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So I am a super-white Caucasian female who is engaged to a wonderful Chinese man. The FI in questions speaks 4 languages: Mandarin Chinese, a Chinese "dialect" spoken in his birthplace, English, and German (he moved there at age nine).
Since his parents speak mostly Chinese (no English, little German) I decided that the most functional way to communicate with them would be to learn Mandarin. However, I think it is also the most difficult, impossible language in the world to learn! My FI appears to be totally oblivious to the difficulty...he handed me the phone the other day and said, "Here, talk to my mom." Whoa, now THAT was pressure!
I have been learning on my hour-long commute every day for the past year...and I am NOWHERE near conversational. I have always had a "gift" for languages and by feedback from him and Chinese friends am learning fast, yet according to my experience and research, it will be 2-3 years before I could become close to fluent.
Any other bees feel my pain?
I was going to say I'm trying to learn Spanish for my FI, for the same reason so I can actually communicate with his family, except that I haven't been studying for an hour every day like you have. :( I need to get off my lazy butt and practice some more. I'm sure Spanish is no where near as hard as Mandarin.
You should probably practice the most common types of conversation topics that are likely to come up at your wedding and reception with your FI's family, like thanking them for coming, recognizing compliments on your dress, agreeing that you're very happy and lucky to be marrying your FI, etc. Then at least you'll be able to hold your own on the wedding day!
FI's Mom's family is fluent in Spanish and I'd like to learn. But I haven't started at all. They speak English (except his grandmother), so its not as high of a priority.
But I want my future children to be bilingual, so I'm going to learn!
Aww I feel for you! I am learning Romanian but have been really lazy about it lately. I want to be able to talk to his Grandma other than to say, how are you? and isn't it beautiful today? and Happy Easter (Christmas, New years, insert other holiday here).
But Chinese is a really difficult language to learn. I would recommend watching some tv at home with your FI like the news or a drama or something so you can start hearing more of it than just your tape!
My roommate in college was engaged and in a similar situation. To help her learn spanish, she placed post it notes all over our apartment to help her learn the names of general household items.
Her wedding ceremony was actually in Spanish and after a few months of constant practice she got pretty good. Hang in there!
i'm not personally, but my brother married a polish woman. she speaks perfect english, but her parents don't speak any. she's been teaching him a little at a time, so he can skype with her parents, but he's really having a tough time. i can't even imagine! you're so brave.
I subscribe to Netflix and have gotten some Chinese movies to help me...but I've found out that Chinese movies are waaaaay depressing. I always end up traumatized and crying at the end of them, lol.
I have all this knowledge and vocabulary but then when I try to have a conversation, my mind goes blank!
FI isn't much help. Since he moved to Germany at age nine, he has a heavy German accent. My friend from Beijing actually told me "Your accent is excellent! Don't learn from xxx, he has a terrible accent." So when he tries to teach me something I'm always wondering if it's right, hahaha.
I've learned German. I've now had two years of courses, and am doing German lit stuff now. It's stressful, but I like it.
I am! I'm learning Russian. Its a bit slow-going though, but interesting. His mom speaks English quite well but his dad and grandparents, not so much. And I'd like our (future) kids to learn it, but I don't want them speaking in a language I don't understand!
chinese@heart, you are awesome for learning chinese! I'm Chinese American but grew up speaking English at home. All the Chinese I know I learned from 1.5 years in college, but so much of it is lost since I'm too embarrassed to use it. I just don't have an ear for the tones. It's pretty awesome that you should be fluent in 4 years without formal classes or immersion, so keep at it!
And yeah, Chinese movies are soooooo depressing. I suggest watching soaps from Taiwan since the vocabulary will be modern and for everyday use.
I took 3 semesters of German in University, and still remember a bit of it. My german is still pretty pathetic but it certainly helped the 3 times I've stayed with his Grandparents in Germany who ONLY speak German.
I'm learning dutch. After 4 years I have a "working knowledge" meaning I can do day to day stuff like shopping and ask simple questions and directions. I can read cook books and children's books too. I'm nowhere near conversational, mostly because everyone speaks english (except his grandma) and I work in an english speaking office.
However, I actually have to prove my fluency to the goverment in the next 3 years to prove I'm properly asymulated into dutch society. So I guess I'm doing it more to keep the govt off my butt than for the FI. ;-)
Try chinese podcast. Based on what I have heard they're super fun. I don't know how effective they are when it actually comes to learning though. Good luck!
bruintx, where can I find those Taiwanese dramas? Do you have any links that you use?
Props to those of you learning German. My FI casually told me when I was done learning Mandarin I could move on to German....pffffff. German grammar frightens me. At least Mandarin grammar is easy...it's just the tones and sounds that are tough!
carmel bride, we also want our children to be bilingual...or even multilingual :)
chinese@heart, props to you for trying to learn! Chinese is really difficult for a foreigner to learn (I'm Chinese)! I grew up speaking Cantonese (one of the dialects) but have slowly lost it from just using English, to the point where I am not fluent. I suppose if I applied myself it would be super easy for me to become fluent in Cantonese again and learn Mandarin. I am so impressed when I see a non Chinese person speaking Chinese.
@ldyparadox99 My fiance is Dutch and I just can't get the G sound!
Me! I'm learning Korean, but as we actually live in Korea, it's not just for his family but also for my survival. Are there any fun tv shows that you have access to in Mandarin? FI and I try to watch this Korean show called 'The Animal Show' as it is cute and has pop ups and such that help me with simple language points. We're also thinking about trying to join some sort of Korean-English social or club group after we get married so that we can both meet people on a regular basis to pratice each other's language. It might help you to learn faster if you could play sports or volunteer or something with other Mandarin speakers.
I'm trying to learn French since my hubs family all lives there and it was his first language. I'm not so good at languages and so shy about speaking them and making mistakes, people always laugh and then I clam up.
I've gotten myself where I'm fairly good at reading comprehension as long as I'm reading regularly so my vocabulary is up. But I cannot carry a conversation, I'm no good at grammar or recall on the spot! So frustrating.
And unfortunately since I am easily frustrated by it I get depressed when I practice with my hub, I feel like it's been so long trying and I'm still terrible. We're going over there in a few months and so many people have said oh I hope you can talk with the family by then. ACK! I'm not even good at english and have been speaking it for a looong time.
Me too! I am actually learning Japanese. I speak conversational Japanese at the moment but I really need to stop being lazy and get on top of my studies again.
My in laws speak NO ENGLISH WHATSOEVER, so I definetely need to improve my Japanese.
Anyone know of any good podcasts to learn Japanese ? :)
I don't know any japanese podcasts but I do like listening to the podcasts, the only thing is I'm not sure how much it's helping. Does anyone who learned a 2nd language have any advice for what works best? I'm thinking the only way is just to talk, talk, talk, which for me means butcher, butcher, butcher and not even know how to begin. Baby steps I guess. I'm befuddled about this disconnect between my reading ability and speaking ability.
@baybee I've given up on the G and ch sounds. Instead, my belgian friends have schooled me in the soft g sound so it doesn't sound like I'm trying to compete with my cat in hacking up a hairball. My language instructors don't like that (I take classes in amsterdam and utrecht so they're really schooling the hard G) but tough. I can make myself understood and that's what flippin counts. ;-)
I'm not learning it for him or his family, but I have always loved Italian and before I met my SO I taught myself how to speak and write in Italian, and it has paid off. His family thinks I don't know much so it's cool when I can listen in on convos and know what is being said. My SO is trying to learn Spanish, but when he tries to speak his Italian accent kicks in hits hilarious.
Learning Italian would be very helpful for me. Not so much to communicate with the in-laws as they speak English as their first language but FI's grandparents are old school Italian and they mostly speak English but sometimes the conversation switches up to Italian and I just sit there with a dumb expression on my face waiting for FI to translate for me!
i learned polish for my ex-fiance - it was VERY hard for me (i already speak italian, german and a little russian in addition to english) but i got up enough to be able to understand conversations. my motivation was i knew his family was talking about me and i wanted to know what they were saying.
it usually takes about 2 years to become fluent unless you do immersion learning. and yes Chinese, any dialect is INSANELY hard to learn for english speakers. so dont be discouraged.
encourage your FI to speak to you in chinese, watch movies in the language, tv, etc. the more you hear it the better you will become. it will "force" you to learn it.
dont freak out. you can do it, just it might take time! good job so far! :)
FI is French-Canadian, but his french is TERRIBLE (he's grown up in the States.)
I speak Ojibwe, but I can't imagine him ever learning that either.. Haha.
Lingustically, we are an incredibly historically accurate couple to the 1820's, which is funny because I am an 1820's reinactor at work. :)
Wow, it's good to see that there are others out there who are undergoing similar experiences. I checked out some videos and podcasts as some of you suggested...they seem pretty helpful. With the shows I tend to get wrapped up in the story and pay less attention to the language...but I am sure it will still help :)
@osakagirl...do you like anime? I used to watch anime and I picked up a lot of language from that, because it's very repititious. Also, it's very easy to get ahold of (and very entertaining). Japanese grammar is so tough!
I am trying to learn Haitian Creole, I spend time at his parents house and they don't speak English unless they are speaking to me. His does not speak fluently, but does understand H. C. and French. His parents also know French and Spanish (which I can converse in), but they mainly speak H.C.
We also are planning a trip to Haiti to help out his family, so I've doubled my efforts! Sak Pase tout moun...
ms.adreanna: Difficult language to learn as well. I'm Dominican and have vacationed in DR ..haitian/creole and I think Patua is a dialect as well is very difficult, but you can pick up certain words more easily. Goodluck!
Wow, I'm impressed so many brides-to-be are trying to learn their fiance's family's language. Good for you guys! I hope your FIs and their families appreciate all your hard work.
Chinese@heart - my cousin taught himself Chinese, and one of the ways he did it was by singing karaoke in Chinese! (I guess because you usually know the words in English first?)
trying to learn russian. its a hard one. Fi's mom and dad speak english but his 2 grandmothers?? forget it! they dont even know how to say anything in english. Plus, his mom speaks russian regularly so it would be nice to be able to fit into the conversation, not just nod and laugh when they laugh. lol..
I learned French to date a Swiss guy in high school; Spanish, Russian & Italian just for fun and then Greek for my ex-husband's family since they didn't speak much English. Greek was by far the most difficult language I learned. My family was shocked when I brough home FI because he is American and only speaks English. I'm trying to teach him some Spanish... I like international flair :-)
It’s nice to know I’m not the only person having trouble communicating with the future-in-laws. I haven’t been able to make any progress toward learning though, because they speak to many languages! My FI is Chinese, however he grew up in Bangladesh, so he speaks, Hakka (Chinese dialect), Bengali, English, and a little Urdu.
The confusion then sets in when my FI talks to his parents, because he speaks the Chinese dialect to them. However, when his parents speak to each other, they speak in Urdu. Thankfully, his parents speak English, but the majority of conversations at his parent’s house aren’t in English… So I’ve developed an unfortunate habit of ignoring anything around me when at his parent’s house unless it’s in English. Typically only comments directed toward me are in English.
I would love to learn Hakka, but unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any resources to learn Chinese dialects. I feel bad for my future children because they (and me!) are going to be the only ones that don’t understand what is going on at family gatherings. And I can’t ask my FI to teach me because he’s starting to forget it a little himself.
I have studied French, Italian and Japanese. Japanese was by far the hardest, since we just don't make any similar sounds to Asian languages. It helped me tremendously to buy childrens' picture books. I also think a formal class would help. You at least would have other beginners to commiserate with!
I'm a white girl who speaks Mandarin!!! And you're right it's AWFUL to learn!
I agree with the tiawanese tv series suggestion - a good place to start is with æµæ˜ŸèŠ±å›. Just watch it through a few times, you'll pick up on more and more each time. Plus your traditional character recognition will go through the roof if you leave the subtitles on!
The most effective way to learn a language like Chinese is just to practice, practice, practice! Not just with your FI and his family either - is there a Chinese community near you? A Chinese church or religious center where you can attend services? Make as many Chinese friends as you can, sign up for language partner exchanges, seek out foreign students on college campuses, etc. The more you use it, the better your Chinese will become!
The majority of my family (other than my parents and sister) don't speak English, only Brazilian Portuguese, so I would love for my fiance to learn a bit of Portuguese. He has some relatives that speak French, which luckily I know, and some who speak Arabic (neither of us can speak that).
I think it's great that you are going to learn his family's language! I'm vietnamese and DH is caucasian. DH knows how to say thank you in vietnamese. I actually can understand vietnamese but I can't speak it really well, so if the DH wanted to learn more, I would go with him to learn for myself, too!
His family is part german and irish, and they don't really speak german. It would be cool to learn some things in German now that I have a German last name.
I'm learning Candian. We pay the hydro bill, not the electric bill. We ask for another serviette, not napkin. And we put petrol in our car, not gas. It's Kraft dinner we eat, not mac & cheese. And, most importantly, we add "eh" at the end of everything, eh!
I tried learning Dutch. Sometimes I still try. Laziness gets the better of me.
Okay, Faroese, anybody?!
I'm having a heck of a time trying to learn a language that is spoken by only 50,000 people. I think it's fair to say there's not a whole lot out there! Mr Owlie's sister kindly bought me a CD but it only does random words - though now I can sing "Heads, shoulders, knees and toes," which should be good for many a varied occasion - and very few phrases.
Is anyone else out there trying to learn an (sorry, Mr Owlie) obscure language?
I would love to jump on this bandwagon...FI is Vietnamese, and that was his first language, he is also fluent in English and Spanish. I just speak English and a little bit of French...I would LOVE to learn Vietnamese because while FI's parents are fluent in English, I think it will be important for our children to know the basics of the Vietnamese language and culture....everytime that I bring it up--he always tells me that our children will teach me the language--LOL
I don't have to learn another language, but my parents are deaf so I have to teach FI sign language!
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