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I told my BF I wouldnt live with him until we are married and this is why:
First off I live in Ga and him in PA.. One of us is going to have to move. I own a house here in GA and he has an amazing job in PA.. so its a lot for either one of us to move
Second of all I lived with my ex boyfriend for 4 years.. spent close to 60K on our relationship... and it ended with him being kicked out after admitting to cheating..
Third of all I feel if we move in before we are married, we wont be as inclined to work out problems as we would if we hadnt lived together before (and not delt with them before).
Thats the cliffnotes version lol!
We lived apart for a year because we wanted to experience college life. I got an apartment with a roommate, and he lived with three other guys in a college apartment style dorm. We made that decision because we wanted to have some life experience outside of each other since we've been dating since we were 14. Of course, he ended up sleeping over so much it was pretty much the same, and we did move in together this year.
@TheRen - I love your avatar! Those sound like some pretty solid reasons to me . . . glad to know I'm not the only one. I come across a lot of couples here who move in together to "save money" because rent is so high. I totally understand that, and feel fortunate that this hasn't been an issue for us so far. Though saving $1,400 a month doesn't sound too shabby, I don't want money to be the main reason for making such a huge decision.
I would definitely hesitate to move to another city if I were a homeowner like you, BTW.
Fiance and I have been together almost 4yrs (engaged 3). We don't believe in living together. And it honestly has nothing to do with our relgious views, to begin with (though we are followers of Christ). We just feel like it wasn't right. We don't feel like it's the moral thing to do for us. Fine if other people think it's ok, but it's not right for The Jellybeans and won't be until we're Mr & Mrs. Plus if you want to put this out on a statistic thing then couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
@lilyfaith - I think it's great that you got to have the college experience even though you knew that you two would eventually move in together!
@Swiss Miss to Bee - that does suck, but hopefully what "they" say about absence making the heart grow fonder is true. OK, that was crazy cheesy, but I couldn't resist. Just think about how great it will be once you can finally be together!
October2010, I am just like you! My FI and I have been together for a long time and living in the same city for five years (I moved here after graduating from college). When I first got here, I didn't want to live together so that I could have my independence and have some 20's-me-time. As time went on, I realized I didn't really want to live together before getting married. We're not religious and we sleep at each other's houses all the time, but I think there will be something special about the wedding marking the beginning of the new life and the marriage together.
I also tend to get depressed after big events that I've been looking forward to are over and I think this will be an awesome "project". Do you guys know where you are going to be living yet? We decided to renovate my FI's current duplex back into a big house so it will be even more projecty than is maybe sane. :)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one!
Some of it is religious, but we thought about it and would have moved in together anyway if we really wanted to, but we realized that it comes down to us waiting til the big day. We figure it will be more of the newlywed experience, and I think overall we like our space right now. The distance doesn't help either, we're 45 min. apart, but we feel like we have the rest of our lives once we marry.
MrsJellybean227 - Plus if you want to put this out on a statistic thing then couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
Kind of OT, but I just wanted to point out that this statistic is a little skewed. I think this has less to do with living together before-hand, but more to do with the fact that a lot of people who wouldn't live together before marriage have the same moral/religous views as those who wouldn't get a divorce. <--- does that make sense?
MrsJellybean227 - Plus if you want to put this out on a statistic thing then couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
Kind of OT, but I just wanted to point out that this statistic is a little skewed. I think this has less to do with living together before-hand, but more to do with the fact that a lot of people who wouldn't live together before marriage have the same moral/religous views as those who wouldn't get a divorce. <--- does that make sense?
Does anyone else find it hilarious that one of the "related posts" to this is "Anyone do Pilates?" Pahaha!
my then db often asked me to live with him but i refused because i didnt want to "just" live with a guy - i wanted to live with my husband so i was prepared to wait. yes we were having sex so it wasnt a religous thing. i guess because i see so many couples that live together for years that i didnt want that for me
@ Mrs Jellybean,
Yeah, that statistic is a pretty old school one. Check out this quote from USA Today....
"Researchers say changing times have produced more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods...
"The nature of cohabitation has changed," says Jay Teachman, a sociology professor at Western Washington University in Bellingham. "Cohabitators 20 years ago were the rule breakers, the rebels, the risk takers — the folks who were perhaps not as interested in marriage, and using cohabitation as an alternative to marriage."
"Twenty or 25 years ago, if you were cohabiting and then married them, the marriage was more likely to dissolve and end in divorce," he says. "Today, that's not the case. You can cohabit with your spouse and not experience increased risk of divorce. We're making these finer distinctions that we didn't make before."
It's a little complicated with us.
A little bit religious - I think premarital sex is okay, but my religious background has influenced my concept of marriage and commitment. Therefore, for me, I see living together as an important part of that marriage commitment.
A lot is cultural - we live in Korea where people don't usually openly live together. He also lives with his parents and it would be strange to move out while he is unmarried.
But another part is that because of the above reasons, we have become accoustomed to having our own space and homes. I'm kind of excited that marriage for us will mean a truely big living space step and not just a signed document step.
I should say though - because of Korean laws, we will be getting legally married before the actual wedding ceremony (which isn't a legal marriage). Therefore, when we find an apartment we like, we will get married right away legally, but wait until June for our ceremony.
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My fiance and I have been dating for over three years, and have been engaged for about 6 months. He's 31, I'm 28, and we both haven't lived with our parents since we moved out for college at 18. We both live in San Francisco (home of exorbitant rental costs), but keep separate apartments even though we spend 4-5 nights a week together. A lot of our friends think it's odd that we don't live together (neither of us are religious). I guess my personal feeling is that if we wait to live together, it will give us a new project to look forward to after the wedding (setting up our new home together). He doesn't want to move because he loves his apartment and his neighborhood. So, are we total freaks? Anyone else have non-religious reasons for not living with their FIs before the wedding?
FYI, both of us are pretty independent, and usually I don't care what other people think, but lately I am getting more and more sideways looks from co-workers, friends, etc. when I tell them that we have no immediate plan to move in together despite our impending nuptials :) So, I leave it to the hive - am I a complete weirdo?