar. As long as you feel happy with your future husband I’d ignore them and avoid to come down to their low level…They’re probably unsatisfied with their lives and aren’t able to accept that others are happy.

    Post # 8
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I kind of see it as “you marry your husband, but be ready to put up with the family.” Which is almost the same, but for me there’s a critical difference between “you just have to handle his family” and “you decided that you can handle his family.” 

    As for me, I love so many things about my FMIL, and a couple of things just drive me nuts.  (So, not that much different from my feelings for my own mom, my sister, etc.)  As long as your FH is aware enough of his mom’s quirks (or awfulness, as the case may be) to sympathize with you, and has the balls to take your side when necessary, then you’ll be okay. 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @javamonkey:  I don’t really like mine either and she doesn’t like me either.  She is very controlling, she is a liar, and a hypocrite.  We are civil but that’s it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I try. I really do try..

    Post # 11
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @Stargaze31:  Mine’s exactly the same – I love her to bits, and she seems to love me, too, but when we visit her, or she visits us, she can be very controlling and try to micro-manage everything we do.

    Post # 12
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My FMIL should be burned at the stake… If I thought for a second I was “marrying the family, not just the man”, I’d walk out on FI so fast there’d be a Tibbs-shaped hole in the door.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    People say you marry the family, but you don’t have to believe it. I believe I am marrying my FI, not anyone else. I will always be part of my original family, my parents, siblings, etc. It would be neat if I had  great relationship with FI’s family but if it doesn’t happen, so what?  

    We are not joining two families together. I always hated that expression. We are two people making a commitment to each other, nothing more!

    Post # 14
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree!  My future MIL was the sweetest lady ever for the 6 years we dated. Once we got engaged & started planning the wedding she has done a complete turn and is now someone I would have never imagined. To top it off…. She presentEd me with “her guest list” it had 200 people on it!! I about fell in the floor! Half of them my FI has never even heard of! 

    Post # 15
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Fourtanetly right now my FI is fed up with her as well. So it’s easier on me.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1724 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    The “You marry into his family” stuff adds even more layers of drama to the whole thing. No wonder so many people panic at the altar – that’s a lot to sign up for!

    You just have to be clear with your fiance and husband. When can you back out of events, what will he do if so-and-so says X to you, etc.

    I see my in-laws about once or twice a month. It’s too much for me, to be honest. I’d be happy seeing them about once a season. Mostly because FI always wants to go to restaurants with them, and they find a way to embarrass you. FFIL is one of the rudest people I’ve ever seen, and FMIL isn’t far behind. They constantly nitpick what they are served, and FFIL is a jerk to people who don’t seem to telepathically know that he has dietary restrictions. 

    But, the times they’re invited over to our place, they either stay super late or they wind up sitting on the couch with FI and doing something on the laptop, and I’m left sitting there awkwardly. That happened a few months back. After about 10 minutes, I was like, “Well, clearly no one’s going to involve me…I’ll just go clean.” So I did! If they were upset, too bad. I told FI that I’m going to be conveniently gone when things like that happen again. I’m not crazy about being around my in-laws, and what’s the point if I’m going to be ignored for hours? So they can feel better about themselves or something? Stupid.

    My parents make the effort, every time, to involve FI. My dad and FI have a lot of similarities, so my dad will wind up searching for documentaries that he thinks FI will also like to watch when we visit. FI’s parents seem to tolerate me at best, throw out pepperings of compliments toward me when they feel they’re socially obligated, and otherwise blissfully ignore my existence.

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