(Closed) Anyone else just feel like they're just playing dress up?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

At first it felt very unnatural but that was because I thought I had to fit into the stereotypical modern American bride role.

Soon I saw that that was not me at all… and that was ok, I did not have to pretend it was and nor should I!

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be married, and I want a wedding… white ballgown and all… but we’re going to do it in our way, the way that feels right to us. I couldn’t care less what the trends are or what’s blogworthy etc…

Anyway… you might not be as different from the modern stereotype as I am, but you might still feel a bit out of place because something about it still feels impersonal and not like you? Maybe you could think of ways you could personalize it a bit more and feel more “at home” as a bride.

Post # 4
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CrazyCatLady13:  You’re not alone. We both work long hours, make little money, and are paying for everything by ourselves. Every dollar spent on the wedding feels a little silly sometimes, and I am not interested in throwing myself into DIY in an effort to recreate something cheaper but equally beautiful. Half the time when I DIY, supplies, material, and time make it almost as expensive anyways. And sometimes the so called cheaper route is very risky- aka , the disaster dress I ordered online:/…….whoops. I gave up, spent $550 on a salon dress (add $169 for the online one), and that was that. 

But if you do it your way and ignore the pressure of an “expected” wedding, it’s something fun. It IS dress up, but it’s a celebration of marriage, and it’s followed by a party. That is the recipe for a good wedding. It can be beautiful when it is extravagant, but it’s a nice wedding if it’s simple and affordable. It’s okay if you don’t have the money for some of the fancy stuff people do, and it’s okay if you don’t have lots of helping hands, or friends. You just need a few people there who care a lot about you and are happy for you. 

Post # 5
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

@CrazyCatLady13:  Yes! I have been feeling so out of place the last few months. It hasn’t really sunk in yet that we are really getting married. I keep feeling like something will happen and we will have to delay it  and then maybe we keep delaying it and we never spend the money to do it. My parents have offered to pay and we sat down to map out the whole wedding for under $10,000, but somethings happened in the last few days and we no longer feel attatched to that big wedding. We are looking to elope and suddenly I feel no pressure and more like a bride than ever!

 

Here’s something I’ve learned since being on this website: The wedding you and your FH decide to have will be perfect no matter what. No matter the cost, the venue, the stress! A wedding is about celebrating your love and making it known to all your friends and family that you are now Mr.&Mrs. You celebrate the way you want to and don’t worry about pleasing the dream of others. If you want to spend $2,000 on a backyard bbq that is so initimate and makes you happy, then you spend $2,000, Or $10,000 on a larger affair but you dream of that big entrance and plated dinners and your name on a dance floor, then you do whatvever it takes to get there, whatever makes you happy. Once you find that happy medium with your venue, your dress, and your own plans for the wedding, you will feel like a Bride and I can speak from experience  🙂

Post # 6
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CrazyCatLady13:  It didn’t feel real for me until I had put down several deposits. I am paying for most everything myself. Seeing that written check was a wake up call. Also, being inside the six month window has brought it home. When we were just “talking” about the wedding… making plans, dreaming about it… it sounded all fine and dandy, and I was happy about it, but it didn’t seem “real.” Plus, I have had multiple people remark to me how they look back and regret spending so much money on their own weddings, what a waste it was. I find that rather rude. Please don’t put a damper on my bubble, you know??

The “wedding” isn’t that important to me. I just want to be married to this wonderful man. I’m in my 30s and honestly I feel a little silly putting on a big white dress. In that respect I do feel like I’m playing dress up.

Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know how you feel! I’m not really the girly girl type and I felt really overwhelmed (still do sometimes) by the whole “wedding” ordeal. We only had a 7 month window to plan the wedding, I’m doing almost all of it myself, DIY’ing most of it, it’s going to be 5 hours away from where I live, and to top it off my FH is rarely here with me because he travels for his work, and he is from Scotland so we are having a second reception over there 2 weeks after the wedding! I also have no family around, & my MOH has 4 kids and lives 2 hours away.

We both decided we weren’t into the whole $26,000 average American wedding thing, so we are having a laid-back bbq/bonfire/camping weekend in my grandmother’s yard for our wedding, and even still it is so stressful and overwhelming. I’ve been trying to look at it like I’m just planning a big party to keep the pressure down, but still it’s a party for 100 people and I’m no event planner! Every time I have to make a big purchase, like my dress and wedding rings, I feel super guilty for spending so much money. But then I think, it’s only money, I’m doing a lot to save as much as I can so I still feel like I’m being responsible. We’re having the wedding we want, and nobody is going to really care about all the stupid details I’m obsessing over! So might as well just relax, everything will come together fine, and as long as you have the people you love around you, some food, and alcohol, everyone will have a great time! lol. 

I think if you close your eyes and picture your ideal wedding – not “wedding” as in the stereotype, but “wedding” as in the actual moment between you and your FI, and the people you’ll have around you, the energy of the day, and the kind of party you like afterwards – and just aim for that image in your head. Throw out all the assumptions of a “normal” or “typical” wedding, what your friends are doing, what people online are doing, and create your own day from your heart. And if eloping makes your heart sing, do that! You can always just have a big party later. There’s no need to keep up with the Jones’ cookie-cutter fashion magazine weddings.  Make it your own – those are the best weddings anyway!

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