Post # 1
My BF and I have been together for a little over 2 1/2 years now, and we’re in a semi-long distance relationship as we live about 1 hour and 15 minutes away from each other. For me, part of what makes waiting to get engaged especially hard is that he knows that I’d strongly prefer to be engaged prior to living together, and so that’s the main reason we’re not living together. It’s not for religious reasons or anything, but it’s mainly because I have a daughter. I wouldn’t want us to move in with my BF and have her get yet more attached to him and then possibly break up a few months later. Not that I think that would happen but you just never know. I realize that engagements can and do get broken off sometimes and then getting engaged or even married isn’t necessarily a guarantee that the relationship will last. However, I would just feel much better about living together if we were engaged to be married first. Also, I feel like it would be better for my daughter too to wait until we’re engaged before living together. I’ve read that it’s often easier for a kid to feel secure if she knows she’s living with her mom and her stepfather (or soon to be stepfather) rather than Mom’s boyfriend as the term boyfriend can imply that things might not last. I miss him so much on the days I don’t see him, and the more time goes on the harder it gets. Is anyone else in the same situation or else even if you don’t have kids from a previous marriage or relationship, are you waiting to get engaged before you live with your BF?
Post # 3
Very similar situation. We’re a similar sort of time away from each other (2 hours/4 hour round trip) both work full time and see each other once a week (if friends plan something on a weekend I have to choose between seeing them or not seeing him for a fortnight. sucky). We are looking to buy a house for when we move in together in October. Circumstances are slightly different in that the lack of engagement isn’t what is keeping us apart. However, before we’re putting down our money on a house I want to know that he’s truly committed, that he MEANS it when he says he wants to marry me. No children are involved, been together for 4 years in April and we’ve known this is for life since very early on in the relationship.
Post # 4
mr banana and i are long distance (east coast/west coast), although when we started dating he still lived in my town. at some point i will be moving out there, and i’m hoping to wait to move until i have the ring (which will be here soon, he has asked me to marry him numerous times it’s just not official). my parents are kinda old fashioned and my mom once said she’d prefer us to be engaged before i moved in with him. however if the right job opportunity magically appeared i would go ahead and move sooner. i know it’s going to be hard to move cross-country, and even though i know we’re getting married in the next year or two, i just feel it will make it slightly easier to adjust if we’re officially engaged.
Post # 5
I don’t live with my SO. I just prefer to wait until there is an engagement. That’s probably old fashioned to some because I don’t have kids, it’s actually just me. I’m even buying a house soon, when I find the right one. We’ll live in it together when we get engaged, but not before then.
I see nothing wrong with not living with him because you have a daughter. It’s a smart decision to me. I knew someone who DID live with her husband beforehand and she had a daughter. It made me uneasy, but that was her decision.
Post # 6
I think you are wise to wait until there is something more concrete about the relationship. I also have a boyfriend who lives almost two hours away and only see him on weekends. On Friday and Saturday the kids are with us (they are great chaperones!) but on Sunday they go with their mom and we have a day to ourselves. Of course, that’s during the five weeks he is in the country, the other five weeks he is 4000 miles away.
It’s hard missing someone when you know you want to share a life with them, isn’t it. Again, I think you are making the wise choice to live apart until things are more set.
Here’s hoping that proposal comes soon!!! (For all of us!)
Post # 7
My FI and I were not long distance but I still always told him that I wouldn’t live with him before we were engaged. It wasn’t for religious reasons for me either… I just didn’t see the point of making the commitment to live together unless we made the commitment to live together forever 🙂
Post # 8
Sweetie I TOTALLY feel your pain. As I have stated in some of my previous posts I am in Atlanta and my BF in Pittsburgh. We both have decided that we want to be ATLEAST engaged if not married before we move in together. It’s very very difficult since we only see each other every 6-8 weeks and the waiting period for me is very hard. I just think of it this way.. I get to spend the rest of my life living with Mr. T, so if I have to wait a bit longer to get rid of the distance.. then so be it (no matter how hard it seems right now).
Post # 9
@the Ren You are so right. Time is definitely about quality, not quantity. I am learning a lot about time with my BF. When he’s at sea, I get an email every day and a phone call occasionally, which is so hard. But when he’s in America, it’s fabulous. Even after we get married, it will stay this way, which I think will be hard, but it also has its positives. I don’t think we will be able to take each other for granted.
Post # 10
@cutelittlebuzzingbee- stick to your plan if thats what you feel is right for you then wait! Because my FI and i were in a LDR for 2 years and then we had a our daughter last April. I always told him I wanted to be engaged before we moved in and had kids and as we all know plans changed. I moved to be with him 4 months ago cause I made the decision to get outta the military. Just recently I had to remind him that just cause I am living with him already doesnt mean that my ideas on marriage have changed. It would have been alot less arguing if I had just stuck to what I felt comfortable with but I felt it best for our daughter to move. You know whats best for you and your daughter and if you dont feel comfortable moving until you know there is going to be a serious commitment then I wouldnt do it. GOOD LUCK!
Post # 11
My situation is exactly like yours, except, I dont live far from my BF and I have a son and not a daughter. But I am choosing to not live with my BF until Im engaged, for the same reason. My son is already attached to my BF, and I dont want to make things more complicated for him if things dont work out between us. Basically, I dont think there is anything wrong with you waiting to move in before marriage.