Post # 1
So, J is quite a bit older than me. Specifically, 8 years older. I think this is the reason my brother and sister find fault with him most of the time. I don’t talk to my brother much anymore, but when I talk to my sister she’s always trying to say that our relationship is flawed.
For instance, in a discussion about how I’m sick of having so few friends in the city I moved to, she accused J of being the reason I can’t meet anyone because he’s “holding me back.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. He encourages me to spend time with friends and call them and stay connected when I otherwise might get lazy about it.
Or most recently, when I was talking about my car breaking down and how I don’t know what I’ll do if it goes out entirely, she told me if he loved me he’d share his car with me. Uh… our work schedules are always opposite. It’s not about if he loves me, it’s logistics!
It’s just an annoyance because she seems like she’s trying soo hard to find a reason he’s not good enough. Makes me wonder what she says behind my back!
Does anybody else have family members constantly trying to put doubt in your mind about your relationship?
Post # 3
Um, my family supports my relationship with J since he is a wonderful guy. I have this problem with J’s mother though. So, similar, but I’m on the receiving end. She has talked about me to J’s grandparents, who now dislike me even without meeting me, and has worked on poisoning other family member’s opinion about me including J himself.
If it’s really that bad and it’s bothering you (which it looks like it is) you should speak up.
Tell your family something in your comfort zone along the lines of “Look, J is the man I love and plan to marry someday. It really hurts me that you would say this about him when I know it couldn’t be further from the truth. Please keep these comments to yourself.”
Something of that nature.
If you really want to hash it out and get to the root of what’s up, you may try and sit down with your sister and rationally ask her “WTH”. Give specific examples and try not to be overly emotional and present it as you really want to hear what she has to say. In the end you would probably end up saying something along the lines of “I really appreciate your concern, but I’m very happy with J. These comments just hurt me and our relationship ( as in yours and your sisters).”
Post # 4
@Tunacupcakes: Lol! Ironically another J. 😉
I would, but my immediate family is so passive-aggressive. If I ever try to calmly, rationally discuss a problem, it becomes something else wrong with me, and they just vehemently deny saying anything, or they say I’ve taken it the wrong way. It’s really honestly just one tiny thing on a long list of things they do that damage our relationship. It’s frustrating, but I guess I feel I’ve done all I can. So at this point, I guess it’s just therapeutic to feel I’m not the only one with difficult family members, yannow?
I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining without having tried to fix it. I tried to fix something similar with my brother, he majorly insulted J, and also me, of course, and now we just don’t talk much. It’s a serious bummer but I’ve done all I can, and I can’t change their behavior. :/
Post # 5
Ah. I’m sorry that your attempts to fix the issues have been completely side-stepped by your family.
I do know that these sort of things do end up working themselves out. Unfortunately sometimes the fix is distance.
I’m really sorry you have to deal with this, but I’m glad to know that you are standing by your guy like this. I know as a reciever of this crap, it means everything to me and if J doesn’t stand by me on this issues we will never work.
Good luck. People change drastically sometimes and there is always a pretty decent chance of things getting better.
Post # 6
It’s good to hear! 🙂 This was totally not the intent of this post, but that means a lot to me. I guess it’s that, I pretty much can guarantee they’ll talk crap about me behind my back, even as my family. So their talking crap about him just doesn’t mean much to me. We’re solid, and we know it’s not ending anytime soon. *shrug* So it’ll be okay; I’ll at least have him as my immediate family, and I have my extended family still 🙂