Anyone else have an annoying roommate? (rant)

posted 3 years ago in Home
Post # 3
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beetee123:  All I can say is, I sympathize. I had some awful roommates in my late teens/early 20s too. It’s just a part of growing up for many people. I tend to favor direct, non-emotional discussions, maybe a twice monthly “house meeting” to make sure the place is staying clean and hygenic and that everyone is getting enough sleep. Its seems like a lot of your communication with this guy hasn’t been as direct as it could be. In your future conversations, don’t try to bring up his past errors, focus on saying, “In the future, can you please make sure to….and I will make sure to keep my dog out of your room (or whatever trivial thing you do that might annoy him).” As far as use of the common space, maybe your SO can ask for a weekly video game night if he finds it too uncomfortable to speak up and ask if he can play with your roommate has friends over. I do think it’s fair for your and your SO to do your own shopping, just be sure to label your food and keep track of it. If he borrows the occasional ingredient, it’s probably not worth the argument. If he’s chronically taking your food without asking, then ask him to contribute to the grocery bill again. As for him eating/keeping food in his room, well, if there are cleanliness issues with his room, then it will be his responsibility to pay for it. :/


I agree that there doesn’t seem to be a fair way to ask him to leave -although if you two start imposing stricter rules about cleanliness and use of the shared living room space, he might want to leave on his own!


Just think of how far that monthly $500 bucks can go once you and your SO have your own place! 


Next time he says something about how much you do, ask him nicely to do some jobs!


Post # 5
6467 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beetee123:  We also have a roommate, a female one. We live in house, so there is more space. I don’t really have cleaning or issues with her being loud. This is how we do it.

– She buys and cooks her own food. Since she doesn’t have a car, we all go together on grocery day which is every 10 days. This is the only chance she gets. I gave her a space in the refrigerator and pantry. We do not place anything of ours there. She needs to clean after herself and wipe counters. Sometimes, I must admit, she doesn’t do a great job, but I am ok with that.

– I let her clean her own bathroom. Since for the moment, it only the three of us, I don’t mind much about the condition of it. She cleans it sometimes.

– She rarely takes out the trash, but since we do not make a lot of trash, we can handle it. 

– She doesn’t clean the living room, etc. so I end up doing the common areas.

-She is allowed to bring guests, but since I have two cats, I asked her to tell me a day before hand, so I can take care of my cats, move them whatever.

My advice:

– Make him buy his own groceries and let him cook his own food. Otherwise, you will have to do this over and over. Budget for you guys only. Separate the food, etc.

– Ask him to throw out the trash at least once a week or depending how often you guys have to do it,

– I understand that since you guys have separate lease/or not, he may feel entiltled to do what he pleases. I find it rude that he and his friends a super loud to the point that you guys have to leave the living room. I would say restrict the hours and the number of friends that can come, but I am not sure that would work in your case.

Bottom line- if you guys are not happy with him around, ask him to leave. Give him a few months to find another place. Either he changes or leaves. Good luck!

P.S. I know the money is really nice and helps a lot. Right now I am debating whether this is worth more than having our complete privacy. We would like to start TTC soon, and let me tell you, it is not fun when you have someone next door.


Post # 6
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ugh I am so sorry!  Is there any light at the end of the tunnel?  Do you know when he’s leaving?

I thought I would make it out of college without ever having shitty roommates.  WRONG.  I had to find randos to live with this semester because I had one awkward extra semester and needed to find people okay with me leaving in December.  I found them!  But they are so awkward!  And terrible!

One of them (J) is so unbelievably awkward that it actually blows me away.  One time I told her I was going on a root beer float date with FI and would be back later.  We get to the A&W and she is there waiting for us because she wanted to tag along.  Um?  This same girl a few weeks ago took my FAVORITE candle off the warmer and DUMPED IT DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL because she thought candles weren’t any good anymore after they turned all liquid …. ?!  She called me seven times while I was at work on Friday and so I thought there was a legitimate emergency, but really, she just couldn’t find her laptop charger and I was like DON’T CALL ME AT WORK FOR SHIT LIKE THAT DUDE I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS OMFG and hung up and she called me back to say that she was having an anxiety attack and I was so mean to her she cried so I should feel bad.  Ok.  She called the cops on our neighbors for parking in “her” spot in our shared driveway.

The other (K) is a habitual liar about everythingggggggggggg and I seriously pick up on a white lie almost every day.  Some of the most annoying lies were ones she told to my FI to look cool which made me SO MAD: she said she speaks three languages fluently, that she has a concealed weapon’s permit, and that she almost died of brain cancer (it was her SISTER who almost did, I found out later from mutual friends what a psycho!!!!)

They don’t know how to load the dishwasher – they will load up the dishwasher with their pots/pans and leave a sink full of plates to run the next day, so we are always behind on dishes which really stresses me out.  I always tell them to wash big stuff by hand so we aren’t constantly swimming in a pile of dishes, but they don’t.

I’m apparently the only one capable of taking the garbage out and oh, did I mention I’m on crutches with an ACL tear?!  They don’t do anything.  It’s almost amazing.  But they think I’M the messy one because for some reason their rooms are meticulous and they make their beds every day …. I would do that too if I didn’t spend every evening cleaning up all their messes from the day!

Post # 8
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh and also, J has eaten my entire half-gallon of ice cream, then apologized and bought me a new one, then ate the new one before I had a chance to (this is approximately a 36-hour total event) ….. at LEAST three times that I can remember.  I don’t care about her eating my stuff if she replaces it but omfg.

Also, the day J moved in (I moved in first) she dumped down the drain all of the cleaning products I had just bought … dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, 409, windex, scrubbing bubbles, air freshener sprays, etc etc etc …. and replaced them with her own eco-friendly products.  She said “I’d prefer if you just used my products because I am not okay living in an environment that is causing damage to the earth.”

why didn’t you tell me that before I moved in and bought all this shit?  Also, dumping it down the sink is totally counter productive.  She just loves to dump stuff down the sink I guess – like the wax!

Post # 9
6467 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beetee123:  lol!  We just have to do it quietly. She goes to school but since her classes are in the afternoon, she wakes up late and goes to bed late. So no way we can wait. She comes home rather early since she doesn’t have a real job and wants to know everything. I was ok for a while but can get annoying. She asks all kinds of personal questions.

Post # 12
4955 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@beetee123:  UGH! I had two CRAZY roommates before FI and I moved in together. I just love telling these stories.

Crazy #1 – She was literally, crazy. She had a mental breakdown and had to stop working. She had a boyfriend (who was super creepy) who then became a stalker. She was afraid to walk to her own car and had to get the police involved.

-I woke up one night to the smoke detector going off. She was drunk/high and left water/food boiling on the stove. It boiled over and set the smoke alarm off. When I asked her what she was doing, she just stared at me. I shut it off, opened the balcony door to air the place out and when I woke up in the morning…the door was still wide open. 

-She used to bring random guys home at 3:30 am. I asked her once to keep it down (they were playing guitars and singing) and she asked me if I had to work the next day. When I said no, she asked me what the problem was…. UM.. it’s 3:30 am! 

Crazy #2- She was such a rude little biatch. 

-FI and I went apple picking and I asked her if she wanted some of the apple pie we made. She asked what kind of apples we used because she is from NH which is the apple capital of the world and is an “apple snob”. Really? Just eat some pie!!!

-She sang CONSTANTLY. Didn’t matter if you were in the room. She hummed and sang.

-She asked to not contribute to the cable bill because she “pays for netflix”

-She told me I was “irresponsible” when I asked if she cared if I got a dog. She literally said, “Well if the dog poops on the carpet, I’m afraid you won’t pick it up”. WHAT?

-When she moved out, she tried to take the shower curtain with her (which was put up by the landlord). I asked her if it was hers, she said no, and I told her she needed to leave it. She then just shoved it into the bathtub and left.

ALSO – both of these girls never had beds. Both slept on mattresses that were on the floor.


In terms of talking….definitely talk in person – do not do it through text/email. Be completely honest and remain calm. If you let this stuff keep building up, it will drive you crazy and you’ll lose it one day. Also – bring up if he wants to move it. It seems like he may since he seems unhappy also. Good luck! 

Post # 13
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

This might sound obvious but have you talked to him about this stuff? I didn’t see any mention of that in your post. I know it might be difficult to do (I’m not a confrontational person either) but I think it might help.

Some of this stuff does seem really obvious but if this is his first place outside of his parent’s home he might just be really clueless. 

Did you get some kind of security deposit from him? If so, I wouldn’t worry too much about how dirty his bathroom is. I also wouldn’t want to evenly split a grocery bill with someone because depending on what and how much he eats it might not be fair to him.

I guess if you’ve already talked to him I don’t have any other advice (other than talking to him again). How does your SO feel about storing his games somewhere since he doesn’t get to play them anyways? That might help cut down on the late night noise.

Ugh, I’m so glad I no longer have to have a roommate. Good luck getting through the next nine months- I hope you can work something out!

Post # 14
6467 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beetee123:  What a comment from your RM!! I do not know what will happen if my sister moves in next summer…if my RM is not that happy, then she might leave. I am also afraid my RM doesn’t want anyone else in the house because when I commented about having a possible second roommate temporarly, she didn’t like the idea. So she keeps saying “You guys will have kids after you graduate huh?” (in like 2 years), I am like “maybe”. I don’t know if we’ll end up pregnant soon of course, but I am not telling her we are trying for a baby. I don’t think she would like that. Anyhow is not like we got married yesterday.

Post # 15
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012


Firstly, is this guy on the lease? If yes, you’re probably stuck with him until the lease expires.

As for his friends using your stuff, have your SO take the console and the controllers into the bedroom with him when he vacates the common area. If your roommate’s friends can’t play on his game system, no problem. I understand he doesn’t want to be that guy who’s overprotective of his stuff, but your roommate’s friends have already proven that they don’t respect other people’s things.

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