Post # 1
I come from a family and culture where big weddings are very common – it is normal to invite wider family, and for parents to invite all of their friends. Weddings of 250+ people are very common.
My Fiance and I wanted something smaller, around 80-100 people, but right from the start we realised this wasnt going to happen. My parents are contributing a huge amount to the wedding and therefore it wasn’t appropriate for us to say they couldn’t have friends there. We did ask for compromise and to have fewer than they might have done, but it jus thasn’t worked out like that.
My mum and I have had countless arguments about the guestlist, with me wanting fewer people and her wanting more. She worries that not inviting people will offend them and she is terrified of making enemies.
As it stands we have invited 175 people. We have had 90 people RSVP so far, and only 3 have said no. Several people I was sure wouldn’t come, have RSVPd yes.
I’m just feeling a bit upset that this isn’t going to be the intimate occasion we had wanted, and I feel really nervous about how many people are going to be there. I dont feel like we will get around to speak to everyone, and I am worried that I will walk down the aisle and see faces I don’t recognise.
Just wondered if anyone else had this situation and ended up loving the day? Can anyone with this number of guests tell me how things went for them?
I know on the scale of things this is a minor problem but it’s bothering me so thought I would ask.
Post # 3
i expected ours to be smallish but with parents involved we’re around 500+ guests. honestly, the only way i can cope with it is say wahoo i’m having a big crazy italian wedding and its going to be a party. then my expectations will be fulfilled. really, the wedding is for everybody else anyway so might as well just go with the flow. how often do you get to hang out with all these people in celebration of you? are there going to be people you don’t know at all? and then theres the thought that not everyone will come so hopefully its just people you want that show up 🙂
Post # 4
Ugh mine is like this. We wanted to have 40-70 people and have ended up with 150. Not as extreme as your examples, but it still feels pretty insane.
Post # 5
Mines isnt that big, but Fiance and I only wanted 20 – 30 guests, a really small intimate wedding at the moment our guest list is around 70. I know compared to your lists that is still tiny but its double what we wanted! And of course double the price 🙁
Post # 6
Yes. I wanted a close family and wedding party only wedding; my Darling Husband wanted to invite the whole dang state. We compromised with a smaller wedding (100, still a little bigger than I wanted) in one place one weekend and a big reception (300+) in his hometown the next.
I don’t necessarily regret it, because I know it made him happy, but I really could have done without it.
If it makes you feel any better, the yes responses often come first, and there will probably be a few people that RSVP yes and then don’t come.
And here I thought I was the only person that was silently praying for/celebrating “No” RSVPs!
Post # 7
YES – abort mission! We wanted 80ish, close family and closest friends. After our parents’ (mostly mine) guest list contributions, we ended up inviting 220 and had 120 in attendance. I hated it – it was so much bigger than what I’d wanted and what I wanted to plan for.
Post # 8
I always pictured having a smaller wedding like my sister and brother’s, less than 200 people, closer to 100. Our current invitee list is between 300-350. My fiance has a rather large family on his mother’s side. Since its out of town for like half the invite list, its a toss up on how many people will actually come. We’re secretly hoping for a high RSVP no rate. 🙂
Post # 9
Ugh I totally feel your pain! I just ha da huge blow out with my Father-In-Law and Fiance because of his HUGE ITALIAN FAMILY. I always dreamt of a good sized wedding of about 120-150 people MAX. The night we got engaged, they drew up a list of 165 people ONLY FAMILY! I have 3 sides to ym family and got my list to 85 to accomodate them….they never asked what I had envisioned. I fell in love with a venure but my Future Mother-In-Law said “no its too small” without asking if I liked it. For 6 months Ive been fighting with Fiance….last night I called my Future Mother-In-Law and told her I was happy it was worth it to her to save face over me marrying her son because the wedding was off. That finally made her and my Future Father-In-Law see the hell they had created for me. My list is now 263 but they said they’d cut it down. I hope they do! I am so sorry you have to deal with the same thing….it is so aggrevating because you want to create a special day for you and the man you love, but have to please others. And if you say anything, you’re called ungrateful or a bridezilla!
I hope you don’t have to resort to such drama as I did…..but perhaps really letting them see what it feels like for you would help. Is it better to offend someone over the happiness of your child? Hang in there, fellow Bee. I wish you all the love and happiness the world has to offer!
Post # 10
I was almost in this position. We wanted to have a wedding around 40 people (just our immediate families) but then my step-dad went and told my uncle (who my family has had some problems with recently but just started to reconcile with) that he and his family were invited, which means that now we had to invite all our aunts and uncles and most cousins, bringing the guest list to over 200. So we switched gears and decided on a destination wedding in Mexico so we invited everyone, but are still having only around 40 people come… muahahahahahaha
That sucks though. If I were you I would look into a destination elopement just for the two of you a little while before the big hullaballoo so that you get your special day for the two of you and then you feel less stressed about going through the motions of the big wedding when it happens.
Post # 11
I’m on the same boat! We want a smaller-ish wedding (200 guests) but we are having a typical Armenian wedding with 300-400 guests. I still haven’t really accepted that number, yet.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I think 200 is enough but Fiance and I both come from BIG families…let’s just say my cousin had like 400 UGH. However, bigger weddings are more fun 🙂
Post # 13
ME! I wanted 50 tops; 25 on each side! My fiance said my mom will never forgive us, now our guest count is at 137. Nothing compared to yours, but not what I wanted. We are waiting for our RSVP’s to come back, I’m sure it will be smaller, but not the private smalle wedding I wanted. However, I am grateful that we have that many people that love and want to celebrate with us.
Post # 14
I wanted a tiny wedding compared to you guys (50) My mum had 176 at her wedding and I was always like “no that way too big!”
Now my wedding has blown out to 130 and our reception place will hold max 110 so we need to cull.
*sigh* I just don’t see the point in paying for heaps of people half you don’t know or like to come to a wedding.
Post # 15
Not as extreme as you but I wanted to elope, which my friends and family were just fine with, but fiance’s family guilt tripped him into a traditional wedding. Our guest list is now at 144 people, which is significantly higher than my planned 10 people. I am worried that I will hate it, we’ve already upset one set of grandparents by not having it in town (we’re doing a mini destination wedding about 2.5 hours away) but my whole family is traveling from 2 states away and don’t mind at all. I hope it all turns out okay and you still have fun and love every minute of your day!
Post # 16
Sorry for not replying bees, I got distracted!
thanks for all the lovelmessages, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
we are 4 weeks out, and have 113 coming and 10 no’s…but I’m sure we all end up around 160. I’m kind of getting used to the idea…it’s just a shamhair had to be this way!