Post # 1
After having been a bride, I look back on myself 5 years ago and just keep face-palming with etiquette shame… Here’s what I didn’t know until I started planning a wedding:
– It’s an honor to be invited to someone’s wedding, and it costs them money for you to attend their wedding. ALWAYS RSVP and then do what you said you’d do. I grew up in the midwest, and in my entire time living there, I never once attended a wedding that wasn’t a buffet-style, open-seating, cash bar affair where the couple kept to themselves and didn’t mingle with guests. It honestly never occurred to me that one more or less person would make a difference since couples didn’t seem to care or notice who actually attended their wedding. Since we chose to have a sit-down meal with a seating chart and a nice bar, it was SO IRRITATING when people treated their RSVPs like it was no big deal. “Oh, I might come if I can get off work early that day” or “Oh, sorry, I know I said I would come, but now that it’s 3 days till the wedding, I’ve realized my friend is coming in from out of town and I can’t attend now.” I had to re-arrange my entire seating chart and eat the bill for $100/plate meals!
– It’s poor form to include registry info in your invitation suite. Didn’t know this because including the information is common practice in the area where I grew up. When our invites went out and we DIDN’T have registry information inside, people were irritated. I’m glad I figured it out in time, because we did have guests who would have noticed the etiquette breach and would have been offended.
Anyone else? What etiquette did you learn in the planning process?
Post # 3
I’m a stickler for etiquette, so I haven’t learned anything so far. Sorry!
Post # 4
I have totally done some things that I realize now were really rude. One of my friends from high school got engaged when we were in college. I was so excited when he told us (we were all home from Christmas break in our hometown) that I asked if we could all come!
He invited us and we had fun, but in the last two years I started feeling horrible that I did that. I was just young and really had no idea what went into wedding planning. He was my first friend who got engaged and I was really excited.
I emailed him a few months ago and told him I felt terrible about asking to be invited to his wedding several years back. He was really nice about it and said he was just happy taht we were all enthusiastic about making the trip 4 hours from where we live to see him get married. I don’t know if he really felt that was or if he was still cursing me under his breath, but it was nice.
I still feel terrible for doing what I did though 🙁
Post # 5
Nope, nothing changed for me. These manners aren’t special to weddings and are things I’ve grown up doing.
I also have studied etiquette books, and participated in a few message boards specifically around rules of etiquette, and behaving politely. Its a subject I find very interesting.
Post # 6
I don’t think this falls under etiquette but, I honestly and truly never realized how much weddings cost per person and how much the bride and groom (or their parents) were paying for me to be there celebrating with them so, I have been a horrible gifter. I wish I could go back and redo all of the gifts I have ever given at every wedding. I have been that horrbile person that brings boxed gifts to the reception not thinking about the bride and groom having to lug it home or the person that gives half of the cost of their plate (not saying guests have to pay for their plate but, if I could go back and redo it all I would give about the cost of my plate plus a little extra). It honestly makes me embarassed that I was “that person” at all of the prior weddings I have been to. I mean, I know I more than likely wasn’t the only one but, still, it REALLY bothers me.
Post # 7
I pretty much made tons of ettiquite no-no’s. TONS. It’s embarrassing to think back on them, but I hope I didn’t offend anybody. I actually wore a white dress to a wedding once. It wasn’t fancy, nobody would have mistaken me for the bride, but I didn’t know it was rude. I didn’t even KNOW the couple…I went with the groom’s brother. I went to a wedding of a childhood friend and brought my roomate as my univited +1. I didn’t bring a gift. I have been to many weddings without a gift when I was in college. I didn’t know any better! I was a BM for one friend and didn’t give her a gift/card on the day of. I BOUGHT a wedding card, but forgot to bring it with me. I RSVPd to a wedding and then didn’t go because I was not feeling social. The list goes on….
Post # 8
My family has another family that we’ve been friends with forever. My grandparents started it and by dad is good friends with their kids and I, in turn was friends with the grandkids. We hung out a lot as kids but grew apart as we got older and now only see each other at things like our annual giant 4th of July party. The oldest son in the friend’s family was getting married a couple years ago and about 2 weeks before the wedding I ran into his mom and got to talking to her and, out of the blue she invited me to the wedding. My grandmother was already going, so I came with her. Now the mother of the groom was the one that did the inviting, so I don’t feel too terrible, but I now look back and think that may not have gone over so well with the bride (who I had never met before the wedding). OOPS! But oh well, it was good to see the family and the groom and most of all his cousin who I hadn’t see in forever so we spent most of the reception catching up.