Post # 1
Something that has been bugging me more and more lately is that I often feel like people just don’t listen to me.
Part of this could be a gender-thing, I’m an engineering field so it is typically mostly men and I don’t have an overly powerful voice. There have been times where if group-mates had listened to me we would have finished projects multiple hours sooner than we did.
I know also that a large part of this comes from the fact that at home both DH and I have sound-isolating headsets for gaming. I am learning to confirm that he has physcially HEARD me, however there are still times when I just don’t feel listened to. For example, sometimes he hears me and doesn’t give any confirmation of such. With him we are working on it and on strategies to figure this out.
I also know that I am generally overly sensitive to being ignored and this is rooted in my upbringing with a mother that would just ignore the meaning in my words and totally twist stuff around.
Anyone else ever feel like this? How do YOU cope with being ignored? Have any strategies to get people to actually listen?
Post # 2
EmeraldTiger: My mom has this infamous way of ignoring me when I say something she either doesn’t like, or she just doesn’t like following my requests (when it comes to my son)– I’ve brought this up to her on multiple occasions, and it’s always the same. She just denies it, tell me that’s ridiculous. That adds insult to injury.
The last time this happened, my stepdad and my mom were over. We don’t do shoes on the rugs/carpeted area of our home. My son likes to play on the rugs/carpet. I buy the rugs and the carpet- so I don’t think it’s too hard to take your shoes off. It’s not like our wood floors are dirty– we keep them clean.
Well my stepdad always has shoes on– at home he has “house shoes”– so when I asked for the shoes to come off, I was ignored. I politely mentioned it a second time, and again- I was ignored.
I ended up blowing-the-f*ck-up– not even SO much because of the shoes, but by that point it was because I was being ignored. They aren’t rude people- so they would never ignore a simple request like that at someone else’s house. They just don’t think they have to follow the rules at my home- because no matter how old I am, I will always be thier daughter.
If they are paying my bills, and furnishing my home, we might be able to compromise. But I’m a grown adult who pays my own bills and furnishes my own home- so I expect a little respect- even from my parents! I don’t have any advice– because nothing I have done has worked. Even when I have ben right, and my mom has been wrong– she’ll just end the conversation or just shut down and wave me away.
I feel like there are some people who are just assholes and don’t listen to others.
Post # 3
EmeraldTiger: Is there a Toastmasters chapter near you? They will help you develop a more powerful voice, both literally and figuratively.
Post # 4
I have had a problem my whole life with this. I will say something important during a conversation at work or at home, and later, someone will come back at me for ‘not telling them.’ When I notify them that I did, when and where, they get mad because I didn’t make them listen.
I refuse to take the responsibility of making someone else respect me enough to pay attention. That is their problem, and those are their consequences.
I swear my husband remembers everything I say. He is awesome. 🙂
Post # 5
No one ever listens to me at my work, idk if it’s my age, gender, status level or what. Usually I will say something needs to be done a certain way and will get ignored, or what’s worse is they hear my answer and then go and ask someone else.
My family talks so much I can hardly get a word in edgewise, so they all think I’m shy, even though I’m not. I’m just not like them and I won’t talk over them.
My FI is the same as your husband, he listens but he doesn’t always say anything to confirm that he heard me, so I find myself repeating things and having him go “yeah I know I heard you.”
Post # 6
I have this problem too. I think it’s partly because I’m quiet and speak in a very calm voice but it is also definitely a gender issue. I recently passed an interview for a masters degree and the male professor kept interrupting me all the freakin’ time,while the female professors just listened and noded. What I usually do is repeat what I said and insist in my ideas. Or the other time I said “Excuse me, I’m talking,do I have to shout to be listened to?” in a very calm voice, but everyone shut up and turned to me. I felt really badass.
Post # 7
I also have this problem. Not so often with my SO but definitely with my family. I honestly cannot remember one time while sitting around the table with my family that I have been able to finish a sentence. I’m not even over exaggerating, not one whole sentence without being cut off and ignored. I come from a large family but this only happens to me too, not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with being the youngest.
I find it super rude and disrespectful though.
Post # 8
I feel like I wanna just hug all of you <3 Its so nice to know I’m not alone on the quiet-ignored side of the conversation 🙂
As some of you have mentioned, it is so rude and disrespectful… Honestly it just makes me angry often, especially if its with family who often do it… I can almost guarantee that one day I really will blow up on people over something stupid and small.<br /><br />Oh, fun story – years ago I was haing a “great” conversation with my mother (over the phone) – I was explaining to her that I did not feel that she ever listened to me. After I tried to explain this to her for about an hour without getting through to her I asked her what she got from the conversation. She interpreted it as me having said “[I] don’t want to hear other people’s opinion unless they agree with [me]”. At that point I told her she hadnt understood at all and hung up the phone…