Post # 1
This one really gets under my skin. The world is so different from the time of Emily Post when the vast majority of women grew up in one place and returned to one place to get married, like salmon spawning. Now people move so much more often, parents split up and live in different places, women strike out on their own… But because I’m not having the wedding in the city where I’m currently attending graduate school – an expensive city that I loathe with every fiber of my being – suddenly it’s a destination wedding and people are complaining. And especially in our 20s, people are scattered everywhere because of schools and jobs; they haven’t settled, exactly. No one place on earth is where everyone is.
I grew up in Virginia, moved as a teenager. My parents are dead and I don’t know a soul in that “hometown.” It makes no sense having a wedding there. I went to Charleston, SC to college and spent a total of seven years there. I love that city. My only sibling lives there, along with about a third of my invitation list, and the largest chunk of the invitation list that lives in any one place. I attend graduate school in what I shall refer to as The Evil Midatlantic City.
Even though I’ve been in the Evil Midatlantic City for a few years, I still know Charleston better. The map is seared into my brain; I know the restaurants and hotels; I know the weather. I’m going to have my diddly-darn wedding there and nobody can stop me. But it doesn’t stop people from calling it a “destination wedding” and always in that disapproving tone. And here’s the kicker: these are people who live in Texas, or Ohio, or Illinois. Even if I had the wedding right here in the Evil Midatlantic City, they would still have to get on an airplane and spend almost the exact same time in the air. Where do they want me to have it? Why is it automatically a “destination wedding” if I don’t have it in their backyard?
Is it because Charleston is warmer than average that it suddenly qualifies as destination? I will never get this. I’m pretty sure I know how to handle this; I have started standing up for myself as saying, “I really don’t see it as a destination wedding. I consider Charleston home.” It still just makes my jaw drop. Anyone else?
Post # 3
Wow…that’s a lot of energy being spent on a simple label…yikes! (both by you and your guests)
My husband and I did the same thing – he’s from DC, i’m from CA and TX, we live in Boston. We ended up having the wedding in CA because we figured if 85% of our guests had to fly no matter where we had it, we may as well let them go to the best weather/most fun place!
You’d think people would enjoy getting out of their bubble and going to a cool city like Charleston. I’ve been there – it’s so beautiful!
Post # 4
Funny, I am getting married in Charleston b/c we feel like it makes the most sense. People and I guess I call it a destination wedding because most people have to travel. If we were having it in my home town people on FH’s side would have to call it destination. Is there a reason it bothers you so much?
Post # 5
Ugh, I got labeled a “destination” as well.
Not sure how familiar you are with Canada, but DH is from Vancouver island (2 hours away from where we currently live), I was born in the Okanagan (5 hours the opposite direction from where we currently live), and we moved our wedding to Chilliwack, which is about 1.5 hours away from where we currently live toward my hometown.
Somehow I got slapped with the destination wedding label too! So annoying.
Post # 6
@MrsPinkPeony: my feeling as to why it bothers the OP is because her guests are making her feel bad for it and saying “destination wedding” with a negative connotation, like she is being selfish.
to the OP, one thing to keep in mind, as you sort of pointed out, is that everyone will have opinions about weddings and those will be different than yours and therefore they will judge you.
if all your guests lived in one place and you had the wedding there, they would find something else to complain about. so just stick to your guns and i wouldn’t even bother stressing out so much about it. focus on doing what is important for you and your FI. if others are complaining, they don’t have to come!
Post # 7
That’s weird. I wouldn’t call it a destination wedding unless it’s outside of the country. If you’ve lived in Charleston before then that’s fine to have the wedding there (or anywhere). But it does seem to me that Charleston is a tourist town. I know it’s more than that… but a lot of people go there on vacation. So maybe that’s why people call it a destination wedding. It seems to me that the cost of living is higher in Charleston as well. I always wanted to go to college there… but definitely could not afford it. Perhaps tckets prices to Charleston are higher than some other places they have to go. I’m just trying to brainstorm some ideas on why people are being so picky.
Post # 8
I TOTALLY feel you! I moved to Atlanta from Philly 4 years ago, met my FI here. We decided to get married here since we live here now, met here, know the city well, will be easier to plan here, etc. A lot of my family has been up in arms about us having “a destination wedding” and how we should just have it Philly so people can actually come to it. Ridiculous. I LIVE HERE!! People need to get over it. I do feel your pain about the comments though, they drive me nuts.
Post # 9
@SapphireSun: I’m sorry but I’m LOLing at Chilliwack being called a “destination”. As much as I like hiking out there, it doesn’t exactly come to mind when I think of destination weddings!!
Post # 10
I’m having a “destination wedding” in the town I live in now.
I’m originally from New Jersey but have lived in Santa Fe, NM for the last 7 years. I moved to Knoxville, TN to live with my fiance about a month ago, and we are getting married here. Fiance grew up in Florida and Illinois.
Neither of us have ANY family (or friends yet!) in Knoxville, yet we are having our wedding here.
It is partly because we LIVE here now, and we don’t want to plan a wedding from a distance. It’s also because if we have the wedding in New Jersey, his entire family will have to travel, and if we have it in Florida, my entire family will have to travel, and if we have it in New Mexico, everyone but my friends there will have to travel – so we figure, why not just make EVERYONE travel?
We are making plans 2 years out, however, and are going to be sending out Save the Dates and invitations earlier than most people do, in order to give everyone ample time to make travel arrangements and save up money if necessary. If people have a prblem with it, I’ll just say… Fine, don’t come!
It’s important to have your wedding in a place you love and understand. Even though I grew up in NJ, I wouldn’t want to have a wedding there – so much money, so much big hair, so much tanning, so many long nails… And no way in hell would I ever agree to a wedding in Florida, for many of the same reasons (and, as my fiance would say, that is simply because everyone from his county in Florida is from NJ anyway).
Post # 11
I hate being labeled as a “destination wedding”. We are getting married 45 minutes from our house, but way out in the country, the opposite direction of where the rest of our family lives. I drive 30 minutes to work, really 45 minutes isn’t too far to me, but FI’s family has to drive an hour and 15 minutes to get to our wedding site. They have now labeled it as a “destination” wedding and it drives me crazy (well that and the comments that it is “so far”)!
Post # 12
I understand. I was born in TX moved to FL then back to TX then back to FL for college. While I was in college my parents moved to VA then CA. My extended family lives in MI, CA, OR, and IL. FI’s family lives in FL and Brazil. No matter where we had it, it would be “destination”. I have no sense of “home” in any town in the US…although if pressed I’d say it was Austin. So we’re getting married in Savannah, my dream wedding city. And everyone is travelling. These days there’s not as many people who were born, grew up in and moved back to their hometown. People are all over the place and they get used to it.
Post # 13
I really don’t think its a destination wedding unless the wedding is in a different country than you or FI live in or someplace where neither you nor FI have any connection with.
Post # 14
@Lapeaudesoie: I started calling mine a destination before anyone did …cause…well..it was! I live in Vancouver and all my family still lived in my hometown (which was to msall to host a wedidng) and DH has family in Vancouver but most were in Calgary. I wanted the wedding in Vancouver so thats what we did…and well…people had to travel to it, and get hotels and take more then one day off work..so i considered it a destination for them.
People complained about it too…mostly my dads side but i think it was more that it was destination and I was having an adult only reception. All the same though, it was destination.
Post # 15
i know! i’m from PR, FI is from CA, we met in PA, where is spent 3 years after spending 4 in NJ, and we now live in DC. ii’m having the wedding in PR because 1. that’s where i’m from. 2. i’m very close to my grandma and she can no longer travel, 3. is where the biggest number of our guestlist are from (even though it’s not by a lot–we have people everywhere). it drives me nuts when people call it a destination wedding just bc it’s in PR. i grew up there. my family is there. until i moved in with my FI in DC, PR is what i called HOME!
Post # 16
I consider it a “destination wedding” when EVERYONE has to travel (and stay in the same all-inclusive resort.)
That said, I’m in the same boat as a lot of you. I grew up in MN, but live in San Francisco now. My family and friends are scattered all over the country, my FI is from NorCal and much of his family is at least in the state. SO, we’re getting married here. We met here, fell in love here, and got engaged here… So it only makes sense to me. I haven’t lived in my hometown in over a decade… Plus its harder to get to.
The good news for me, though, is that people are calling it a “vacation” and planning to spend some extra time here, in wine country, and at Yosemite. 🙂