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I have no idea where to post this, so I thought the beehive section would work.
So my best friend, I love her, but sometimes she speaks before she thinks and it can really get to me. She is getting married June 2010, me, August 2011. Her wedding will be around 240 people. Big, showy, over-the-top. Mine will be smaller, so far we only have around 130 people on our guest list to invite. We don't have big families and I am not the type to invite people for the sake of higher numbers.
So Saturday night we are out to dinner and we are talking about her wedding, and she told me she was at 240, and I was told her that my wedding will only have around 120 at the most and she said in a snarky way "Ha, thats like ________ whole side." meaning her fiances.
I just felt like she thought her wedding is going to be so much better because its so much bigger, which is really bothering me, because this isn't the first time she has made some comment about how "small" my wedding is, and I don't think 120 is really that small!!
Am I being overly sensitive? I mean, bigger does not make better!
Maybe this was more of a vent...
my wedding is about the same size as yours and i think it's getting pretty big! I always thought i would have less than 100 people.
I think 120-130 is a good size, it will be a fun party, but I will still have time to talk to everyone. I have been to a wedding that was about 400 ppl, in my opinion, waaayy to big for me! (but no offense to those having 400 ppl ;)
@aruba: sigh some folks don't think before they speak, i am having a smaller wedding which in this part of the country is unheard of. i mean i am seriously inviting like 60-70 folks. here a small wedding is 200 people!!!!! let's just say i have had some strange looks etc and i always say i want an extremely nice wedding for the folks that i love and hey we're in a recession, i cannot invite everyone.
don't worry about people who say things like that... you have obviously matured past the "keeping up with the jones's" mentality!
That's a weird comment. I think 120 is big! And really, I think smaller weddings are at an advantage because less of your budget is eaten up by catering costs. I would just ignore it; the size is right for you and that's all that matters.
Big and small are relative. I wouldn't worry about her perspective on things. Some people use their wedding as a means to show-off, I hate that. I'm not saying that's what your best friend is doing, she may be very unaware of how she's coming off. But I've never really thought the bigger wedding was nicer simply because it was bigger. That's just silly :)
Ribbons, exactly, and not that I am comparing or anything, but there are things that I can have at my wedding that she can't because her numbers are so high, but I am not rubbing it in her face.
I just hate that weddings cause so much competition!
Our wedding will have a max of 65 people...so even smaller than yours. I can understand where you are coming from, and I don't think you are being over sensitive.
Think of it this way - she probably won't be able to see everyone at her wedding and have intimate time with them to thank them for coming - you will.
No, bigger does not make it better - personally I think it makes it more stressful.
She probably didn't mean it to be mean, try to let it roll off your shoulders and focus on your own fabulously intimate wedding ;)
Eh, just let it roll off your back. I'm pretty sure 120 ppl is about "average" sized for a wedding. We'll be have about 60 guests max at ours.
I think 120 is big too!! But the point is... who cares!!! Your friend is being silly.... don't let it get to you... You know your wedding will probly be waaaay better anyways ;) ;)
I don't think she was trying to be mean. She just stated a fact. And I also don't think she was trying to show off. We are only having 50 guests. It really doesn't matter how many guests other brides are having or did have. I don't think you should think anything of it because it was just a conversation comment. She probably wishes she didn't have to have so many guests.
That is NOT small!!! I'm having a wedding of around 100 people!!! I know a girl who is having like 300 people at her wedding, I can't believe it! She just sounds like one of those girls who like to show off, and I'm sure she didn't mean any harm by it. The amount of people you're inviting is a perfect amount!!!
Vent all you want, hon!
You're absolutely right that bigger is in no way better.
Incidentally, my hubs and I only had our family members at our wedding, and then we had a huge reception a month later, because that was right for us. I fully believe every couple has to decide what's right for them.
Let her comments roll off you because you know better.
That's too bad that she has you feeling down - you shouldn't though! Like a lot of the previous posters have said, 120 is actually big compared to lots of other weddings. There's no magic number of guests that determines how great a wedding will be - as long as you have people there who geuinely care about you and support you, that's what makes the party!
that's not small at all, and even if it is considered smaller, so what? there are some pros to having a smaller guest list. you can afford to have some extras because there are less people to feed, and you can make it more personal. i'm doing a lot of diy for my 110 person wedding, i'd NEVER want to spend the time crafting all of this stuff if i had to do double all of this work!
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know it is easier said then done. But thru this whole wedding planning experience, I have found that someone is always going to have something to say. Be happy with what you have planned. The two weddings will be so different, there is no way you will be able to compare the two. I can't imagine having 200+ people at my wedding. My sister had about 160 and it was perfect for her, she got to see everyone there. Me on the other hand, I am only having 90 and i think it is too big. Like someone said before, size is realative. Just enjoy planning your wedding and don't worry what others say.
And I was thinking 50 people in one room was going to be overwhelming! :) To me just because she has that many guests doesnt mean she will be able to truly enjoy all of their company or even thank all of them for coming.
Another one here who thinks 120 people is big. Man, the more I read blogs, the more I learn - I previously had no idea that ladies with my size diamond apparently consider it to be embarrassingly small, and now I find out that small weddings are apparently looked down upon too? Hah, it's all just silliness. Competitive wedding planning is a virus! Kill it!
I wonder if she's feeling stressed out because she wishes she didn't have so many people she's obligated to invite? Because of course it's true that a huge guest list will eat up the majority of her budget, leaving her unable to do a lot of things she probably wants to. I don't know, I just can't picture someone actually wanting their wedding to be that large, maybe that's just me! Mine will be around 50-60, just perfect. :)
Not that I'm an advocate of snarkiness but if you felt like having some come backs up your sleeve if she ever tries to make you feel lame for having a "small" wedding:
"We're going for quality of guests rather than quantity"
"Does your FH know how much you care about size"
"We didn't want to invite random family members we hardly know because it looks like a total gift grab"
I'm sure others can come up with some better ones for you. Of course if you find it is really affecting your friendship, like you start avoiding her and not looking forward to seeing her, you could go the grown up, bigger person route and try to discuss it with her by saying "When you say things like that it actually hurts my feelings, our weddings aren't a competition" :)
LMAO does FH know how much you care about size?! omg how hilarious?!
haha mountainbride! Well, I hate to play in this whole competitive wedding bullshit, because honestly it is ONE DAY. But I know she is jealous that I have a "better" ring, but I never said anything about it, one of our other friends told me she made a comment about that (honestly WHO cares). and she really wanted an open bar, but can't have one due to her large guest list, but I can, and I know she is jealous of that. But see, all these things, not my fault, so don't make snide comments about my wedding, because I don't do it to you...
That isn't a small wedding!!!!! (not that it matters anyway!)
My wedding is going to be between 100-150 (And I always thought I'd have a small wedding)
Don't take that comment (or any like it ) to heart!
I moved this to emotional for you! :-)
I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think she may not even realize that comments like that are rude. I'd just brush it off, she's obviously trying to make herself feel better about her own wedding. Forget about it! (Or use the funny comments from mountainbride!)
Geeze, I wouldn't want to know what she would have said about my wedding with 45 people!
120 is NOT small. My wedding is 65 people! Let her snark if she wants. Your smaller guest list means you can spend more $ per person, which means better food, drinks, decor, flowers, etc.
@ Arubagirl - well this girl sounds lovely. If she's your BF then obviously she has some great qualities too, it's a shame they aren't showing themselves about the wedding! In light of your most recent comment here's another comebacks for you -
"Anytime I feel sad about our teeny tiny wedding I just look down at my massive F- off diamond and I feel instantly better"
I don't think her comment sounds at all objectionable or rude. Of course I can't hear the tone so that might have been snarky. I'm happy when people call my wedding small!
HEYO!! Some good one liners on this thread :-)
i think she is just trying to make herself feel good. It's all about priorities. Mine are like yours - we had a small wedding, it was wonderful. I didn't want to have to walk around and talk to strangers while my closest and dearest that i never get to see were nearby (we live far away from family!!). Also we had an open bar - crucial! She is getting the huge guest list, but not getting the other things that she wants (ring, open bar, etc) so it really evens out.
If she gives you grief or keeps gossiping about you with friends, def whip out one of these one liners or just tell her to stuff it. :-P
Possibly she didn't mean it in a looking down on yours kind of way - hard to say without hearing her, but she might have just been making an observation! if you are feeling sensitive to it, is it possible she didn't have bad intentions and you misinterpreted her menaing? calling your wedding small relative to hers could just be an observation or comparison rather than a judgement....
once she has spent her whole reception going around to tables and you have had a good visit with everyone and then had fun, she might wish for a smaller wedding! Just ignore the snarkiness! 130 sounds great!
When I first read this post I thought small meant under 50 or so. That is a good amount, we are having around 80 and FI's father thinks its a BIG wedding
Your number sounds perfect! I am only having 75 people...I wanted a smaller wedding :-)
Sometimes people say things w/o thinking about how it comes out/how it will affect others. maybe she didn't mean to be snarky. If she did-don't stress about it. Each person is free to make their wedding what they want it to be!
Agree with Janna. Also, when you initially describe her wedding's size, you automatically tacked on "big, showy, over the top." A wedding can be big without being showy or over the top; I have some Italian relations who could not possibly have come in under 200 with their guest list, and it wasn't showy or flashy at all. Now, I mean, I don't know you; I don't know her. We don't know the total context this was said in. Maybe it came off the wrong way. Maybe she said other stuff to put you on the defensive, but from that one comment you post here, it doesn't seen like she was intentionally slighting your wedding. I think it would possibly help for you to brush it off. Smile. Take a deep breath and redirect the focus to something fabulous that does not invite a comparison!
I'm loving this thread and mountain.bride - your comments are totally right on. I am in a similar situation and I'm downright sick of it.
what? you wedding is enormous mine is 60 guest tops! and I'm loving it that way!
I'm having a small wedding - inviting about 85 guests but probably about 50 will be able to attend. 130 is *not* small at all!
i do not think bigger is better when it comes to weddings. i'm inviting about 150, and i want to make sure i get to speak to all my guests personally after the ceremony. the way i see it- the less ppl you have the more time you get to spend just partying with everyone and enjoying the night!
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