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Were not having alcohol at our reception and my brother didnt have any at his wedding. My dads side of the family is really against alcohol, and it would just upset them. Alcohol is not that important to me and I dont need it to have fun. Plus if guests REALLY want to drink they can always go to the bar outside of our ballroom and buy one. People did this at my brothers wedding, and some of our friends are already talking about doing that.
ashimmin2 - if people stepped out, like in July's wedding above, would that bother you? Some people just enjoy cocktails at weddings, or wine at dinner, or champagne to toast with. Though if your families and guests don't feel this way, I don't see a problem. But if you have people that think radically differently, I'm afraid people will miss it a lot. No way would that fly with my circle of friends..
I don't really drink and FI does - we decided to have alcohol because we wanted our guests to be comfortable. I also know some couples who both don't drink, but are providing alcohol for guests. Is there a good reason you're not doing it? If it's just financial/because your family doesn't drink, I think most caterers won't charge you for non-drinking guests.
I think if you are having a shorter, afternoon reception without dancing, no alcohol could work. But for a traditional evening dinner and dancing type of wedding, I'm not sure if guests would really get into it without drinking.
... I'm not sure people would stay if we had a dry wedding. My parents friends drink, both of our friends drink... and I don't like drunk people.
I went to my cousin's wedding over the summer (they are VERY religious) and they had no alcohol or dancing or even music at their reception. But I will tell you that it was a very nice wedding and reception. The ceremony and reception were both held in the church. It was one of the most sentimental weddings I have ever been too and I'll probably never forget it. I think it depends on where your having your reception at. Like the others, if there is a bar outside of your hall (I'm having my reception in a hotel Ballroom, and there is a bar right outside the door), then I think maybe you should just have beer and wine, wine and champagne, just wine, etc. Even if nobody drinks it, the option is still there and at least you won't have to worry about people walking out of your reception to buy their own alcohol. Just a suggestion though. Like I said before, the church wedding and reception was the most sentimental and the most memorable out of all the weddings I've been too. Best of Luck.
@girlwitharing alot of people that are really religious get very upset when alcohol is provided at a wedding. My cousin had alcohol at her wedding and my dads side of the family got so upset at the reception they left early. Sometimes its easier not to step on peoples toes. Providing alcohol is not a necessity. Like I said if its absolutely necessary to have fun, they can buy drinks.
Im not saying this is the case of the OP but just explaining how sometimes its a very touchy subject.
Hate to say it, but i think alcohol is needed! A lot of people feel more comfortable and relaxed after a drink. Not saying you have to provide a full bar, but maybe some wine or champagne to toast with or something?
I know that a dry wedding would NOT fly with my family (or his!) or our friends! And if we got invited to a dry wedding, we would probably be like "really?" and I know we wouldn't stay as long as we would if there were drinks.
I think you have to know your audience... and it sounds like your family at least won't miss the alcohol. I personally, would be pretty surprised showing up at a wedding and finding no booze, if I wasn't informed of that in advance. Actually -- funny story -- my sister went to a wedding a few weeks ago and took almost an hour to get there via public transportation, rather than driving to the wedding b/c her and her friend were planning on drinking copiously at the wedding. Imagine her surprise when it turned out to be a dry wedding! So -- the lesson is that different people have different expectations. Just make sure that you anticipate the expectations of your guests so that you at least keep most people happy :-)
I think the thing people need to realize is not all crowds are the same. Some of you girls that are saying alcohol is necessary are thinking about your families. Some famiiies are big drinkers, while others are not. Its a little sad that people think alcohol is what makes a wedding. I think no alcohol or dancing would be a little boring, but if everything else is there, alcohol is not that important. Ive been to weddings before with out drinks and had a great time. Also, I kind of hate people who get trashed at weddings, its just not appropriate.
We're not having alcohol, its simply not a priority for us. I don't think either side of our families or our friends will mind, but that has to do with the crowd that we're close to. Also, we're doing a brunch reception, where I'd think fewer people would drink anyway. We are planning on doing a coffee and juice bar, so there will still be tasty beverages that fit the brunch setting a little better :)
We are having a dinner and dance at the reception. My dad also told me that he would not pay for a reception that had alcohol at it. That is the biggest reason we arent having it, but there are other reasons too. I dont drink that much and I just dont like gong to a reception to see everyone drunk and acting like idiots. I want my guests to have fun, but I dont want them acting like idiots and ruining MY wedding! It is my wedding and my choice not to serve alcohol. We are not having the reception at a hotel or any place that has a bar so they wont have access to it unless they bring it themselves. Im ok with having a toast with champagne or something, but I just dont tolerate drunks...especially on my wedding night! I guess I will just have to see how it goes. I will be bummed if people leave my reception because there is no alcohol, but if they are really my friend and care about me then I would think they could go without alcohol for that night!
I've never been to a wedding that served alcohol, and even the folks who have no problem saying what's on their mind (though they have enough class not to say anything to the couple) had no issues with it either. My family would never expect alcohol at a wedding as the majority don't drink to begin with, but none are opposed to having it on the premises. Also, one of my best friends who is a pastor whose religion doesn't allow her or any other member to drink alcohol, she has been very gracious in not being judgemental toward us since she will be performing the ceremony. While there are many ministers who will refuse to perform a ceremony if any alcohol is consumed at the reception, that has never once been an issue with her. FH's family does drink but they have said they would not miss it if wasn't there, and they aren't just saying that to please anyone. The only reason we are serving it is because it is one of FH's few specific requests during the planning. Otherwise, we would absolutely have a non-alcoholic wedding, and everyone we know knows how to (and does) enjoy themselves easily without it.
If you don't want alcohol there, don't let anyone anywhere (even online) pressure you into serving it. No one anywhere has the right to say what they feel is required for your wedding to go off without a hitch, especially since you know your crowd best and they don't. While alcohol may be required in their minds, that is not the case for everyone. Just like the folks who know they don't need or want alcohol to enjoy themselves are not fooling themselves either, contrary to what others think or say otherwise based on their own preferences. When it becomes a problem is when people feel they absolutely cannot enjoy themselves for 5 minutes without a drink. In that case, they have personal issues to deal with on their own time.
A reception is as festive or boring as you make it out to be, and alcohol has nothing to do with that, despite popular belief.
Hey ashimmin,
I run in a crowd and a place (Norther California) where that would be sacriledge, but I don't think you are crazy. You are totally right that a good friend will support you and have fun either way.
The ONLY thing I can think of, and I don't know your crowd so I could be totally off, but it seems to me that even with a culturally dry crowd, there won't be a ton of dancing. If you do have drinkers, I would just suggest to play music that is VERY easy to dance to. As someone who is not a great dancer, you would not see me on the dance floor without having had a drink first, unless it was a really easy dance style.
I just want to add one more thing. Im in pretty much the same situation as you, my dad is paying for the reception. Therefore, im honoring his decision of no alcohol. Also just because people dont drink doesnt mean they dont like to dance or have fun. As I said my brother had no alcohol, but everyone was on the dance floor all night. I dont think you have anything to worry about. Personally, Im not worried about the no alcohol. We already talked to everyone about it, and everyone understands. Those who NEED alcohol are finding their own way. No one is stopping them from bringing their flasks =). And yes we have been told that by a couple of people.
I think this question is really about whether YOUR GUESTS will be comfortable without alcohol and be able to have fun. I have a very different set of family and friends than you I'm sure - not having wine with dinner would not fly with the Italian quotient of the family! My crowd is all drinkers, so for us not to do it would not even be a question. For you it seems like it is what is right for your situation so just go with that and don't stress it.
For the record, just because people choose to have alcohol at a wedding or would like their to be alcohol at weddings they attend, doesn't mean that they can't go 5 minutes without having fun without a drink. That's a little extreme I think.
@ashimmin I don't think having alcohol at the reception = everyone getting drunk and acting like idiots. The vast majority of weddings have alcohol, and yes, some people get tipsy, but in most cases, it does not materially impact the wedding as a whole.
I think you have to be careful about saying "It's MY wedding and I'll do whatever I want." Yes, no one's going to force you to do anything. But for your guests, it's THEIR evening, and they're going to do what THEY want. And what if that means leaving early because you decided not to provide alcohol?
If you know your crowd and are confident that most guests will stay at the reception and dance without alcohol, that's one thing. But you said that you weren't sure if most of your friends would get bored and leave. So I would at least talk to them to see how they feel. Or if not, maybe become comfortable with the idea that people might not be dancing or staying the whole time.
I personally am against alcohol. I have witnessed too many people act like fools while drinking. I would prefer to have a dry wedding. However that doesn't float with my fi family. I have had friends and people in my fi family say they wouldn't attend a wedding if there wasn't an open bar. To me that is completely horrendous. You should attend a wedding because you want to witness the love of two people...not free drinks. And if it were up to just me I would tell them if the only reason they want to come is free alcohol then I would prefer they not come at all.
I think Kittyachi is totally right - its about YOUR guests. Many of you have said it wouldn't fly with your friends and family but it sounds like for many of ashimmim's guests, it wouldn't fly to have alcohol. We are having a dry reception for similar reasons and my mom put it like this - you don't want people you care about to leave because of their moral convictions, but if people that drink leave just because they want to drink, then do you really want them there anyway? They can be respectful and share in your day without alcohol - if they are more interested in a party, maybe you should tailor your guest list! GirlWithARing is right - it isn't just about you, but your guests. But if your guests, particularly your loved ones and your dad who is footing the bill, are morally opposed, I think you are making the right choice.
Having said that, you should still be realistic about what kind of reception works well without alcohol. Sit-down dinners followed by a dance may not go as well as a brunch, or afternoon tea, or mingling dinner with lots of stations to keep people moving and talking. We're having brunch and I don't think many people expect to drink that early, so that helped the situation a lot.
Even though FI and I are both light drinkers, (FI works for a brewery) we are not having alcohol. We decided not to because the alcohol package was $700. We did not think in two hours 100 people would drink that much money in beer and wine. The only thing we will have is champagne for toasts. I've been to weddings with and without, and I have fun either way.
We will have alcohol at our reception. But I have been to several dry wedding receptions that were just as much fun! Don't worry about people's expectations... do what makes you comfortable.
We're having limited alcohol at our wedding. We have a few friends and family who are big drinkers, but there will also be Muslims, very elderly people, pregnant women, children, and people driving home so they can work the next morning. Therefore, there's going to be alcohol but also a ton of yummy non alcoholic drinks.
I agree with some other posters that you know your crowd and you know what they will be comfortable with. I think there are also different kinds of weddings. I've been to huge drinking/dancing parties that are a ton of fun in a wild sort of way. But I've also been to small intimate events or afternoon weddings where copious amounts of alcohol would be strange. As the bride you get to set the tone and style of the event, and you can make it what you want.^^
I had this same argument with MIL. She told me that guest expect it and I was shocked that she assumed every one of my guests (close family and friends) would be upset if I didn't have an open bar.
I said the same things you did that I was concerned with people getting drunk and I didn't want it to be unlimited alcoholic drinks.
I was more concerned that I wanted people to share my special day and that if one of my guests thinks it's a disrepectful to not have an open bar... then they are not someone I would want at a wedding. I know my friends and family don't expect an open bar.
Well, I ended up supplying my own alcohol so I could afford it but those were some of the arguments I had when my MIL told me that I MUST have an open bar. (not allow guest to pay for anything.)
Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.
It sounds like you know your guests. It also sounds like you close family and friends object to it. And it does sound that there are religious reasons too.
So in your case, I would have to say that if I was a guest at your wedding. I should respect your decisions on not choosing to have alcohol.
I heard from everyone... things people expect in wedding. People can expect all they want but who will end up paying for it all. You or your parents will. One of things you'll hear people tell you is not to go into debt for your wedding.
Good luck. I know some people will tell you do are doing the wrong thing... but just remember.... you are the only one who will know your guests.
:)
Thanks everyone for the advice! I do know my guests and do think I am doing the right thing for me and my family! If friends leave because there is no alcohol, then maybe they werent my friends in the first place. I am perfectly fine with spending the whole night with all of my family if friends choose to leave!
So I haven't read all the responses, but here's my two cents.
Personally, i do not want alchohol at my wedding. While my dads side of the family drinks in moderation, my moms side simply doesn't know the limits. I have been to waaaaay too many family functions where I have left early, crying because being one of three grandkids, and the only girl, I was often the brunt of a lot that I simply felt was unneccessary.
I think if you decide not to have alchohol, that's great. It's your day, and if guests get to the point where they get upset, then maybe it's their problem. Anyone who NEEDS alchohol to have a good time (imo) needs to restraighten their priorities.
I've heard some ways to overcome objections, and the one that I think is the most handy is by telling people that someone in the extended family is a recovering alchoholic, and you wouldn't want to put them in a situation that's unfair to them. You don't have to state who, but I think it'd work?
I really think the how much fun you have at a wedding depends on the type of people going and not the alcohol... We went to a wedding with an open bar and it was still boring because most people there were so uptight.. We have also been to a dry wedding and it was tons of fun because the guests were outgoing.. I wouldn;'t worry about it.. Its your wedding and I am sure it will be great!
I had this same problem with my wedding! My side of the family are southern baptists & they don't like drinking OR dancing. We are having a lot of people in their younger 20's there so we wanted everyone to have a good time. We are having just strictly sweet tea & lemonade during the dinner, & during the first dance, etc. all the way up until the cake cutting while my family's there. Then around 8:00 my family will leave so that we can have the "after party" at the same place. That's when we're dragging the bottled beer out in tin baskets & letting there be drinking & dancing. We have to be out of our venue by 10, so 2 hours of drinking isn't too bad!
Maybe you could consider doing this if you want alcohol? It'll please your family but will let you have some fun!!
I would love to have Alcohol at our wedding... but i just dont think it is possible on our tiny little almost non existant budget that we have left....
Me & my Man like to have a drink or two when we go out. I feel it loosens up people. Most of his family doesnt drink but alot of my family do like to drink at parties.
I dont know... LOL I might just stash away some of my own... Fiance said he would have to have a drink or two if i wanted him dancing or he would be too nervous and tell some of my friends and such that i know drink .. they could so the same descretely if they wish LOL
At the same time there is some ppl i know will be at my wedding that I definately would not want to provide alcohol to else they make a scene
We're not having alcohol b/c they are asking for $500 non refundable deposit for it. Not to mention we're also on a tight budget. If it was refundable i would totally have it b/c i want my guests to have fun and drink. It'll be a lunch reception so i'm hoping people will understand.
Just wondering... for the folks who said they're not having alcohol, where are you having your wedding?
Our wedding is in NYC and though I'd rather not have alcohol (its so expensive) I feel like a lot of people would enjoy having it. Our coworkers and family members all like to relax with a drink - some really need it to have fun, I think. So we have to add almost $1000 to our reception tab to get wine for guests. Is that kind of crazy? I just thought we had to suck it up until now.
@cama, location is totally irrelevant, as you can see from the locations that are listed after each person's screen name. No one *needs* alcohol to enjoy themselves and those who do or claim they do need it are placing more importance on the alcohol than celebrating the couple's new life together. If you don't want to serve it or can't afford to, then don't offer it. People can enjoy themselves for 4-5 hrs without a drink. If they can't then they should decline the invite and stay home, and they have bigger issues to deal with on their own time, not yours.
we're (gasp!) having neither drinking nor dancing. neither is allowed at my church, but i would've made those choices anyway. number one reason: my family doesn't like drinking (family history, etc.). number two reason: i just don't care enough about either to spend the $$ on it. it'll be mostly family. there will be lots of catching up to do, and the reception will be late-ish for most people in my family anyway (lots of kids). number three reason: we can't dance. ha! my FI is totally with this, though both of us love a good drink now and then. it just works for us to not include either in the reception.
i'd say go by your audience. if the guests would be appalled by no alcohol, then work with it. if, as in our case, the guests won't really care too much... then forget spending the money on it. buy some drinks on the honeymoon and stock your drink cabinet at home! ;-)
We are having alcohol, but my FI parents are paying for it and the bartenders because not many people on my side of the family drink, and my parents do not drink at all. I think that it is fine not to have alcohol.
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It was mine and my fiance's decision not to have alcohol at our reception. I am just worried that a lot of our friends are going to think that our reception is BORING because they can't drink. I want everyone to have a good time and think my reception is great!
No one in my family drinks so it pleases them that we arent having alcohol. I was just wondering if anyone else is having or had an alcohol free wedding.