anyone else just want to go home?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m not married yet, but after the wedding, we’re moving into his house and I’m fully expecting to feel the same way as you do.  Right now, we spend most of our time at my place because he has roommates.  It’s ‘our’ place.  The roommates are getting kicked out right before the wedding and I’m moving in cause it’s the ‘family’ house instead of my small-ish townhouse. 

I’m actually dreading not being able to go ‘home’. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

Any time you make a big change like this, it takes a while to adjust. You’ve only been married a few weeks (and then you were gone on your honeymoon, I take it). I know you’ll feel better eventually, especially once you finish making the place yours (plural). And you’re not too far from your mom, you can still visit her often!

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Right after the  wedding, I would actually cry occasionally because I missed living with my parents! But now that it’s been almost a year, I’ve completely settled in and it’s not quite as sad. Just give it time, and visit your mom plenty. 

Post # 6
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww. Like PPs said, any life adjustment is going to take time.

My situation is different from yours, but I feel kindof the same. I’ve been doing the college thing and living with roommates for six years (including grad school, not college for six years :P) without going home for longer than 2 weeks at a time over Christmas. I feel like I missed that opportunity to spend more time with my family before “I” becomes “we”.

I think your feelings sound normal and will just take some time to get used to. Maybe putting some touches of “you” around the home would help too.

Post # 7
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think any change can be hard, especially such a big change (home) and the fact that you have your mom who feels lonely.  That can’t be easy on you 🙁

When I moved in with FI, the house was a bachelor house for sure.  Disorganized, cluttered, etc.  I just didn’t feel at home AT ALL.  But with time, and with compromises and communication, we “adjusted” the home for it to become my home too.  It’ll be 2 years this summer, and it really does feel like OUR home now.

Give yourself time, there is an adjustment period, and it’s normal.  At some point, things will feel “normal” again.

Post # 8
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Awww, sweetie!  The entire first week I lived with my FI (we bought a house last summer) I felt how you do!  I missed my mom, my dad, and my old house.  It gets better!  Make a point of visiting your mom and having her over.  Invite some friends over, too, and definitely make a few changes so that it’s your space, too, and not just his.  Soon you will love having your own place with just him!

 

Post # 9
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Aww, I know excatly how you feel. I moved out of the only house I ever lived in and in to an apartment with my FI. I was homesick for months. And I know my mom had a very hard time with it to, because I am her only child. I felt really guilty.  But it does get better I promise. Once you get a new pattern going and start feeling comfy in the space everything will be fine. Visit your mom and call often. Its been over 3 years since I moved out and I still talk to my mom twice a day 🙂

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Girl, you are preaching to the choir!!! I lived at home with my mom until I was 24…which seemed like forever to everyone else and my mom was a single mom and raised me. I didn’t leave until my fiance (now hubby) practically had to spring it on me that we were moving THAT day so I wouldn’t cry dreading it if we had planned it. BUT…I still cried. and cried…and cried. LOL. I called my best friend when I was driving over alone since my hubby was behind me with all of our things. I had to leave her a voicemail and it was barely understandable because I told her how homesick I was already and I didn’t want to be away from home.

It does get better!!! I started out by going over every day after work to see my mom, then every other day, and then weekly. I just tried to focus on creating a new life and decorating the house how I liked it.

I think I cried so much because I really felt guilty for leaving my mom too. But you will find that your mom probably might like to have her space again and perhaps run around the house naked in freedom… LOL 😉

You are not alone though – I have been there too!!!

Post # 11
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it’s totally normal to feel the way you do.  Marriage and new living arrangements are big changes and take a long time to adjust to.  I also moved into my husband’s house.  It’s been almost a year and, although it’s a lot better than it was, I still don’t exactly feel like it’s mine.  Not because he’s possessive or anything, but there just isn’t enough space for everything and I don’t have space that’s just mine and we haven’t done a lot of decorating together paritally due to other things going on and partially because we’re hoping to move within a year.  I have done a few small things though.  Even simple things like putting out a tablecloth we got as a wedding gift help it to feel more like “ours.”   However, I lived on my own for about 7 years so sometimes I do get a little sad and “just want to go home” to my own place.  I will say, however, that those feelings are a lot less common and not as strong as they were in the first few months of marriage.  Just be really gentle with yourself and your husband and know it is a long process.  And that’s OK!  And, I know 40 minutes feels like a long ways from your mom, but maybe you can still make a point to go to her house for dinner a few times a week.  My parents live about 15 hours a way and I really, really, really wish they were close enough to just go have dinner with.  But I know 40 minutes can feel like 15 hours when you’re in a new situation.  Hugs!

Post # 12
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s very normal to feel the way you do, and it’s good to acknowledge your feelings and not just be cranky about it.  Maybe some night when DH is going out with friends, you can plan a girls night with your mom and stay over.  It takes time, but my guess is you’ll realize you miss sharing the bed with your husband, and you miss certain things about your house.  My other suggestion is to really make your impression on your new home – make it your dream house, instead of “his” house or your mom’s house.  It’s your opportunity to decorate however you want.  And invite your mom over, it’s fun being hostess in your own space.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve lived with FI for 3 years now and for the first two years, every few months, I would have a crying fit and just sob that I wanted to go home. I think, for me at least, it was just the fact that I knew I never would live at home again. It was a hard thing for me to get over, but I noticed in the past year that thought has not been in my mind as much. It used to make FI so sad because he thought he was doing something really wrong, when in reality, I was just going through a life change, you know? It goes away over time.

Post # 15
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I went through this when I moved in with FI (at the time SO) and it ws really bad. I almost broke up with him because I was so homesick. The thing that made me know I wanted to marry him was when I decided to stay. Maybe for you it can be the reverse…knowing that you married him is a commitment that you make to get over being homesick?

Post # 16
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Trust me, you are not alone.  I lived with DH before we got married and I swear he has the most stuff I have ever seen a guy have.  All I brought into the house were my clothes…my other stuff was in storage.  

There were many times when I felt like I didn’t belong.  I also wanted to clean up his crap but was afraid to touch anything.  He thought I was lazy.  One day he asked me why I never did anything around the house but basic cleaning.  He thought it was weird b/c all his previous GFs literally took over his house with their stuff and made it their place.  I just couldn’t…felt it wasn’t “our place”.  Finally he made me print some of our pictures out and hung them when he got home.  He told me I could organize anything I wanted, that it was my place too.  I am STILL going through all the stuff!  

 

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